The Progeny : Chapter 31

by MissGangamash

Published September 1, 2016

16+

In The Progeny (Novel)

Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

Caius managed to return to Robin just as he was waking. He turned the corner of the side street with his new companion close behind as Robin lifted himself up weakly with both arms and dropped against the wall with a groan.

Caius squatted before him and watched as his eyes rolled around in his head. “How are you feeling?”

“…weird,” he groaned and rubbed the back of his neck. His eyes found Caius, his gaze unfocused. “Am I a vampire?”

“Almost.” Caius’ eyes flicked up to the woman stood beside him. She smiled down at him and ran her fingers through his hair cherishingly. Caius bit back the urge to snap at her and turned back to Robin. “You need to feed. You are currently between states. Not human but not fully vampire. If you don’t drink soon, your body will shut down and you’ll be dead. Permanently.”

Robin’s eyes lost their glassy quality and he was suddenly aware that they weren’t alone. He looked up at the red haired woman stood in front of him and a goofy smile filled his face. “Well hello.”

“This is Anna-lynn. She works at the Dial-a-bite. You need to feed from her,” said Caius.

Robin’s grin widened. “Okay.”

Anna-lynn thrust out her arm to him and he stared at it, at the blue veins that were visible through the thin skin of her wrist. The only light was what pooled from the street lamps at the opening of the alley but Caius could see just fine and knew that so could Robin now. Robin pressed his nose to her wrist and inhaled deeply. “Wow.” Caius watched as the veins corded under Robin’s eyes and he jolted, smacking the back of his head against the wall when his fangs burst free. “Shit, that hurt. Does it always hurt?” He touched his fangs carefully.

“You get used to it.”

He looked up at Caius, his brown eyes now dead black tunnels. The tips of his fangs rested on his lower lip. He licked Anna-lynn’s wrist with a soft swipe and she shuddered but otherwise stayed still. Then Caius saw it- the primal instinct take over. Robin sank his fangs into her and grabbed her arm with both hands, tearing at her skin. She gasped and swallowed a moan.

“Be careful,” Caius warned. “Don’t get carried away.”

The smell of her blood hit Caius in a wave and he felt the force of his fangs trying to burst free. He knew how she tasted and the thought of it made his stomach growl.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” said Anna-lynn with a slight strain to her voice as she watched the new-born vampire feed from her. “The new ones are always dangerous. How did you talk me into this?”

Caius kept his focus on Robin, timing how long he fed. He had not talked Anna-lynn into helping him at all. He had walked into the Dial-a-bite building and asked for someone who could be of service right away. As soon as he had told the woman behind the counter his name, Anna-lynn had come running out of the back room and offered herself immediately. Apparently their encounter had been memorable for her. It had been for him, too, but in a completely different way.

He couldn’t get the image of Evie’s look of complete horror when she had entered the house to find them together. It had looked wrong, he should have known better. But he had been so hungry, he hadn’t been thinking. He just knew the right places to bite for maximum blood flow.

Just as Caius was readying himself to tackle his new progeny, Robin pulled back with a gasp of delight and sank against the wall, his eyes fluttering closed. “That was awesome.”

Caius couldn’t help but smile. He straightened and gazed down at his new progeny as he wiped blood off his chin and licked it off his palm.

“Now you need to heal her.”

Robin squinted up at him and gave him a quizzical look. “How?”

“Prick your finger and rub your blood onto her wound.”

Caius turned to look at Anna-lynn who still had her arm stuck out. She was staring at him with all consuming passion. It unnerved him and made him step away slightly.

Robin did what he said and pricked his finger before pressing it to Anna-lynn’s ugly wound.

“You know, you never healed me afterwards,” she said to Caius, her voice low and husky. Her long lashes brushed her cheekbones as she looked him up and down.

“Sorry about that,” he replied, trying to focus more on the healing wound.

“It’s okay.” He flinched when she leaned closer to him. Her breath was hot against his neck as her lips brushed against his ear. “I like the scar. It reminds me of you.”

He jerked away and saw Robin looking up at him from the ground with a knowing grin. “Now I’m a vampire, will I become a complete stud, too?”

Caius ignored the remark and held out a hand to him. He took it and Caius hoisted him to his feet. Now fully healed, Anna-lynn took out a tissue from the pocket of her cut off denim jacket that she had thrown on over her floral dress and wiped away the excess blood. She wasn’t dressed for the cold winter weather.

“Right. That’s twenty for the wrist,” she said, stuffing the bloody tissue back into her pocket.

