I had a dream where it was all a joke.
I awoke,
wheezing, gasping for breath.
death,
still fresh on my mind.
Your new car shined,
two years ago.
-
It's doors were hard to open,
but,
even harder to shut.
I dreamed of your face with laugh lines and all,
you came around the corner in that car,
gleaming like it was new.
you,
with a laughing face,
and a gleaming smile.
-
My hopeful mind needed no explanation,
as to how and why
you pretended to die,
two years ago.
you see to me you were alive.
-
I forgot it all for a while.
Now I remember though.
Two years ago,
the phone rang,
three letters on the little screen,
D-A-D,
nowadays they mean a lot more to me.
-
I said "yes dad?" in a dull tone,
you see to me you were alive.
A different man replied.
teary eyed I sat,
the man was crying too.
I swore they were lies,
You were a good dad and what kind of good dad just dies.
Heart attack or stroke, either.
I insisted with him it was neither.
-
From my window I could still see your shiny new car with an open door.
When you had arrived that morning,
from an overnight trip,
I had rode with you around.
I forgot to shut the door.
-
Since noon you had taken your bike to the village to say hello to your mother.
An hour out of town I thought you had taken too long.
You were afraid of scratching your birthday present,
dirt roads can be rough after all and the village had dirt roads galore,
you wore a helmet,
my mum and yours made sure.
-
The car was second hand but shiny,
old but the newest thing you had ever owned.
Our country came from civil war,
you were dirt poor.
So this car meant a lot.
-
When it started to rain,
my sister said to me the most peculiar thing.
"Shut the door, he wouldn't have wanted the inside getting wet."
Only a young mind can think of such trivial things,
in a time of such great sorrow.
-
Shutting the door was the hardest thing I've ever done.
When it closed you were gone.
It was like sealing your coffin.
-
Do you understand why in this dream,
when you came around to me,
I believed you were back.
I cried into my pillow this morning,
two years ago today you died,
I've had that same dream twice,
I fell for it two years in a row.
I wish I were still asleep but humans were made to suffer.
see you next year dad.
____________
Dedicated to my dad, Dara Than.
-
Survivor of genocide, refugee, smuggler, he saved a thousand lives at risk of his own when petitioning for a politically neutral refugee camp, wanted by two governments for 14 years afterwards, pardoned in 2003.
-
I could only ever hope to be a fraction of the man you were.
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140,083 Literary Works • 672,994 Reviews
Aye there, this was really sad and really well written. It made me think of my boyfriend and how much I can't bear the thought of losing him. When you think about the fact that everyone you love will die at some point...you just kind of crumble inside. Especially those that you hold close to your heart, and especially in unexpected ways. Thanks for writing this.
Well I'm glad it could make someone think, really that's the ultimate goal for any piece of work in my opinion.
This made me cry. Anything that can make me cry is absolutely amazing. Beautifully written, this poem speaks to me a deeper level that I don't get to see much. I have not lost a parent or anyone close to me so I have no idea how it feels to lose someone, but you have given me some understanding as to what it is like. Thank you for writing this and please continue writing.
thank you for the comment, I wish you never have to lose someone, but if does happen I hope you part on good terms.
There is no describing how good this poem is. It sounds like you had, and still have, a very close relationship with your father that transcends death and time itself. I can't relate 100%, as I have not lost a parent, but I can say that losing someone that close to you, that important to you, is something that is nearly impossible to overcome alone, and writing is a good way to express every single feeling, the pain and the relief that you will feel. It not only is a great way to share with others how you feel, but to meet other people who can relate. This was a great way for you to get that stuff out there. Keep writing because you have a true talent, and I'm including your great writing skills as well as your ability to move and convey emotion to readers!
thank you
Holy cow. I have to say; you did a great job with this. Death is a tough topic, especially when it's regarding someone close to you. I'm really sorry for your loss; I know what that's like.
That aside, you did a wonderful job channeling those emotions into a piece as strong and well-composed as this was. It really pulled on my heartstrings. That "See you next year, Dad" at the end packed a huge punch. I really admire works like this; the concept of false hope and having the same dream two years in a row of your dad's return is both original and well-written on your part. I really enjoyed the specific details of the dream (like the car, for example). They made the poem more personal to you as the writer, and thus allowed the reader to have more of an emotional connection.
There are a few grammatical mistakes (for instance, "you see to me you were alive" should be "you seemed alive to me" or "it seemed to me that you were alive"). I think reading over your work and editing minor errors is the only suggestion I really have for you, unfortunately. This was quite the read, and you're a talented writer.
Thanks a lot for writing, man.
-JC
thanks man, I hope you're doing good.
As for the grammar mistake, I had a feeling it would get confused. My fault entirely I removed some punctuation from it.
"You see, to me you were alive"
the comma completes it but I didn't use a comma for some reason.
Ah, I see now. Sorry about that. Thanks for clarifying!
Is this a true story? Because if that's the case......WOW. I'm so sorry about the sadness in this poem. I felt some of the rhyming was forced, but overall I liked the unique flow and rhythm you added to it.
Dreams are a mystery. They may mean nothing or everything to a person. Perhaps God gave us the ability to dream for so many undiscovered reasons. I don't dream that much though I tend to show my creative side by night and dull side by day. I think that in this dream, you get a message out of this. Something that you wouldn't easily forget. I definitely found this work of writing to be..hopeful and intriguing. I did enjoy reading this.
While I scanned your work and absorbed the words, I admit that I also absorbed the feelings amalgamated with this poem. I didn't notice any grammatical mistakes or typos except in the beginning you had put: "Your new car shined,
two years ago."
^ You could re-work this to say: "Your new car's shine, two years ago." That way you are talking about reminiscing the way the sunlight gleamed on the impeccably-damaged car.
Overall, I really liked reading this poem. I hope to hear from you again. This started out as a poem, turned into a story, morphed into a message, and left me with a satisfactory feeling when I finished.
*smashes Like button*
Have a wonderful day, fellow YWS writer!
~ Catlover
thanks for the review, glad you liked it and yes this is all true.
Awe I'm sorry. If you ever want to come vent or talk about it just pm me & I'll be there.