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Young Writers Society


16+

The Progeny : Chapter 33

by MissGangamash


Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

“Okay, what the fuck is going on? It’s been well over an hour,” snapped Alexander, pacing to and from the kitchen with his hands on his hips.

His sister was in the armchair, her eyes wide and distant. “I don’t know.” Alexander had been pacing and complaining for the last twenty minutes and it was obviously wearing Varsee down. The T.V was on for background noise and Caius was vaguely aware of the sit-com playing behind him as he rested against the mantelpiece. Busying himself in the silence, Robin had managed to create a hole in the cuff of his fleece and was now poking his thumb through it absently. From where he was standing, Caius couldn’t see Evie but knew she was still sat in the armchair beside Varsee. The glass half full of blood was still resting on the table, untouched. It seemed like Robin had forgotten about it completely.

“Right.” Alexander huffed, slapping his palms against his thighs and making everyone jerk to attention. “I’m going upstairs. Shout me down when dinner arrives.”

Varsee nodded and her brother headed up the stairs with slow, dragging steps. Caius didn’t like the way Alexander disregarded humans as being nothing but something to quench his thirst but he didn’t voice his opinion, knowing it wouldn’t be well received by his protective sister. Instead, he took a sip of the glass of blood he had poured for himself earlier and tried his best not to compare it to blood from the vein. But he couldn’t help it. Blood from the vein was nicer. Much nicer. Fresh and warm and full of life, it sang through his body in a way that made him feel like he actually had a pulse. With a start, he felt his fangs pushing against his gums and fought back against the urge to unsheathe them. When the blood whore finally arrived, he feared he would have to vacate the room and leave Robin to be supervised by carefree Alexander.

The doorbell rang and Varsee’s image blurred as she surged to the door. Caius, along with Evie and Robin, moved to the threshold of the living room so they could see their new company. Caius could hold it together. He had trained himself and could beat the monster inside.

He glanced back at Robin by his side whose brown eyes were wide and eager. Evie was a step behind him, hugging herself.

Varsee opened the door and was taken aback by the two burly police officers on the front step. She furrowed her brows. “Can I help you?”

“Are you Varsee Ferreira?” asked the shorter of the two, hooking his thumbs in his belt loops.

She hesitated a moment. “Yeah, that’s me.”

“Hello Miss Ferreira. I’m Officer Dolton and this is my partner, Officer Blake. We’re here to ask you a few questions.”

“Okay…”

“Did you call the Dial-a-bite service to send a woman named Bernice Walton to this address?”

Varsee folded her arms across her chest. “Yes I did. I called an hour and a half ago, she never showed.”

“Miss Ferreira,” said Officer Blake, his expression set between exhaustion and anger. “We found Bernice’s body in a ditch not too far from here.”

Varsee’s eyes widened with shock. “She’s dead?”

Officer Blake arched an eyebrow at her tiredly.

Varsee spluttered. “You think I killed her?”

“She was sent to this address,” said Officer Dolton.

Varsee’s jaw clenched and she stared him down. “I know and I told you, she never made it here. Have you checked her tracker?”

The officers both shared a look and Varsee huffed out a laugh. “How about you do your job before you come to my home and accuse me of murder?”

A heavy thump sounded at the top of the stairs and Caius turned to see an excited Alexander bounding down to them. “Finally!” He stopped abruptly by Varsee’s side and sized up the officers with uncertainty before an impish grin filled his face. “Oh, hello officers. Here to punish me for being a bad boy?” He leaned into his sister. “What’s this about? It’s not my birthday.”

“There’re not strippers, Alex,” said Varsee tersely.

“Oh.”

“They’re here about the blood whore we ordered.”

“Oh right.” He folded his arms across his chest and, even though they weren’t actually related, Caius was surprised at the resemblance between them both as they stood side by side in the same pose. “Where the hell are they?”

“She’s dead, Alex.”

Alexander frowned. “Well, I guess that’s a pretty valid excuse for being late.”

The officers stiffened, not amused.

“They think I killed her.”

It seemed to suddenly dawn on Alexander that this was all very real. “Well she didn’t.” He looked to the officers, his eyes darkening. “We never even saw her.”

“That’s what I was telling them.”

Officer Dolton exhaled loudly. “Then how do you explain how her body ended up torn apart in a ditch about half a mile from here? Because from the marks on the body, we know a vampire did it.”