Caius’ eyes widened as he patted the empty pockets of his jeans. “I don’t have any money. Do you?” he asked Robin.

He stuffed his hands into his jeans pockets and pulled out their contents. “I have… a bus ticket and two pound ninety. Oh, and a paperclip.”

Anna-lynn crossed her arms over her chest and arched an eyebrow at Caius. “Then how do you expect to pay me?”

Caius hadn’t thought this through. He had just known that he needed to find Robin someone to drink from. And blood whores were the only legal source. He could have gotten a blood bag but the hospital was too far away and there was always a fuss about rationing. He had needed to be there for when Robin woke up.

“Erhh...” Caius shifted his eyes to Robin who just shrugged back at him.

“Tell you what, you can pay me some other way.”

Caius’ eyes shifted back to Anna-lynn and he gulped at the sultry look in her eyes. He was almost too afraid to ask. “How exactly?”

She grinned, making her emerald eyes glimmer. “Kiss me and we’re even.”

An iron fist gripped his stomach and Caius found himself stepping back. “Erh…”

She arched her eyebrow. “Either that, or you can give me your shirt.” She held out her hand.

“It’s not my shirt.” Alexander had given it to him after his blood had ruined the cool baja jacket he had found. But even if it was his shirt, he didn’t really fancy walking back to Evie only half dressed. That would have raised far too many questions that he really didn’t want to answer. Evie hated Anne-lynn already. This wouldn’t help.

But kissing her? That wouldn’t help either.

“So, which is it?” She tugged on the hem of his t-shirt impatiently.

“How about if I kiss you, would that settle everything?” offered Robin, coming to his aid.

Anna-lynn glanced at him. “No. No it wouldn’t.”

Caius shifted awkwardly. “One kiss.” He hadn’t kissed any other girl than Evie for a hundred years.

Her eyes shone again and she nodded. “Just one.”

“Finmmm-” His agreement was smothered by her lips. Her grip on the hem of his t-shirt tightened as she tugged him forwards against her body. Caius pursed his lips and squeezed his eyes shut, waiting for it to be over. And, after a little longer than necessary, the kiss broke.

She exhaled a sigh of delight and plunged her hands into her jacket pockets with a grin as if she’d just won the lottery. She spun and headed down the street the way they had come, turning to Caius just before she rounded the corner. Her red hair blew across her shoulders in the breeze. It was the only thing that made her look remotely like Evie. The shape of her face was very harsh and severe whereas Evie’s features were soft and gentle and perfect. “Let me know if you need any more favours. I’ll be waiting.” She winked before leaving.

Caius looked back to Robin and felt instantly embarrassed by the look on his face. “Dude, that chick is seriously into you.”

Caius sighed. “Come on, let’s go. We have a long walk before sunrise.”

They veered from the side street and headed down the main road. “Please tell me I’ll get that much female attention now. Vampires are hot, right?”

Caius casted him an exasperated glance. “You’ve been reading too many young adult books.”

He shook his head. “No. They are. Have you seen the queues at the vampire bars? Chicks dig vampires. Because they’re all dark and mysterious. I mean we’re all dark and mysterious.” He slapped Caius on the shoulder. “Oh dude, I can’t believe this has actually happened. I’m actually a vampire. This is the best night of my life.”

Robin talked nonstop as they headed out of the city and into the less urban areas. Caius was hoping he hadn’t made the wrong decision as he massaged his temples to calm a brewing migraine. He didn’t even know that vampires could get migraines.

After discovering his new superhuman speed, Robin started to run rings around his Maker, becoming a black blur until Caius stuck out his arm and seized his shoulder. Now the new vampire walked a step behind him, still jabbering to himself.

“Man, I wish I could like… go creep up on all those guys who used to beat me up. Sneak into their bedrooms and make them shit their pants,” he laughed to himself.

“You have to be invited into someone’s house before you can enter it.”

“Oh yeah…”

“But you didn’t want to become a vampire for revenge, right?” Caius looked to him for confirmation.

Robin nodded. “Yeah, totally. I was just saying it would be fun.” He grinned. “It would also be fun to beat them up. See how they like having three fractured ribs and a severely bruised tailbone.”

Caius had come to realise that Robin was all mouth. They had been walking for just less than an hour now and he had had no desire to leave his side to go and track down said bullies.

“You have a lot of hate in your heart,” said Caius, focusing on the road ahead.

“Sure do. The world hates me so I don’t see why it should expect anything else in return.”

