z

Young Writers Society


16+

The Progeny: Chapter 37

by MissGangamash


Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

Milah was waiting for them outside the bar. As always, she was dressed all in white. This time her dress had a toga-like style. It tied around her neck, leaving her strong shoulders bare, and was nipped in at the waist before it flowed freely down to her ankles. Her long raven hair blew over her shoulders in the breeze. Caius couldn’t help but compare her to an angel. A fallen angel.

Robin sucked in an audible breath at Caius’ elbow and he smiled wryly. Caius had had the same reaction the first time he had laid eyes on her.

Milah cocked her head, her cerulean eyes bright and set on Caius.

“Wh-who’s that?” whispered Robin.

“My Maker,” Caius replied and headed towards her. Robin openly gaped and hurried after him. “What have you called me out here for?”

Milah’s eyes shifted to Robin by his side. “Ah, so this is your new recruit.” She smiled as Robin cowered a little under her gaze. “Cute.”

Caius raked his hands through his hair. “Look, Milah, I want to apologise for how I’ve treated you. I had no idea how much you have done for me. I’m still here because of you.”

Milah just looked at him with a glint of sadness in her eyes. “No need for apologies. I was just trying to make up for what I have made you do - trying to make you hate me a little less. And plus, you are my progeny. I’d do anything for you.”

“I don’t hate you, Milah.”

At this, she smiled. “I’m glad.”

It was just the three of them at the entrance of the bar. Caius could feel the bouncer’s eyes boring into his back. “So, why are we out here?” he asked.

Milah answered with a flick of her head, and began wandering down the pavement. Caius and Robin shared a look before they followed.

“Guardian just wants to check up on you,” she said as she led the way. “And inspect your new progeny. Make sure you’ve chosen well.” She turned and looked Robin up and down. “Do you believe you have?”

Caius nodded. “I do.”

In the corner of his eye, he noticed Robin dip his head to hide a smile.

“Well then-” She flickered her eyes up to Caius. “I guess this should all run smoothly.”

“Who’s Guardian?” Robin spoke up, his voice a little softer and with a hint of hesitation.

“A very important vampire,” Milah replied, not looking back as they rounded a corner. The tail of her dress blew back, hiding her feet and making her look like she was gliding.

“You know the Vampire Court that I had told you about?” said Caius.

Robin nodded. “They’re the ones that straighten out rogue vampires. They’re the ones that you’re in trouble with.”

“Guardian is their leader.”

Robin gulped and his dark eyes widened. “Oh…”

Milah stopped at an empty lot behind a factory that was cordoned off by a chain-link fence. A slight gap had been made in a corner of one of the panels and, with ease, Milah tore it open wide enough to step through. Caius followed with Robin at his heels. Guardian and two of his minions were standing waiting behind a steel container. Guardian lifted his chin, watching Caius appraisingly as he approached. The two vampires flanking him were male, dressed in white shirts and charcoal blazers.

Guardian ran a hand down the front of his blazer as if to flatten down a crease that wasn’t there, and stepped forward. There were no lights in the area so Caius had to rely on his vampire sight to see through the pitch black. The moon was almost full in the sky but hidden behind clouds. Robin had stepped behind him, as if using his Maker as a shield.

“Caius,” rejoiced Guardian with a smile that deepened his wrinkles. The heels of his polished shoes tapped across the concrete as he made his way over with his hands relaxed in his pockets. “I see you have chosen to extend your bloodline. It was the decision I was hoping for. It would have been a waste if I had had to kill the red-head. She is definitely unique.”

“Stay away from Evie,” hissed Caius.

Guardian’s grey eyebrows lifted. “I have no intention of going anywhere near her. As I said, I didn’t want to kill her in the first place. I just knew you would have needed an incentive to become a Maker again, seeing as you were so reluctant the first time round.” He smiled earnestly, and Caius felt the muscles in his back uncoil.

“Speaking of becoming a Maker again-” Guardian bent sideways as if to seek out Robin who was still hidden behind Caius’ back. Caius turned and grabbed Robin’s hand, expecting him to quickly wiggle out of his hold. But this time, Robin grasped onto him tightly like a fearful child in need of his father’s reassurance. He peered up at Caius, his eyes huge and terrified. Caius simply nodded and drew him out from his shadow. Robin stayed close by his side, clinging onto his hand and Guardian slinked forward, slightly bend at the waist as if to shrink down to Robin’s height.