“The Nest,” hissed Alexander, baring his teeth in anger. “It was that bloody Nest! I swear, one of these days-”

Varsee slammed her hand on her brother’s chest when he leered forward with his fists clenched. He looked like he was about to vent his anger out on the two innocent humans in front of him. She sent him a warning look and he stepped back, his face falling into a stoic expression.

“A Nest, you say?” asked Officer Dolton, his head tilted to Varsee but he kept his eyes on Alexander.

“Yes,” sighed Varsee. “There’s one not too far from here. They have been causing us problems.”

“We were under the impression that they no longer existed.” Officer Blake pulled out a pad and paper. “That they are no longer a threat.”

“They aren’t.” Varsee glared at Alexander.

“Well, they clearly are if they are responsible for Miss Walton’s death.”

“How come we weren’t notified about this sooner?” Officer Dolton lifted his chin and narrowed his eyes at Varsee accusingly.

A muscle in her cheek rippled. “Because we know that the authorities couldn’t do anything about it. You send your officers in there and none of them will come out.”

“Is that a threat, Miss Ferreira?”

Varsee clenched her jaw in frustration. “No, that is a warning. I am trying to help you. If you humans stop treating every vampire like they are the enemy then this world might not be as fucked up as it is. We’re on your side. We hate Nests just as much as you do. They give us a bad reputation.”

“Then what do you suppose we do about these vamps then, Miss Ferreira?” asked Officer Blake, lifting his head from the pad he’d been scribbling on.

“I’ll tell you what we can do.” Alexander stepped forward with a stomp of his heavy boot. “We’ll show those fuckers who they’re messing with.”

The officers watched him with arched eyebrows.

“Excuse me?” asked Officer Dolton.

A savage grin filled Alexander’s face, making him look like some sort of wild cat. “We’ll kill them for you.”

Alex,” snapped Varsee tersely, her eyes flashing a warning.

Officer Dolton studied him appraisingly then finally gave a curt nod. “You get rid of this Nest for us and we’ll forget any of this ever happened.”

Varsee spun back to the officers in surprise. “What?”

Officer Dolton straightened his back to gain some height over Varsee. “Destroy the Nest, that’s an order. And we’ll sweep this under the rug.”

Varsee gaped at him. “You want us to put our lives in danger? And what do we get in return? We’ve done nothing wrong. There’s nothing to sweep under anything.”

“You get our silence on the matter.”

“And what’s that worth? Last time I checked, it’s not illegal to kill vampires.” Caius could hear the hurt in her voice, strangling her words. His heart sank. It was true. If a human killed a vampire in cold blood, people would just turn a blind eye. But if the roles were reversed, the vampire would meet the sun.

“C’mon sis.” Alexander tugged on her blouse. “We should just do it. Get it over with. They’ve been harassing us for too long now.”

“But it’s dangerous, Alex.” She looked back at him, her eyes wide and shining.

Officer Blake cleared his throat. He was looking down the path. “Also, if you do this, we’ll forget we ever saw those dead sheep.” He turned back to her. “We’ve had complaints from nearby farmers about their livestock going missing.”

Varsee fell silent and Officer Blake gave her a smug look of triumph.

“Sis.” Alexander leaned into her ear. “We can do this. We have all that gear stored away doing nothing and we’ve got another ancient.”

Caius’ ears pricked up. He was going to be thrown into this mess, too?

Varsee huffed. “Fine, we’ll do it. Don’t tell anyone about the Nest, they’ll be gone before you know it.”

Alexander smiled at his sister’s certainty.

Both officers nodded. “We bid you farewell, Miss Ferreira. We’re sorry for the misunderstanding,” said Officer Dolton.

Varsee nodded back curtly. “Don’t make that mistake again. We’re not all bad people.”

They began to make their way down the path. “I apologise again, Miss Ferreira.”

Varsee shut the door when they stepped through the gate and turned to her brother, looking not at all pleased. “I hope you know what you’re doing. We don’t even know how many we’re up against.”

“Three attacked me,” said Evie, squeezing past Robin and making herself known. “And I think getting revenge will feel really good.”

Caius turned to her, his eyes wide. “You can’t go. It’s not safe. And you’re only a new-born.”

“They almost killed me, Caius.” The look she gave him made a shiver crawl up his back. It was dark and full of ill intent. “They need to pay.”