“You can’t be a hate-filled vampire. Hate turns to anger. Anger turns to rage. And rage turns to a bloody massacre.” His eyes casted downwards. “And then you’ll have the Vampire Court on your back.”

“The Vampire Court? What’s that?” Robin jogged to fall into a step by Caius’ side.

“They straighten out rogue vampires. And when I say straighten out, I mean they usually destroy them. Unless they are ancients because apparently they are less expendable.”

He gulped. “How have I never heard of them?”

“Humans don’t know they exist. They don’t know that they do most of the job of keeping vampires in order. Most vampires don’t know about them, either. And the ones that do… they know to stay out of their way.”

“I’m guessing that you’ve learnt to stay out of their way…”

Caius casted him a sidelong glance. “I keep finding myself in their way.”

Robin paled. “Are you, like, in trouble or something?”

“Yes. And you are my ticket out of it.”

What?”

Caius squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, fearing he had said too much. He should have just stayed silent. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Yes it does. If you’re in trouble, does that mean I am in trouble, too? Do I need to watch my back?”

“No, Robin, forget what I said. And I’m your Maker now. I watch your back and you watch mine.”

“Did you just Turn me so that I could be your bodyguard?”

“If I wanted a vampire bodyguard, I would have asked for an ancient’s help, not a new-born’s.” Caius glanced at him again, his eyes sharp and unyielding. “Now let’s just forget this, okay? You’re not in trouble. That’s all you need to know.”

Robin sighed and kicked a stone. “Fine.”

“And when we get home, you are going to let me do the talking.” Caius felt a little odd referring to the old woman’s house he was currently squatting it as ‘home’, but he guessed it was his home now. His home was anywhere Evie was.

Robin huffed loudly then coughed and spluttered. Caius watched him as he continued to walk a little bent over. “Keep forgetting I don’t actually breathe,” he wheezed. “The air feels weird when I try to inhale.”

“Then don’t.” Robin sent Caius a sharp look and he quickly amended himself. “You’ll get used to it.”

“Where is your home anyway? And who exactly am I supposed to be sealing my lips from? Which, by the way, I have a feeling isn’t going to last very long.”

Caius had that feeling, too. And that feeling was gnawing at his insides.

“I’m staying in a farm house out in the country.”

“With other vampires?”

Caius nodded. “Where am I taking you from, by the way? You never actually told me of your current living arrangements.”

“I’m with a foster family.” He ducked his head from the breeze and his long dark curls blew from his forehead. “I mean was.” He grinned and shifted his eyes to Caius. “Now I’m with you.”

“Will they be worried?”

“I doubt it. The mother’s always trying to get rid of me anyway. Keeps losing me when we’re out in public. I’m guessing fostering was the father’s idea and she’s just a passive aggressive bitch.”

Robin’s hands turned into fists by his sides and Caius recognised the wince of pain on his face as his fangs threatened to pop out. If Caius still breathed, he was sure he would have held his breath as he waited for his new progeny to lose control and let his anger win. But as he watched, Robin’s tight expression waned and his fingers uncurled slowly. When he opened his eyes to stare ahead, he looked completely collected.

Caius was impressed. He was learning fast. He figured he shouldn’t have doubted him. Robin had been able to stop himself from feeding from Anna-lynn by himself and Caius knew just how difficult that could be for a new-born. Especially if the vampire was attracted to its meal.

“So these vampires.” Robin turned to him, making Caius blink hard and focus his eyes. “The ones you’re living with- they cool?”

“I’ve only known two of them for a few nights but I’m pretty sure they’re harmless. The other… well… she’s something special.”

Robin grinned. “Are you blushing?”

Caius scowled and forced his lips into a thin line, which just made Robin chuckle. “Awh, Caius, I didn’t peg you for a big softy.”

“I’m not soft.”

“But you’re in love?”

“Love doesn’t make you soft.”

Robin shrugged. “I beg to differ. I think hate makes you strong and love makes you weak.”

Caius furrowed his brows, intrigued by his insight. “How do you mean?”

“Love is a privilege. And if you live privileged, you become comfortable. And when you’re comfortable, you don’t try as hard. You turn soft.”

A sinking feeling inside Caius’ gut made him want to embrace Robin and hold him tight against him. He knew by the look on his face that he truly believed what he was saying. He had lived a life of abandonment and hate which had turned him hard and bitter. He had never had anyone in his life to love so how could he truly understand it?

