I wish your voice would fade from my ears.
I wish your face would leave my thoughts.
I wish you’d vanish from my mind.
I wonder if you behold what stirs inside me.
When your shadow crosses my path,
I let you slip away,
Though my heart clung tight,
Too tight.
Yours felt distant.
Too distant..
You may have loved,
or so I hoped.
But your heart was a locked door,
And I never found the key..
Oh, dear Jedidiah.
Do you recall the laughter we shared?
Do you?
Do you really?
Fantasy made in my head.
Dreams I made.
Oh how idiotic.
Oh how idiotically stupid I was in love,
Can they disappear like morning fog?
I don’t want to let go of you.
Mustn’t you see?
I had to let go..
Fore,
It's a weight.
I couldn’t shake.
12-6-25
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Hi!
This is really realistic to how break ups go. My favorite quote was, "But your heart was a locked door, And I never found the key.." it is full of emotion, but that may just be me. It is really realistic especially with my current situation because I am currently going through the worst break up. I appreciate the poem because it is saying everything I am going through. His heart was locked the whole time. No communication with me besides yelling. Then when I couldn't do it anymore he just turned his feelings off towards me. Three whole years down the drain because he couldn't communicate without yelling. I love this poem so much. Please know your writing is helping people you don't even know.
Lots of love,
Walker
Awww Ty! And these kind of reviews are helping me as well!
I feel like this captures a messy breakup where you’re switching between wanting to forget the person from your brain and wishing they’d just see how much you’re hurting.
I also feel like the repetition of "Do you?" really hits—it feels like that desperate loop we all get stuck in, questioning if the good times were even real or just something we sold ourselves.
and the "morning fog" line is really good. I feel like it perfectly describes how those intense feelings feel like they should evaporate, but they stay heavy. It's a painful, honest look at the idiotic side of love that everyone has gone through.
I love it. I like all the lines so much that I can't choose favorites.
You painted a delicious (delicious is just one of my words for exceptionally beautiful) image, of a love so deep that it aches.
One thing I wonder about is whether 'fore' should have been capitalized, but I'm not sure. Feel free to ignore that if it was intentional!
I know I should write something helpful here, but since I'm still savoring the words, I'll leave that to the next reviewer.
It's beautiful. Keep up the great work!