“Caius is right, Evie, it’s far too dangerous for you,” said Varsee, to Caius’ surprise. He never thought they’d ever side together on anything.

Evie clenched her jaw in determination. “But I’ve been a vampire for a hundred years before. I know what I’m doing. Being Turned again is just like being rebooted. I still remember everything. I still know how to control myself. I still know how to kill.” Her eyes suddenly widened and she shuddered, paling. Caius’ heart ached and he wrapped his arms around her, holding her against his body. Her arms were folded against his chest and she pressed her forehead into his shoulder, stiff in his embrace. He knew what she was thinking about. In her time as a vampire, Evie had killed two people. For a vampire that was an impressively small number, but he knew the deaths weighed heavily on her mind.

Varsee watched them for a moment, her expression deliberating. “Do you think you can fight?”

Evie nodded against Caius’ shoulder and pulled out from him. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and looked to her Maker. “I can fight.”

Varsee met her hard stare. “Then we could use you. We need numbers.”

“But-” Caius started but fell short when Varsee’s stormy eyes flittered to him.

“We’ll protect her if need be.”

“Oh my God. This is going to be so fun! I can’t wait to get out there and do some actual vampire shit!” exclaimed Robin giddily.

Caius released Evie completely and turned to his excited progeny. “You’re not going.”

Robin’s face fell like a child finding out that Santa Claus wasn’t real. “Seriously?”

“You’re a new-born. You’ve been a vampire for two nights. And I can’t protect you as well as Evie.”

Anger tightened his features. He spun round and punched the wall. “This is bullshit!”

Alexander swooped in and grabbed his bunched up shoulder. “Easy there, kid.”

Robin spun to him, his dark eyes wide and hopeful. “You’ll let me go, right?”

Alexander sighed and gave him a helpless shrug. “Sorry, kid. I know I vouched for you before but this time I think you should listen to your Maker. He’s only looking out for you. And I’d hate to see you turn into a pile of icky sticky.” He ruffled his hair and brushed his cheekbone with his thumb. “It’d be such a waste.”

“But I could help. She just said you need numbers.” He gestured to Varsee with a nod of his head.

“I know, kid. But you’ll slow us down. You’ll be a liability.”

“A liability?” He huffed and crossed the room, dropping down on the sofa in a sulk. “Nothing’s changed. I’m still a nobody.”

Caius looked after him, feeling the need to console him but he knew there was no use. He was just a teenager after all. He didn’t see the bigger picture. He still thought the world was out to get him.

“So what’s this gear you’ve got stored away?” asked Evie. Caius noticed that she hadn’t paid any attention to Robin’s outburst- her eyes had been set on Varsee the entire time, cold and content.

Alexander pulled his attention off sulking Robin and grinned at Evie. “I’ll show you.”

They were all in Alexander’s room, except for Robin who refused to move. Alexander’s room had plain white walls and pastel coloured floral bedding. Clothes hung off the brass posters of the bed and the duvet was crumpled up, half on the floor. A huge mirror hung behind the bed in the same place where there was an painting in Caius’ and Evie’s room. Caius thought that maybe Alexander had purposely thrown half of the contents of his wardrobe around the room just to add some colour to the place.

Caius, Evie and Varsee gathered around the huge white double wardrobe as Alexander yanked it open. Inside there were more clothes hung on hangers ranging from tight crocodile skin pants and net vests to smart looking shirts and waistcoats. On the inside of one of the doors hung a crossbow.

“What the-”

Alexander turned and saw what Caius was looking at. He smiled. “You ain’t seen nothing yet.”

Alexander bent forward and pulled open the top drawer of the chest of drawers that sat under the clothes. Caius didn’t know what he’d expected to see when he leaned over Alexander’s shoulder- possibly a selection of adventurous undergarments- but definitely not an impressive weapons collection. His jaw hung open at the sharp implements that winked at him in the light.

Alexander’s long, delicate fingers danced over the weapons, itching to grab something.

“Where did you get all this stuff?” asked Evie, the awe in her voice making it breathy.

“Remember those vampire hunters I was telling you about?” said Alexander, not taking his eyes off of his collection. Evie nodded. “Well, these are what I managed to take from them. I thought it was only fitting, seeing as they killed a bunch of my friends.” He plucked up a dagger and inspected it. “Most of the blades are silver coated so be careful.”

Ah, Caius remembered the vampire hunters. He also remembered that they didn’t last very long. Did Alexander really have something to do with their early demise?