“Love doesn’t make you weak, Robin,” Caius said in a steady tone, trying not to sound like he was preaching. “It makes you selfless.”

Robin just scoffed. “Whatever, dude. Same thing. But hey, I guess it makes sense now why you didn’t want to kiss that Anna-lynn chick.” He sent him a crooked smile. “I’m guessing you want me to stay quiet about that too, huh?”

Guilt made Caius’ stomach flip. “That would be greatly appreciated.”

Caius and Robin had vampire sprinted most of their way down the country roads when Caius thought it was safe for Robin to do so. As a new-born vampire, it could be hard to navigate at such a high speed so Caius kept a tight grip on his progeny’s hand as they sped through the night. Without knowing his destination, if Robin had not had Caius to guide him, he could have ended up ploughing through a house or speeding off a cliff.

Caius came to a stop just down the road from Mrs. Braverman’s house. Robin halted by his side and quickly released his hand from Caius’. He had been very reluctant to hold it in the first place.

“We here?” Robin asked, wiping his palm down his fleece.

Caius’ eyes were on the big white house that stuck out in stark contrast to the night. The darkness was starting to dissipate as the sun readied itself to wake. He started to head towards the house and paused at the gate, trepidation rooting him to the spot as he stared at the windows that had their curtains pulled tightly shut.

“Oh my God. Gross.” Robin came up by his side, squirming. Caius shifted his eyes to where Robin’s had fallen. A mangled sheep carcass was torn open on the front lawn, its innards swarming with maggots. “That is pretty sick, dude. Did they do that?”

“Yes. It’s a precaution.”

“A precaution for what?”

“That’s a story for another night. The sun will be coming up soon. We don’t have much time.”

“So why aren’t we going inside?”

Caius’ jaw flexed and he squeezed his eyes shut as he forced himself to move forwards, pushing the gate open. What was Evie going to think when he came back with another progeny? Was she going to feel like he was trying to replace her? Because he was replacing her. His stomach knotted as he reached the front step.

He didn’t want to replace her. He could never replace her. She was his everything.

He gave Robin a sidelong glance. He was standing by his side, his eager eyes staring up at the door.

But Evie had Varsee now. He couldn’t count on her to be there when he needed her to be. No matter how much she fought against it, her tie to Varsee was too strong to ignore. Caius absently rubbed the spot on his chest where the bullet had broken through his ribs. The pain of the wooden bullet was nowhere near to the hurt he felt when he had realised she had dived to Varsee’s aid instead of his.

For a hundred years it had been just him and Evie. He had to just get used to the fact that that was no longer the case.

Robin must have felt his Maker’s eyes on him because he turned. He smiled encouragingly and Caius nodded back, rapping his knuckles on the door.

He had chosen a good progeny. His responsibility as a Maker must come first now and he just had to hope Evie would understand, even if he wasn’t going to tell her the whole truth about why he was not returning alone. She couldn’t know about Guardian. He needed to stay a distant memory to her. No longer a real threat.

The door swung open and Caius bit into the inside of his mouth. When he saw that it was Varsee, he relaxed slightly.

“You’ve been a while,” she scrutinised and then shifted her gaze to his company. Robin stiffened by his side, his brown eyes huge. “And who’s this?” Varsee relaxed against the doorframe and crossed her arms over her chest. “This isn’t a hotel you know? You can’t just bring in strays.”

Caius gulped and lifted his chin in an attempt to look confident even though he was quivering inside. “This is Robin. He’s my… progeny.”

Varsee arched an eyebrow. “I thought you were called by your Maker?”

He opened his mouth to reply but then froze when he heard footsteps coming from the living room. Evie appeared, looking radiant in a simple white t-shirt and blue jeans that actually fit her. They must have been the clothes Alexander had bought for her.

“Caius!” she gushed and ran over to embrace him. He held out his arms and let her fling herself at him, wrapping her arms tightly around his back. He stumbled back a little at the impact before nuzzling his face into her hair. He was so happy to see her. All the tension in his body had left and all he cared about at that moment was that she was safe. But then she pulled away and her hazel eyes hit Robin, and Caius’ body went stiff again. “Who’s this?”

His eyes flew to Varsee, seeking assistance. The blonde vampire gave him a quizzical look. “It’s his new progeny.”

Evie stumbled back over the threshold of the house and Varsee’s arm snaked around her waist as if to catch her before she fell. The look on her face was as if Caius had just punched her in the heart. He wanted so badly to reach for her but he knew it wasn’t the best idea. By the hurt in her eyes, he knew she’d pull away and that would just be too painful to bear.

