I've been there and back,
to the edge of the world.
I've stared into the chasm beneath.
I've watched things fall,
they fall and fall, and are still falling.
Through my red rimmed eyes,
I saw he blackness tilt ever closer.
I leaned over the abyss,
and in it I saw what scared me the most,
the nothingness, the forever of empty.
I crawled back, through the mud and blood.
Back from the edge,
from that terrible pulsating darkness.
One misplaced step would send you teetering over the edge,
forever.
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140,079 Literary Works • 673,000 Reviews
Hey there! AnimeGIrl here, just thought I would drop by and say a few things about your work here. So lets hop on a magical fox and get started.
I wanted to start off with saying that I liked this poem, it was good and I don't want to change much about it. But some things caught my eye. First off I wanted to talk about how it is set up, my personal opinion on poems this long is that you put them into stanzas but that's just me. In the seventh line it says,
"I saw he blackness tilt ever closer."
Did you mean the? It was a small typo, but it bugged me a little. So I thought to point it out.
Another thing, I liked the way the poem is but it's lacking in some more explanation on what is happening. I feel like I just jumped three pages ahead in a story, I kind of get it but it's still kind of confusing. Maybe add more detail to it to make it even better than what it is about.
I did like the feel of this one, it was very good just needs a few touch ups here and there. But I just want to say that this is all my own opinion and if you feel it doesn't need any changing then don't change it, but thank you for sharing this with us!
Keep writing!
-AnimeGirl
What's up!
But I'm still not sure if this poem is about the interesting unknown that all creatures fear, when you said why were your eyes red? Are you so fearful of the future you become distressed and cry? I am just unsure as to what you're trying to say. I also have a few problems with your repetitive diction, you repeat words multiple times (which I get is on purpose to create emphasis) but, you should vary some of the words.Glad you shared your poem! It has a few faults though, first off: what is this poem about? I get a small understanding of where you're going with :
Hi I am jessiebear and I love what you said. it was very nice. But I think it needs more description. like what did it feel like and you said fall to much like (I've watched things fall, they fall and fall, and are still falling) maybe say it like this (I've watched things fall, they fall and fall, and are still plummeting). But over all I love it. good day/night