The two guns that he had shot Caius and Evie with were also in the drawer, along with boxes of silver and wooden bullets. Stakes of all different sizes and widths lay beside them. Alexander set the dagger back down carefully before swiftly plucking up something else.

“I’ve always wanted to use this!” He backed up into the centre of the room and grinned at the butterfly knife in his hand. He started doing tricks with it, flipping and spinning it, making sure only the case knocked against his thigh and shoulder as he whirled it around. His blue eyes smiled up at his sister who was watching him with a bored expression. “Are you feeling it yet, sis? C’mon, you’ve got to admit you’ve wanted to kill these fuckers just as much as I have.”

She sighed. “Yes, but you need to promise me you will be careful. I know what you’re like, you don’t think.”

Still doing tricks with the knife, not even looking like he was concentrating on the blade anymore, he replied. “Sis, I’ve been a vampire for a hundred and eighteen years. Clearly I’m doing something right.”

“Yeah,” Varsee agreed. “Having me at your back.”

He grinned. “We make a good team.”

She rolled her eyes and gestured to the spinning knife. “Will you please put that down?”

He flipped the butterfly knife shut and smiled at her.

“There’re even chakrams in here,” said Evie, still eyeing up the contents of the drawer.

“Yup,” said Alexander, throwing the butterfly knife on the bed. “Although I’d recommend either a gun, stake or knife. Much easier to handle.”

Evie grabbed a stake about a foot long and felt the weight of it. “Will this do?”

Varsee nodded. “That’s fine. Maybe grab two, just in case.”

“Yeah, everyone get what you want and we’ll regroup downstairs. I need to change,” said Alexander.

“Change? Do I need to change?” asked Evie.

Varsee grabbed a gun and checked the barrel. She filled it with wooden bullets and spun it closed. “Wear whatever you don’t mind destroying. Vampire goo is nearly impossible to wash out.”

Caius was last to pick a weapon. He also decided on a stake, feeling it was the safer option than wielding a dagger he’d probably end up burning himself with.

Varsee had disappeared into her bedroom and Evie headed to theirs, probably to change. Looking down at himself, Caius figured he was good how he was in his black jeans and t-shirt, so he made his way downstairs to keep Robin company. He hoped he wasn’t too mad at him.


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624 Reviews


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Sun Nov 27, 2016 11:29 pm
Casanova wrote a review...



Heya, MishGangamash! Casanova here to do a review for you!

Anyway, here's the first thing I'm going to start off with- I've seen this so much in my review spree today. Dialogue. People let it take over the story, and let the story be told. Now if you have a character that is telling a story, then it's fine. But when you're letting your story be told by mainly dialogue, then that's an off-putter, at least to me. Add something else to the mix, a bit more information based by thoughts and actions. I think that would be the best thing to happen to this. This is a long chapter, and I was saddened that most of it was dialogue.

Anyway, the over all plot would be okay. If not for what I mentioned above, because I felt that it took away from the plot.
The characters were alright, but slightly boring in the middle but I think picked up.

Anyway, I think that's all for this one. Keep on doing what you're doing, and keep on keeping on.

Sincerely, Matthew Casanova Aaron.






Hello!

I know there's a lot of dialogue, it's a character based novel. It is intentional and I know it's not to everyone's taste. I don't think you can really get a good grasp on the characters from one chapter so calling them boring after one conversation is a little redundant. They aren't going to be super flashy all the time. That being said, a lot of what happens in this novel is written between the lines. So, as others have mentioned, it can come across as slow. But that's the way it is and the way I've written it.

By the way, this not me shunning your review. I really appreciate people reading my stuff and giving their opinions. I'm just explaining my side :)

Thanks for the review!



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Sat Oct 15, 2016 7:38 pm
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Sonder wrote a review...



Hey Ganga! Sonder here to review. :)

I'll start with some nitpicks before I get into the meat of things.

“There’re not strippers, Alex,” said Varsee tersely.
Wrong "there", should be "They're"

Caius looked after him, feeling the need to console him but he knew there was no use. He was just a teenager after all. He didn’t see the bigger picture. He still thought the world was out to get him.
I feel like this paragraph could be cut out, save the first line. It just feels pretty redundant, because the reader can infer this through Robin's actions. If you want to keep it, though, add a comma after "teenager" in the second sentence.