“What?” she rushed.

Caius couldn’t find words. A silence fell over them, making the sound of the wind whistling through the trees almost deafening.

Then Robin thrust his hand out. “I’m Robin.”

Evie’s eyes finally pulled away from Caius and settled on Robin. She looked at him with a mixture of disgust and horror before she turned and ran up the stairs. All three of them watched her go. Caius’ heart sank to his feet and he jumped as the bang of a door slamming reverberated through the house. Alexander shouted his annoyance from upstairs and then everything went silent again.

Varsee turned back to Caius and cocked an eyebrow, folding her arms back across her chest. The look she was giving him had him seething. It was a haughty now-look-what-you’ve-done look. Varsee had said that they didn’t need to play against each other for Evie’s affection, but it seemed now that she had found herself winning and was rather enjoying it.

Her eyes scanned the sky and then she ushered them both in the house. “It’ll be light soon.”

Robin spun in slow circles in the hallway, studying his surroundings. “Well, when I found out I was going to be living with a bunch of vampires, this isn’t exactly what I had imagined.”

“What did you expect, gothic spires and gargoyles?” asked Varsee in her cool, collected tone but it lacked its usual soft edge. She stood inspecting Robin.

“Not exactly.” He picked up a crochet doily from the side table and studied it before putting it back in its place. “Just less frills.”

When he turned to see Varsee staring at him, he started a little then showed her a nervous smile.

The hostility in the room was almost palpable and Caius figured it was the reason Robin was suddenly so subdued. “So are you going to tell me what the hell is going on?” Her eyes flickered to Caius, and Robin relaxed, dropping back against the floral wall.

“I needed a new progeny,” he said. “After you and your brother’s little stunt with the guns, I realised I need someone on my side.”

“You mean you needed a replacement now that Evie is mine?”

Caius’ jaw set. “No one can replace Evie.”

“And yet you are trying.” She glanced back to Robin.

“He needed help. I helped him,” said Caius.

“Help? What kind of help?”

“He wanted to become a vampire. And I needed someone who will have my back. I thought I could kill two birds with one stone.”

Varsee narrowed her eyes with suspicion. “You are hiding something. You must have known how Evie would take the news of you Turning another. And you love her. You wouldn’t want to hurt her. This wasn’t your idea, was it?” She cocked her head. “It was your Maker who called you. Did she put you up to this? Did she want you to continue the blood line?”

“I don’t understand why you care so much.”

Varsee took a step forward. She was tall for a woman but Caius still had a few inches on her, yet somehow he found her looking down at him. “I care because you have upset Evie.” She stabbed her manicured finger up the stairs. “You are acting out because you don’t like the fact that I am her Maker now but that is just the way it is.” She bared her teeth and Caius blinked at the click of her fangs extending. “I am trying to be the bigger person here, Caius. I could have casted you aside when you had first barged your way into my home but I accepted you for Evie’s sake.”

“I am still here only because you know I am no threat. Evie and I might still have a link but you have showed that it is no match for what she has with you. If you want to gloat, go ahead.”

She lowered her chin and sheathed her fangs. “I don’t want to gloat. I want to nurture what is still left between the two of you. It’s special. You cannot survive in a world like this without people to love and people to love you. I want Evie to have that. And when I release her when the time is right, I want you to be there for her.” She looked him up and down, her nose crinkled with disgust. “Get your shit together, Caius. Don’t make me regret my hospitality.” She glanced back and gestured to Robin. “There’s a spare room upstairs for you.” When she turned back to Caius, she sighed. “I don’t know where you want to sleep.”

She ascended the stairs and left Caius and Robin alone in the hallway. Caius furrowed his brows with concern when he noticed Robin with his head hung and blood smeared across the back of his hand. When he looked up, smudged red tracks marred his face. Caius closed the distance between them and took his head in his hand.

“Are you okay?”

Robin sniffed with a nod and shoved his hand away. “It’s not true, what she said. You can survive without love.”

Caius showed him a sympathetic smile and patted him on the side. “They’ll get over this. It’s just a shock, that’s all. They’ll accept you.”

“I’m guessing that Evie chick is your girlfriend?” he asked, the cocky edge to his demeanour had returned and Caius couldn’t have been happier.

“Yeah.” He looked up the stairs and frowned. But for how long?

“Seems to me like you’ve got some serious grovelling to do, dude.”

“Tomorrow night.” Caius swiped his hand down his face, feeling the weight of the rising sun pressing down on him. “I need to sleep.”