“How old are you?” Guardian asked.

“Seventeen,” replied Robin with a gulp.

“What’s your name?”

“Robin.”

“How are you finding being a vampire, Robin?”

Robin faltered and just stared at Guardian for a moment. Caius squeezed his hand encouragingly but it was clear that Robin was having trouble figuring out what answer he should give.

“He’s doing well,” Caius said and Guardian broke eye contact with Robin. He straightened and focused his attention on Caius.

“Really?”

“Yes. He knows how to limit himself. He has been around temptation and has still remained in control.”

“Ah,” nodded Guardian. “I heard about where Milah had to pick you up from.” Caius shifted his eyes to the side to see Milah stood between them and Guardian’s minions as if unsure of which side to be on. “A vampire bar, really, Caius?” Guardian sounded pitiful. “I thought you were better than that.”

“It was not my idea,” Caius replied. “And I thought it would be a good exercise for Robin.”

Guardian seemed content with the explanation and stepped back. “There was another reason I asked to see you, Caius. It wasn’t only to check up on the new-born.”

“What else do you want?”

“An explanation.”

Caius opened his mouth to speak but Guardian cut him off.

“Bodies of humans were found scattered in a field not too far from where we had met a few nights ago. Also, a Nest of vampires that we had been monitoring were destroyed. I was able to capture fragments of what had happened through Milah, meaning that you were there.”

Caius gulped and Robin shrank back behind him. “That Nest was killing humans,” said Caius. “They killed Evie.”

“And then she was brought back.”

“They killed another, too. A woman. A blood whore.”

Guardian’s eyebrows rose in surprise. “I guess we must have missed that. But we are here to take care of the Nests.”

“I’m sorry for stepping on your toes. But we took precautions ,” said Caius calmly.

Guardian arched an eyebrow. “How, exactly?”

“It was the police that came to us. They thought a friend of ours was responsible for the killing of the woman. When we told them that it was the Nest’s doing, they said if we sorted it out, they’d ignore the whole thing,” explained Caius. “The bodies of the humans were Nico’s men. They had targeted us and we took them down.” He felt Robin shift awkwardly behind him. “We planted the bodies near the barn where the Nest was so that it looked like they had been responsible. We both know that Nests are hated by both humans and vampires, so we figured there wouldn’t be too much uproar about them being slaughtered.”

Guardian was silent a moment, a slight smile curving his wrinkled lips. “So you partnered up with the human authorities to take down a threat? I’m impressed.”

Caius tried to keep his expression stoic when he actually felt like sagging with relief. “Thank you.”

“You could be a valuable asset to the Court. Ever thought about joining us? I’m sure Milah would like it.”

Caius flickered his eyes to her and saw her nod her head slightly. He half-smiled at her, knowing that she would want him to have the protection she had. “Thank you for the offer, but I’ll pass,” he said. In Evie’s eyes, the Vampire Court would always be the villains. There was no way he could side with them.

Guardian shrugged. “Suit yourself.” He glanced down at Robin and began to stroll backwards. “I’ll always have my eye on you, Caius, make sure you’re doing a good job. Because if he ever steps out of line, you know what will happen.” He gestured to Milah with a nod of his head, and she followed him towards the other two vampires. She casted a look back and gave Caius a helpless wave. He nodded his head back before they all disappeared into the night in a wave of black and white.

“Have they gone?” mumbled Robin.

Caius smiled softly. “They’re gone.”

Quickly, Robin dropped his hand, jumped out from behind his back and shook his body from head to toe. “My God, that dude was creepy. I can see why you don’t want to get on his bad side.”

Caius just nodded and gestured to the hole in the chain-link fence. “Come on, let’s get back to the bar before the others realise we’re gone.”

“I didn’t want to say that I liked being a vampire, because I know that there are vampires who don’t like being vampires, y’know, like you,” said Robin. He hadn’t stopped jabbering since the Vampire Court had left them. They were now heading down the pavement towards the ‘Crimson Moon’. “And I didn’t know if they were like that, too. That they are just dealing with what had happened to them in the best way they could. I mean, they hate the vamps that act like vamps, don’t they? The ones that kill people. That’s what you mean by going rogue, right? So, I mean, I like being a vampire, but I didn’t know if I was supposed to say that. So then I thought about saying that I didn’t like it. But that would mean that I wanted to, like, rebel against you. That I hated you for what you made me. And then that would mean that I would probably want to go rogue and then… and then… he would have probably just killed me on the spot. Right?”

