when I was a child
a small child
maybe 5 or 6
I learned how to
count on my fingers and toes
I learned that friends were those who smiled back at me
I learned how to cut
paper hearts and how to write friendly letters
I learned how to
read books about kisses
I dreamed of clear
skies.
when I was a child
a bit of an older child
maybe 8 or 9
I learned to count
the points written in red ink, to care about a grade
I learned that friends were those who you played with at recess
I learned how to cut
up different words and make stories of my own
I learned to write
stories about kisses
I dreamed of brainstorms, full of imagination to explore.
when I was a child
an older child
maybe 11 or 12
I learned how to
count my friends
I learned that not
everyone liked me, we were not all amigos
I learned how to cut
up the insults and shred them with my tears
I learned how not
all books are about kisses
most are about
heartbreak inside
I dreamed of the
summer and weekends.
when I was a child
a fresh teen
maybe 13 or 14
I learned that
counting friends was foolish, that the numbers fluctuate too fast
I learned that even
my friends could hate me, maybe all of them did
I learned to cut up and cover my suspicions in jokes and makeup
I learned that there
are a lot of books on fixing yourself
that maybe we were
all broken to start with
and maybe I was just
the last one to realize that I wasn’t okay
I dreamed of returning to my home, of finally being alone.
when I was a child
an older teen
maybe 16 or 17
I learned that
having enough friends to count was a blessing
I learned that no
one hated me, not really
I learned to cut up past pain and scatter it behind me
I learned that
hiding my true self was suffocating and I was running low on air
I learned that a lot
books are about redemption
and maybe we all go
through rough patches at one point or another
and those moments
shape and form us into who we are today
I dreamed of the
future.
Thanks again!
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