“I’m still wide awake.”

“That’s because you’re a new-born. You’ve still got a human body clock. In a few weeks that’ll change and you’ll feel more urgent to sleep before the sun comes up. But once it is up, you’ll be knocked out like the rest of us.”

Robin shrugged and nodded in understanding. “Well, apparently I have my own room. You’re welcome to stay with me tonight. I’m guessing your chick won’t be best pleased if you crawl into bed with her.”

He winced at the thought of Evie kicking him out of bed but he couldn’t hide from her. “Thanks for the offer, but I’ll pass.”

“Suit yourself.” Robin began ascending the stairs and Caius followed slowly behind, his eyes drooping closed with sudden exhaustion. The lights upstairs were off and everything was quiet. He gave a sweeping gesture to the spare bedroom door and Robin nodded to him with a sad sort of smile. “Good luck,” he whispered before shutting himself in the bedroom.

Caius paused on the landing, his hand on Evie’s bedroom door handle. Maybe he should just stay on the sofa downstairs. He really wasn’t up for an argument right now. But he just wanted to see her. He hoped she was sleeping.

With a heavy heart, he slowly edged the door open and slipped inside. He slumped back against the closed door. Evie was a lump under the heavy duvet. Her face was tucked away and her red hair was splayed over the pillow. He wished he could lie beside her and draw her close. His longing for her touch was almost a physical ache in his soul. But he knew he shouldn’t wake her so he relaxed into the overstuffed armchair in the corner of the room as silently as he could. Ancients moved with deadly stealth and Caius had never been more thankful for his featherlike footing. Evie didn’t even stir and he knew she must only be sleeping lightly, like a mortal, because the dawn hadn’t approached just yet and she was still a new-born so she could fight it till the bitter end if she wished. But she didn’t. She just wanted to hide under the covers and shut herself off from the world. Shut herself off from Caius.

He rested his head back against the high back of the chair and let his eyelids finally seal shut. But his mind was still reeling. What must she think of him? Would the fact that he now had a new progeny draw her closer to her Maker? It sure seemed that way on the doorstep. The way she had fallen back from him and into Varsee’s hold made bloody tears burn the backs of his eyes.

But Caius had accepted her link to Varsee because he knew that the fundamental thing hadn’t changed. Evie still loved him. Surely the addition of Robin in his life wouldn’t destroy that? Not after everything they had been through together. Caius had thought, without a shadow of a doubt, that their love was unbreakable. Now he wasn’t so sure.

Comments & reviews · 2
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Sonder
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Sonder wrote a review Review · Sep 14, 2016

Hey Ganga! Sorry it took me so long to get this to you. Life's been crazy and this chapter is quite long. ;) But here we are!

My overall thoughts on this chapter: I'm not sure what it was, but it just felt less structured, perhaps because of the sheer length. I could also be saying this because I had to read it in chunks due to limited time. Meeting Anna-lynn and learning more about Robin was fun, but I did feel like there was some unnecessary conflict and slight info dumping going on. Regarding Anna-lynn, she threw me off guard because she is a new character with an apparent history, whom we're only meeting now, halfway through the book. It felt a bit jarring, how she appeared and then was gone again. And although I know it's intentional, she made me uncomfortable with how little self respect she has. Sigh. In regard to Robin, I felt that the bits of his history we got sounded forced, or they come too easy. I'll show why I feel this way with some quotes that bothered me.
It's a solid chapter that does move the conflict forward and gets some characterization in- I just felt it could be done with more finesse, you feel?

Nitpicks:

“…weird,” he groaned
I believe "weird" should be capitalized here.

The only light was what pooled from the street lamps at the opening of the alley but Caius could see just fine and knew that so could Robin now.
This a pretty awkward sentence. Maybe rearrange it, split it up, or add some commas.

“Sure do. The world hates me so I don’t see why it should expect anything else in return.”
If I'm being honest, this is really unrealistic. I think I said this in my last review, but very few kids would spill their life stories like this. If he is as damaged as you want us to believe, why would he ever trust Caius with this information before Caius proves himself trustworthy and reliable?