Caius placed a hand on his shoulder and felt the hard, tense muscles under his jumper. “Relax, Robin. You did well.”

His shoulders sagged a little with relief and he smiled slightly. “Really? Because I was absolutely shitting it.”

“I could tell,” said Caius, and patted him. “But you did well.”

Feeling a lot more content, they both headed back into the bar. Robin wasn’t stopped at the door this time because the bouncer recognised him, which made him grin like an idiot.

Robin pushed back the curtain and stood on his tiptoes, searching the booths and dance floor. “Dammit! Those girls have left! I was totally in there, too.”

Caius spotted Varsee and Evie in one of the booths, their heads bent in conversation. Alexander was in the middle of the dance floor, his white t-shirt glowing in the neon lights. He was wedged between a couple that Caius had noticed dancing together earlier. He was somehow managing to grind against both of their bodies while sticking his tongue down the woman’s throat. The man was at his back, brushing his blonde hair back and kissing his neck.

“Now that guy knows how to live,” said Robin, also watching Alexander. Caius thought back to what Alexander’s sister had said. He needs company. He can’t stand being alone with his own thoughts. A pang of empathy hit him in his gut, making him grimace. “I wish I was like that.”

Bored of the woman, Alexander spun around and grabbed a fistful of the man’s long dark curls and kissed him deeply while his girlfriend grinded against the blonde vampire’s back. In the corner of his eye, Caius saw Robin pull a face and avert his gaze. “Okay, maybe to like that.”

Caius shoved him in the side lightly. “You go and stay with Varsee and Evie. I’m going back.”

Robin looked appalled. “What? Why?”

Caius glanced over to Evie, still caught up in a conversation. She looked like she was having fun. Having fun without him. Varsee had given her freedom to be herself. That was something Caius had never been able to do. And he was now kicking himself for it. “I don’t belong here.” He looked back at Robin. “Stay with them. Keep out of trouble. Be back before sunrise.”

Robin opened his mouth to object but stayed silent. Caius sent him a sad smile and disappeared back through the curtain.

The house was dead and silent. Caius stood in the hallway feeling out of place. It had gone from feeling like a home to being a dead old woman’s house again. He didn’t belong in that vampire bar. He didn’t belong in this house. Without Evie, he didn’t feel like he belonged anywhere.

He turned to his immediate right and noticed the white door Robin had mentioned before. A spark of joy brightened inside him at the memory of what he had said was hidden behind it. Grasping the handle, he pushed it open and entered a lavish dining room filled with varnished mahogany. The table was bare except for floral placemats that sat in front of each of the six chairs. Six chairs? He thought Mrs. Braverman had lived here with just her husband? Perhaps she had had children that moved out? That explained the extra bedrooms.

But Caius wasn’t interested in the dining room. He was intrigued by what awaited him on the other side of the door behind the table. He crossed the room and opened it. The musky smell of mothballs hit him as he entered. Blinking away dust from his eyes, he surveyed his surroundings and gasped out a surprised laugh.

A huge grand piano stood at the back of the room and along the side wall were shelves and shelves of boxes filled with records. A record player sat on a cabinet by the door and a selection of guitars rested against the other wall. Caius felt the sudden urge to cry as he picked up an electric ebony Gibson. He plucked the strings gingerly and let his hot tears burst free when the beautiful sound bounced around the walls. Carefully placing the guitar back on its stand, he crossed over to the piano and played a few cords. The deep, baritone tune vibrated through his body and sizzled his blood with adrenaline. Feeling like a child at Christmas, Caius began to sieve through the shelves of boxes, pulling them down one by one and checking their contents. The collection of music was incredible. The vinyl’s ranged from The Beatles to Iron Maiden. Finding a record that he liked, he plucked it from the box and settled it on the turntable. With a wave of giddy excitement, Caius placed the needle on the record and brought it to life.

He stood in the centre of the room, closed eyes to the ceiling and he swayed from side to side to Roberta Flack’s First Time Ever I Saw Your Face. He let the soothing music take full control over him and he could feel all his problems washing away like water off a duck’s back. But it wasn’t long until he focused more acutely to the lyrics and found himself thinking of Evie. Of how she had looked at him after he had Turned her. Her bright hazel eyes wide and expectant. Like he was the only person in the world that mattered.

