Losing you feels wrong.
Letting you go feels I’ve been skewed all along
I used to see glimmer in those cerulean like eyes,
Now,
I see wither in those lifeless lies.
I loved you.
Truly and always will,
But sometimes,
You’ll never find the loving will.
--------------------------------------------
Giving thoughtful notes,
(I’ve hinted a plethora of times.)
Staring until caught,
(Right into those graceful eyes.)
Your face,
(The colors of flowers,)
Just like Yung kai, Wildflowers.
“So paint my world with your colors”
Color’s are my life.
You are my life.
4-11-26
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Love your work Nataleen with three Es! It's a pretty self explanatory but profound piece on love and loss I see. Love the allusion of Yung Kai's wildflowers, it indeed is a beautiful song! The rhyming is a but awkward though, it seems like you were trying to rhyme but then gave up eventually. I had done similar mistakes with my own poems so I suggest going with a rhyming scheme or going with a free verse.
Anyways, amazing lines as always. Can't wait to read more of your work!
Yea lol I was bored and it was around 1 am so eh I might edit the poem later tonight
OH I KNOW WHAT I WAS TRYING TO DO I WAS TRYING LIKE LITTLE SIDE NOTES
Hello, Hope here.
This poem is cool and I like poetry based off of music, but I noticed a few issues right off the bat.
Firstly
**I used to see glimmer in those cerulean like eyes,
Now,
I see wither in those lifeless eyes.**
Glimmer and Wither don't rhyme, poetry doesn't have to rhyme, but it feels like you were trying to rhyme them here.
You also rhyme 'eyes' with 'eyes' repetition can work sometimes, but because of the formatting here, it seems like it should have a rhyme as well. You do the same thing with times later on, so it seems intentional, but it needs a bit more work to make it smooth.
The main reason it feels off is because there is a rhyme scheme that goes like this:
**
The cat is in the window box,
She is wearing bat socks
**
Box and Socks rhyme, but Bat and Cat are a smaller, secondary rhyme.
So when you read:
**I used to see glimmer in those cerulean like eyes,
Now,
I see wither in those lifeless eyes.**
you expect to see a rhyme between wither and glimmer and eyes and eyes.
The rest of the rhymes are a little awkward as well. I hope I explained this well. T-T
Yea lol I was bored and it was around 1 am so I wasn%u2019t even sure if what I was doing lol
OH I KNOW WHAT I WAS TRYING TO DO I WAS TRYING LIKE LITTLE SIDE NOTES
<3
Esse poema é tão romântico e apaixonado!! O que achei mais incrível foi o seu uso do recurso do olhos. Não sei se você conhece, mas no meu país temos um grande escritor chamado: Machado de Assis. Ele também utilizava-se dos olhos para representar a essência do personagem. Parabéns, seu poema é romântico e profundo!!!