“I doubt it. The mother’s always trying to get rid of me anyway. Keeps losing me when we’re out in public. I’m guessing fostering was the father’s idea and she’s just a passive aggressive bitch.”
Okay, this actually really pisses me off (excuse the harsh language). Again, he's spilling his life story, which I think would be a lot more interesting if you stretched it out further throughout, but besides that, there's already an awful stigma about foster families- why does he have to be from one? Why can't he just have neglectful parents? Why does this have to encourage harmful stereotypes about foster homes? There are more good foster families than bad, yet all you hear about are the awful ones. My little brother is adopted, from a foster family in China- they were wonderful to him. He misses them like a second set of parents. Can we not perpetuate a negative stereotype? Or at least, research how foster children behave, and foster homes in general. Foster families should (emphasis on that) be given thorough background checks; it's appalling that this couple would have been cleared if they weren't both up to it. It is possible, yes, but again, that is a stereotype. I guess what I'm saying is, please try to be sensitive to people from the foster system. There are other ways to instill a traumatic childhood, and frankly, this one is akin to the cliche awful orphanage trope. If you have personal experience, though, disregard what I said.
I do still think he is giving too much of his life story. However, if he were really from such an awful background and bad foster family, it can be a trait for some foster kids to share too much, in a desperate grab for attention. So while that could be realistic in some sense, it still feels a bit forced, and as the reader, it sort of feels like you are just trying to get his characterization out of the way. Something to consider, I guess.

Evie didn’t even stir and he knew she must only be sleeping lightly, like a mortal, because the dawn hadn’t approached just yet and she was still a new-born so she could fight it till the bitter end if she wished.
Run-on sentence, and confusing. It's difficult to get what you're trying to say here.

Caius had thought, without a shadow of a doubt, that their love was unbreakable. Now he wasn’t so sure.
Hm...this seems a little off, to me. He hasn't even talked to her yet, so how does he know that this changed her love for him? It's understandable that she'd be upset or give him the silent treatment for a while, but it seems a bit dramatic for him to question their love after all these years- have they never had a fight? I dunno... It's hard to pinpoint but I think this feels simply too dramatic.

Varsee turned back to Caius and cocked an eyebrow, folding her arms back across her chest. The look she was giving him had him seething. It was a haughty now-look-what-you’ve-done look. Varsee had said that they didn’t need to play against each other for Evie’s affection, but it seemed now that she had found herself winning and was rather enjoying it.
A well written passage. The character development is great, and the alternating lengths of the sentences are very natural and read well.

Evie was a lump under the heavy duvet. Her face was tucked away and her red hair was splayed over the pillow.
I really like this description, for some reason. Nice job. :)

I hope I didn't come off as too forward with anything. This is a perfectly decent chapter, and it may also just be that I haven't read it for a while and got out of the swing of things, but for some reason it didn't resonate as strongly as some in the past have. I get the feeling that this is just building up to more conflict, as well, so it may be intentionally slower, as well. The writing itself is overall very good; I'm more concerned about Robin's character right now, mostly. I just think you need cut back on how much he spills at a time, and expose it through more subtle fashions.
A lovely read, as always, and sorry again for taking so long! Hope this helped.
Keep writing!

~Night

I didn't get a notification for this review so sorry for the late reply, I've only just spotted it!

Anna-lynn has been in the novel before, but it has been a while since you read it so I understand you not remembering her. But she was blood whore Caius was sucking on when Evie walked in on them (back when she was human)

And Caius' worry about his and Evie's love is because they're been on a rocky road for a while. She did leave him after becoming human.

I'll have a look over Robins conversations and I'm sorry if you took his backstory personally. I actually had no idea there was a stigma about foster families being bad. That was actually the reason I made that his backstory - foster families are usually so caring and to have one that wasn't to me made his backstory so much sadder. It is not intended to be a personal attack on foster families. I am actually thinking that I would probably adopt when I'm older if I ever want kids (which at the moment is a definite no!) But I guess everything can be taken personally, it just depends on who's reading. Sometimes it can be good, sometimes bad. But hey, that's writing. It would be the exact same thing if he had been abused by his real parents, readers who had experienced parental abuse would take it personally. You can't be sensitive to everyone's situation otherwise no one would be able to write anything.

Thanks for the review and I'm glad you're still reading :)

Sonder replied · Sep 25, 2016

Oh, okay. I did forget Anna-Lynn, obviously, so sorry about that.
No, you can't avoid offending everyone, but I just wanted to point out that foster families already have a negative stigma.
No prob.

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BluesClues
Review
BluesClues wrote a review Review · Sep 13, 2016

So, question. To be fair, I might know the answer if I had read the previous chapters. BUT ANYWAY. Presumably since Evie is only a newborn and Caius is an ancient, he was in a relationship with a human. But in that case… First of all, their love in that case wouldn’t seem “unbreakable” to me unless they were planning on Evie’s becoming a vampire, too, because, well, she would die someday. But if they were planning on it…why wouldn’t Caius be the one to turn her?