He missed that look. He missed it so much it felt like it was burning his insides. Was he selfish to be thinking like this? To want Evie all to himself again? But it wasn’t as if that was what he wanted necessarily. He liked that Varsee was making her smile. She looked so beautiful when she smiled. He just wished he could bask in her happiness with her instead of being tossed out in the cold.

You cannot survive in a world like this without people to love and people to love you.

Over the crackling music, he heard the front door opening. Quickly, he removed the needle and placed the record back in the box. Laughter was coming from the hallway. He recognised Alexander’s cackle straight away, then it was followed by his sister’s, and then Evie’s soft laugh. Caius’ chest felt tight as he shut the door behind him and he made his way passed the table and chairs. Robin was there, too. He could feel their tie strengthen with the close proximity. Several sets of footsteps clambered up the stairs and then there was silence.

Caius entered the empty hallway and closed the white door quietly behind him. He stared up the stairs longingly for a moment before he began to scale them. He needed to talk to Evie. He was just about done with all this uncertainty.

Caius stood on the landing in front of the closed bedroom door. Feeling too numb and drained to be anxious, he knocked.

“Yeah?” called Evie.

“Evie, it’s me,” Caius replied.

He heard shuffling behind the door before it flew open. Evie stood before him in a simple white vest and plaid pyjama shorts. Her long red hair flowed in waves over her shoulders. Behind her, the bedroom was scarcely illuminated by the bedside lamp. “What’s up?” she asked, sounding a little more irritated than concerned.

“Can I come in?”

Evie shrugged and slipped to the side, gesturing him in. Caius crossed the room and sank onto the edge of the bed. She closed the door and rested her back against it, watching him.

“I love you, Evie,” he admitted hollowly.

She arched an eyebrow. “I know that. You didn’t have to come in to tell me.”

“Do you though?” He sent her a pointed look and immediately felt a stab of guilt when her face blanched at his hardened tone. “Because lately it seems like you don’t.”

To this, Evie massaged her throat with a wince as if soothing a pain then hugged herself. “I love you, too.”

A ragged breath left his mouth as Caius felt a weight lift off his heart. He had so desperately wanted to hear those words coming from her lips but a part of him thought that ship had sailed. And that thought had been killing him.

“Then what has happened to us?” he asked, his eyebrows pinched as he fought back the burn of hot, swelling tears. “We seem to be growing apart. You… you’re pulling away from me. Is it this place? Is it Varsee?”

Evie’s nostrils flared with anger and her fingers curled into her vest top. “This has nothing to do with Varsee.”

“Then what is it?” Caius asked desperately.

Her eyes flitted away like she couldn’t bear to look at him. “It’s Robin.”

Caius bowed his head in shame. “I’m sorry if you feel replaced. It wasn’t my decision to Turn him. I never wanted another progeny.”

Evie scoffed bitterly. “Yeah, sure looks like it.”

“What do you mean?” He lifted his head and was met with her strong hazel gaze.

Red began to rim her eyes and her bottom lip quivered. “You didn’t want to Turn me, either. I understand that.” Her gaze lowered to her feet. “You hated me at first. I understood that, too. I knew why you did. Catherine was taken from you and in her place was… me. A girl you didn’t even know. And you had to raise me. To teach me to be like you… even though you hated yourself for what you were.” She expelled a breath, collecting herself.

“But then things started to change. We started to connect. To become more than just Maker and progeny.” She smiled wistfully down at the floor. “We fell in love.” Caius smiled, too, but then her face fell and a cold shiver of dread ran up his spine. A red tear rolled down her cheek. “But even then… even after all the years we’ve been together… all the happy memories… when I look at you, in your eyes, I see your love for me… but hidden underneath…there’s resentment. It’s regressed through time, becoming harder and harder to notice, but it’s there.

“And up until a week ago, I didn’t take it personally. I know I remind you of Catherine. I know, in a way, I will always be her replacement. I know you never wanted to be a Maker. But then I see the way you look at Robin. And there’s nothing but admiration there. So... lately I’ve been thinking… maybe it is personal.”

Caius was rendered speechless for a moment. He just watched her, completely motionless as she wiped her tears with the backs of her hands. Finally, regaining the ability to speak, he said, “You think I resent you?”

