Just like Jedidiah,
Wise..
As wise as an owl..
Glory..
Like how your eyes shine like flory..
Even glass like..
They tell a story.
Just like the meaning..
Natalie..
Adventurous brain,
Had no one left to blame..
Deep feels,
Everyone comes to kneel..
And hopeful..
Hopeful enough to keep up,
for
Jedidiah.
But really,
It's just names…
Names written in someone's memories..
4-6-26
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Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
I like this concept of rather than placing these people as memories, they're only stored as names. This interesting because it makes my thoughts jump to whether these people had importance and are now simply forgotten, or the other way around where they had much importance but something happened that ruined the relationship? I don't know just writing my thoughts right now anyways lol...
Love this line, couldn't even tell you why I just love the symbolism and the direct metaphor it shows. As if these stories are just filled with these names, and names are all that they truly are.
Anyways, I delightful read for me. It was short, sweet, and powerful. I liked the message and it was clearly delivered while still giving the reader some of their own imagination to explore what this concept was and how it was speaking to them.
Best regards!
-Jane Amelia
I like this concept of rather than placing these people as memories, they're only stored as names. This interesting because it makes my thoughts jump to whether these people had importance and are now simply forgotten, or the other way around where they had much importance but something happened that ruined the relationship? I don't know just writing my thoughts right now anyways lol...
Love this line, couldn't even tell you why I just love the symbolism and the direct metaphor it shows. As if these stories are just filled with these names, and names are all that they truly are.
Anyways, I delightful read for me. It was short, sweet, and powerful. I liked the message and it was clearly delivered while still giving the reader some of their own imagination to explore what this concept was and how it was speaking to them.
Best regards!
-Jane Amelia
ooh this was really interesting!!
𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤 𝕚 𝕝𝕠𝕧𝕖𝕕:
ok first off, i love your style and it's awesome to see you pursuing writing so avidly!
this poem seems to center around two characters/names, natalie and jedidiah. are they based off the meanings (or origins) of the names maybe?? i'd love to hear more of what inspired this poem!
woah this hit different with me for some reason. how you wrap it up nicely with the mention of "jedidiah" again, and also you convey the two's relationship with each other (that of: natalie waiting for jedidiah)
its really cool how you were able to paint a story within only a few lines!
𝕝𝕚𝕟𝕖𝕤 𝕥𝕠 𝕣𝕖𝕞𝕖𝕞𝕓𝕖𝕣:
loved it =D
𝕡𝕝𝕒𝕔𝕖𝕤 𝕥𝕠 𝕘𝕣𝕠𝕨:
i would've loved to have seen this drawn out a bit!
to do that: you could show instead of telling! rather than, say, directly saying Natalie has an adventurous brain, show it. maybe she does certain things and makes certain choices that shows the adventurous/audacious nature she has.
another small thing! it can be hard to rhyme consistently (trust me i know T-T) and i hope that you know it's okay to sometimes have an inconsistent rhyme scheme or even no rhyme at all!
in lines like:
don't feel obligated to rhyme here! it's better to have a poem flow better than to try force in a word that may not fit.
last thing: sometimes you change tenses throughout the poem!
back to present XD
those were just miniscule suggestions though! please take it or leave it!
overall, this was a great piece.
keep writing, my friend
tati~
Tyyy! Jedidiah is basically kinda a cover name for my crush (Jed) and I am Natalie with Natalie means Birth of Lord and Jedidiah Beloved I'm pretty sure :3
Que poema bom! Essas associações de nomes e memórias são muito interessantes. A profundidade com que você associa essa memória perdida, de pessoas esquecidas! Eu, particulamente, gosto muito dessa ideia de tema!! Eu não entendo muito de poesia e poemas americanos, porém, queria te recomendar aproximar mais as métricas de um verso com outro. Eu não sou a pessoa mais certa para falar isso para ti, pois também prefiro escrever poemas menos baseado nos "moldes", e mais baseado no sentimento. Entretanto, para mim seu poema está perfeito!!!!