I mean, given Varsee’s hospitality comment, I guess I could see her saying, “You guys can only stay here if that one is turned into a vampire, too, I won’t have a human living in my home,” but then STILL why couldn’t Caius do it?

New question. Do all newborns feel so close to/in sync with/attached to their Makers, regardless of the circumstances of their making? Like if someone didn’t want to become a vampire or was terrified or something and the existing vampire turned them anyway (your vampires seem more ethical than that, but just hypothetically speaking), would the newborn just instinctively feel an undeniable attachment to their Maker, even though they’d be terrified or angry if they had any choice?

Or is it possible for newborns to feel a little conflicted?

I remember the line where Robin sounds, just momentarily, almost slightly offended when Caius sort of lets slip part of his reason for turning the boy.

Robin paled. “Are you, like, in trouble or something?”
“Yes. And you are my ticket out of it.”
“What?”
Caius squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, fearing he had said too much. He should have just stayed silent. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Yes it does. If you’re in trouble, does that mean I am in trouble, too? Do I need to watch my back?”
“No, Robin, forget what I said. And I’m your Maker now. I watch your back and you watch mine.”
“Did you just Turn me so that I could be your bodyguard?”
“If I wanted a vampire bodyguard, I would have asked for an ancient’s help, not a new-born’s.” Caius glanced at him again, his eyes sharp and unyielding. “Now let’s just forget this, okay? You’re not in trouble. That’s all you need to know.”
Robin sighed and kicked a stone. “Fine.”


But even here, it’s fleeting and doesn’t sound like Robin is that serious. The words are there, but he doesn’t seem particularly perturbed or offended. Is this just because he wanted to become a vampire anyway?

(Which, p.s., was hilarious to me because we were watching Supernatural last night and my bf wanted to know why vampires who wanted to turn people couldn’t just post Craigslist ads looking for people who want to become vampires, and here yours sort of did.)

Is it because Robin’s prior circumstances were so bad that a vampire who turns him and looks after him seems grand by comparison, no matter his motives or what danger might be involved? Or is Robin actually a little disgusted/offended/whatever? If the latter, you might want to try to clue us in that he’s serious. Alternatively, if all the vampires know about whatever Caius is alluding to, you could bring it up again later and have Robin react once more then.

Other than that, the chapter was pretty solid. I was able to follow along easily even though I didn’t read the previous chapters, it read easily, and the writing was decent. I found it interesting that vampires seem to live out in the open in your world, to the point where there are “blood whores” making a living by letting them feed. (I also find it interesting that “blood whores” are one of the few legal sources of blood, when regular whores are illegal in most places.) I was never much into the paranormal romance/vampire craze, but this interested me. You seem to have thought your world out pretty well.

Hello! Wow, very brave of you to tackle a chapter this far into a novel! Thank you for taking the time to read and review :)

And yeah, most of the things that have you confused would have made sense if you had read from the beginning. I'll try and clue you in but keep things brief. Caius had Turned Evie back in 1932, he had been forced to turn her because he had been caught having a relationship with a human by the vampire authorities (this is back when vampires were hush hush). So Evie HATED Caius when she was first turned, and he despised her because he never wanted to be a Maker. But despite their negative feelings, the bond was there. So to answer your question, the sire bond between Maker and progeny trumps everything. Even if a progeny hated it's Maker, it would still die for them - they are unconditionally loyal - which is pretty twisted, right? Anywayyy as you can see Evie and Caius do fall in love over time but then Evie is captured and cured and turned back human by this scientist guy (won't go into too much detail, trying to keep it short) and then was turned BACK into a vampire by Varsee after nearly dying - hence why she is technically a 'newborn' yet she has been a vampire for over 100 years. I think that clues you in enough..? Oh and the reason Caius didn't turn her again after she was cured was because Evie actually enjoyed having her morality back, which she then lost - again.

I'd say Robin is more worried and cautious in the section you have mentioned. He's only just been introduced into this new world, he doesn't know the rules - he's just trying to figure out how he fits in.

I'm glad you liked the chapter and I have tried to make a novel about vampire relationships for people who don't necessary like vampire love stories so it means a lot that you enjoyed it even though it's not your cup of tea :)

Ooooooh, I like the thing where he turned her and they hated each other but then they fell in love but now things are super complicated.



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