She shrugged- a fake nonchalant gesture. “I know it’s not intentional.”

“Evie…” She lifted her head hesitantly as he walked over to her. He took her face in both hands and she smiled weakly at the contact. Angling her face up to his, he gazed down at her reddened eyes. His chest tightened at the sadness in them and he kissed her softly on the forehead. A soft sob left her mouth and she leaned into him. “I’m so sorry.”

She shook her head. “It’s not your fault.” Her eyes fluttered closed and she rested her head against the curve of his neck. “I’m sorry for acting so jealous.”

“You have nothing to be jealous about, Evie,” Caius consoled, his hands slipping around her waist and his lips brushing her temple. “You want to know why it’s not possible for me to hate Robin?”

She leaned out of him a little, her hazel eyes sparkling up at him curiously. He smiled as he took in her innocent beauty. “I can’t because his existence saved your life.”

Now confused, Evie slipped out of his hold of her. “What?”

Feeling a little flustered, Caius ran his fingers though his long hair and worried his bottom lip. “I have been withholding the truth from you.” He avoided her eyes. “It wasn’t Milah who wanted me to make another progeny.” He paused, feeling the burn of her gaze. “It was Guardian.”

Caius winced at her gasp. She had shrunk away from him, her back pressed against the door. Her hand was clenching the handle for support. “What? Guardian’s… he’s back?”

“He never left, Evie. He’s been watching us the whole time. Through Milah. She’s a part of the Court now. He knows everything.”

She blinked. “Everything, as in…”

“As in everything. He knows about the cure. That it worked on you, and then Varsee Turned you back. He forced me to Turn another because he felt like losing you was like me getting out of my punishment. And if I refused to make another progeny, he threatened to kill you.”

Evie looked as if all the energy had just been kicked out of her. Her knees gave out a little as her eyes searched the floor. “If he knows about the cure… he knows about Nico and… he’s not done anything?” She looked back up.

Caius shrugged, helpless. “He said he’s not an immediate threat and there’s no point causing a war if there doesn’t need to be one.”

“But he’s kidnapping vampires! Using them as lab rats! He’s tracking me down. Us down.”

Caius shrugged again. “That’s not his problem. Not yet, anyway.”

Evie fell silent, her eyes casted downwards, looking like her mind was reeling. Caius watched her a moment, wishing there had been a way to keep the information to himself. But it had been threatening their relationship so he had had no choice. “For what it’s worth,” he said, “I met Guardian again last night and he told me he had no intention of killing you, he was just giving me a push. In fact, I think he’s quite fond of you.”

She peered up at him with a dubious eyebrow raise. “Fond of me?”

Caius nodded. “So if Robin stays out of trouble, Guardian will go back to just being a ghost in the shadows.”

“…always there…” mumbled Evie, hugging herself protectively. “That’s not comforting.”

A pang of sorrow hit Caius in the gut and he crossed the room. Noticing his oncoming open arms, Evie pushed herself off the door and let him scoop her up. He held her close and felt her body jolt with a sob as she curled her fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck. “I’ll never let anything happen to you, Evie.” He buried his face into her red locks and pressed her slim body against his. “I may not be your Maker anymore, but I will always be here.”

“I’m sorry for being such a bitch,” she mumbled against the curve of his neck. “I feel so bad.”

Caius hushed her. “I love you. I will always love you.”

His barren heart jumped at the touch of her lips on his neck. He twisted his head and she caught his lips with her own. A content sigh hummed between them and, caught up in the heat of the moment, Caius pushed her back against the door and pinned her body against it. Evie gasped, pushed herself onto her tiptoes and deepened the kiss. Caius’ hands sought her flesh. They slipped under her vest top and smoothed over her lower back. She arched her body towards him, craving his touch. Her hands ran up his arms to the collar of his suede jacket. Caius released his hold of her just long enough for her to slip it off his shoulders. They were both panting now, an effect of desire more than the loss of air that they did not need. Before his jacket even dropped to the floor, Evie was already clawing at his t-shirt, eagerly stripping him of that as well.

Evie’s hands ran over his naked torso, making Caius moan softly into her mouth. Almost dizzy with desire, Caius spun them both around so Evie had her back towards the bed. Still kissing, Caius pushed her slightly, making her back up. Her nails dug into his back and she froze with a start when the backs of her thighs collided with the bed. She broke the kiss with a gasp and Caius’ gut twisted at the stark horror in her hazel eyes.