They were all in Alexander’s room, except for Robin who refused to move.
Add a comma after "Robin".

“Where did you get all this stuff?” asked Evie, the awe in her voice making it breathy.
The tag after "asked Evie" is pretty awkward here. I think you could cut it to "asked Evie in an awed tone" or "in a breathy tone", and still get her reaction across well.

That's all I have for technicalities, so onto plot-ness.
This chapter felt stronger towards the beginning and overall better than the last chapter, though it felt less strung-together towards the end of it. I'm intrigued by where the plot is going, with the mission against the nest, but there were some parts that were off as I read this chapter.

1) If the police suspected that the vamps had killed a woman, would they really just march up to their front door and discuss it with them? No backup, just the two of them, without conducting a full evaluation of the situation, and then a stern talking-to to possible murderers? It came off as ridiculous, if I'm honest. There were so many failings on the policemen's part that it made me cringe. Even if the story is fiction, the world is fiction, and the characters are fiction, you still need to keep the reader believing in them. The police came off as so inept at their jobs that it made me fall out of the story and question it.

2) This is another issue on the policemen's part, and I know you will try to explain it away as lack of respect for vampires, but the hypocrisy was astounding: They come to the house condemning a murder, but leave supporting another. I don't think it was so much that fact as how blatantly they discussed it with the characters. Perhaps if you made their discussion more nuanced, like hinting at it, and more blackmail. Something like, "That Nest has caused a lot of trouble, it seems. It'd be a shame for you to be arrested unfairly for this murder, but maybe if the Nest disappeared... maybe we could forget about it.", instead of blatant, "Destroy the Nest. That's an order." I feel that would come off as less abrasive and less like blatant disregard for the law?

3) Varsee seemed a little to pliable this chapter. She didn't have much... strength to her, I guess? Like... her opinions were voiced but not very loudly, and she was easily swayed. Her arguments against it came off as weak, and not because she's got little to back them. Her character seemed less full in the chapter, writing-wise. Hope that made any sense.

4) The end of the chapter felt a little stretched out and unnecessary. Could you cut down the goggling of the weapons and cut to the fight? Please don't take this the wrong way, but I'm concerned that if you plan to print this, you may lose reader interest with the amount of slow scenes there are between the action sequences. Not to say that it should be constant action, but every chapter should advance the plot. Every detail should move it forward and be important.

Those are my main issues, and I hope I didn't come off as too harsh! I really did enjoy this chapter, but my biggest problem is that the police officers aren't very believable. :) I like Alex a lot more this chapter; he came off as a lot more solid this time. Hope this helped and keep writing!

~Night






Hello again!

I see your point about the police officers, I'll make sure they have backup when I edit. Thanks for pointing it out!

They come condemning a murder of a human, and leave supporting the murder of crazy nest vampires. In a human's mind, they are two completely different things. Humans don't care if vampires kill each other, the less that are around, the better in their minds - its when they kill a human when stuff gets serious.

I see what you mean about the blackmailing. The officers and the death of their blood whore was supposed to just be the straw that broke the camels back. Varsee and Alexander have both wanted the nest gone for a while, and now they have more vampires on their side. They just needed one thing to set them off. That's probably why Varsee seems a little weaker in this chapter, she is easily swayed because she wants this too. The main thing she is worried about it her brother and Evie getting hurt.

I know a few people have a problem with how slow the build up in this novel is but I can't stress enough that it is intentional. There is just enough action in this story to keep the plot moving but I want to focus more on the characters - their interactions, their growth. If I changed that and threw in more actions scenes to keep peoples attention, it wouldn't be the book I set out to write. It is a very character based novel and the long 'drawn out' scenes support that. If I lose readers along the way, that's fine, it happens. When you say things like 'cut down' scenes, it reminds me of when I read American Psycho. I'm going to admit that there were pages I skim read because I found them boring. There are literally like four full pages about Patrick Bateman's morning skincare routine. Seriously, four pages of a list of products, how he applies them and why. But it's there for a reason. It's there to show the reader how egotistical and self involved this character is. Self image is everything to him. So, yeah, maybe those drawn out scenes might have caused people to put the book down and never pick it back up but in the end, it's their loss! American Pyscho is one of my favourite books, despite it sometimes being an almost painful read!

Never think you're coming off too harsh. Writers need a thick skin :)

Thanks for the review!




Only the suppressed word is dangerous.
— Ludwig Borne