“What? What’s wrong?” rushed Caius, panicked. He still had hold of her loosely around the waist and could feel her muscles taunt under her skin.

She gulped and looked down. “The last time we did this…”

Caius thought back and a sinking feeling took over him. Flashes of images invaded his mind. The bruises. The bite mark. Her winces of pain. “I’ll be gentle.”

She shook her head and met his worried gaze. “Don’t be. I’m not human anymore.”

The hollow acceptance in her voice was distressing to hear. Caius wanted so desperately to console her but he had no idea how. Evie had been given a second chance and it had been snatched away from her. Sure, it had momentarily shattered their relationship and had turned Caius into a wallowing emotional mess but he knew how much she had wanted it. It had been that thought that had destroyed him so much.

Caius jerked back at the soft touch to his jawline. He blinked hard and realised it was Evie’s fingertips. “Kiss me, Caius.”

That was something he could do.

Sending her a sad smile, he bent his head and pressed his lips to hers. Her hand slipped to the back of his neck and she pushed him further down so she could deepen the kiss. Caius gladly accepted her tongue and let her pull him down on top of her on the bed. Shifting positions, he placed her head on the pillow and caged her with his body. She broke the kiss and traced the lines of his face lovingly with her fingertips. Caius’ fangs sprang free and his body almost collapsed on top of hers at the release. Evie smiled and freed her fangs as well.

He lowered his head and kissed her neck, dragging the tips of his fangs over her smooth skin. She writhed beneath him, the sensation making her breathing quicken with anticipation. Her hands stroked his bare back and through his hair. As the need grew too strong to ignore, he sank his fangs into her.

Evie gasped and juddered beneath him, her fingers knotting in his hair as he drank from her. The most intimate act between vampires. Caius bared down on her, one hand cradling her head and the other flat against the mattress. Evie locked her thighs around his narrow waist, rooting him to the spot. The taste of her filled Caius’ senses. Vampire blood didn’t sate the hunger the way human blood did, it fed something else entirely.

He broke away with a gasp and sought for her mouth. Evie gladly accepted his questing lips. They kissed passionately, her blood leaking from their chins before Evie tilted her head and sank her fangs into the base of Caius’ neck where the pulse point should be. He groaned as he experienced every muscle in his body spasm. Her grip on him tightened as she fed, jerking his head to the side to expose more of his throat. Her bare legs ran up and down his as she moaned softly in the back of her throat. When she pulled back, she smiled up at him drowsily as blood ran from the corner of her mouth. Caius kissed her briefly, clearing the blood trail with a soft flick of his tongue before leaning over the bed and switching the bedside lamp off, leaving them blanketed in the darkness.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
254 Reviews


Points: 11196
Reviews: 254

Donate
Thu Dec 29, 2016 2:42 am
View Likes
Sonder wrote a review...



Hey again, Ganga! I'll jump right into it. As a quick side note, however, did you shorten this chapter because you were worried you scared me off? Because you didn't, I just had zero time for anything else this past month. Feel free to make them longer if you want! :)
Review!

Caius saw Robin pull a face and avert his gaze. “Okay, maybe to like that.”
What Robin says here doesn't make sense to me. Is it a typo? Did you mean "Okay, maybe not like that." ? Also, related to the quote, Alexander's overly eager demeanor towards physicality towards others became much more sad and relatable in this chapter. He's hiding from his thoughts. I like that empathy you instilling in the reader with this.

“…always there…” mumbled Evie, hugging herself protectively.
The A should be capitalized there.

The interaction with the Guardian was interesting, though Robin's response to him seemed almost overly childish? Clutching Caius and holding his hand, when earlier he threw a fuss about it for the practicality of travel? I don't know... he still seems off to me sometimes. At points he's mature and deep, at others he is very childish, but past the point of realistic. I may not be expressing myself well but at the very least, I'd think that Robin would at least attempt to be brave in front of Guardian, but maybe back up or lose his voice in his fear? His over analyzing his lack of response to Guardian was very good, though. I enjoyed that.

I loved the part with Caius and the music. He's a mope but I like his sentiment. And finally, the discussion (and extra) I was waiting for! This is good, I like that Evie and Caius finally expressed that their misconceptions and could make up more. Hopefully healing comes from this.

Like KAL, I wasn't super comfortable with the sexual-ness of the final scene but I think you wrote it well. It was interesting to see the difference in sexual intimacy in humans versus vampires. The fact that they drank from each other as an act akin to sex makes the vampire bar even more... lewd? Undignified? Disrespectful? None of these words fit but it strengthened my understanding of why Caius wouldn't want to go there. If he believes vampires are monsters and that drawing blood is an intimate act, then of course the bar would make him uncomfortable.

Finally, I just wanted to say that I am enjoying the new advances in this, and your writing is strong. However, I think you should try to open new conflicts before completely resolving new ones and maintain strong subplots. You have a few subplots, but I think more with the other characters could strengthen the overall story, and I feel that currently you are in a bit of a lull with the main conflicts. Overall this story has a good feel and flow, and your writing has definitely improved over time, so don't take anything too harshly. :) As always, these are just suggestions.

Thanks for sharing! Happy Review Day and keep writing!

~Night






Hello! This chapter is actually 13 A4 pages long so in this format it was a bit too dauntingly huge and I know its not fun reading big chunks of text on a screen so that's why I cut it in half :)

Robin is a child. He might be seventeen but he has been bullied his whole life and has not been able to stand up for himself so he has sort of regressed by being treated so badly. He is all bark and no bite. He says all the things that he would 'like' to do but never actually does anything because he is scared. Like in his first scene when he is told he is too young to be a blood whore, he is outside of the building pacing around, not inside complaining and kicking up a fuss. So for a guy like that, meeting a very creepy ancient vampire and his minions would be pretty terrifying. I mean, even Caius is intimidated by Guardian and he is an ancient himself. So I think its realistic for Robin to regress to childlike behaviour in that situation. And the fact that he held onto Caius' hand when he earlier made a fuss about it was to show just how terrified he really was.

I'm glad you like the music scene. Caius can come across as a bit of a wet blanket but he does have a lot of feeling and he liked to express that through music.

Vampires, in my head, are sexual beings so there was bound to be some sexy bits but I wanted it to be tasteful between Evie and Caius, as apposed to what goes on in the vampire bar. And you are totally right, the vampire bars are very crass and undignified and that's the reason Caius wanted to keep Evie away from them.

Don't worry, as this is only the first half of the chapter, things kick off in the second half. This is the calming before the storm ;) I'll put it up soon and you can see for yourself :D

Thanks for the review!



User avatar
94 Reviews


Points: 3571
Reviews: 94

Donate
Thu Dec 29, 2016 12:44 am
View Likes
deleted868 wrote a review...



Hey there! Let's get this Review Day started, woo! I've been dying for this next chapter so I'm very happy it's arrived! This chapter was so good! I love your characters so much, and I love that I've been able to glean some information on the background of these characters by simply reading this chapter and not having to go back and reread the whole series. This world you've created is so amazing and descriptive; I absolutely loved how much I can picture how this place exists and operates and man this is so well done. There is so much dialogue in this but I'm totally fine with it, since it gives so much characterization and really individualizes each character. I love awesome conversations, and you've definitely provided some in this chapter.

Can I just say that Guardian and Milah are also really interesting? I just really enjoy that is is a a vampire story which is truly mature and just more sophisticated compared to a lot of other supernatural stories. I'm not a huge fan of sexual content in the larger sense, but you write in a very precise way - I mean you describe it well, but you don't throw it completely in the reader's face, which I appreciate, and thanks for not going way overboard with the descriptions and all that. Im find with being able to infer a little about what's going on, instead of getting every single action ever and having to turn this story into 18+. Man I wish I knew more about Alexander, because the whole "needing attention" thing usually means that he did not have a great previous life, or that the explanation for him bring that way is going to be very interesting. Now I definitely need to read the last chapters to see what's up with that.

All in all, is si yet another amazing chapter! I'm very happy that I'm able to get what's mostly goin on in this story without having to read 30-something chapters in order to be able to review and give you some thoughts about this. The one typo I saw was that after "he drank from her" I think you meant to put a comma, not a period, as the next sentence is "the most intimate act between vampires." Besides that, I really didn't see any mistakes which is very impressive with how long this chapter is. Overall, I'm loving this story so much! I hope next chapter there is more action though besides just dialogue, since it could get a little boring just reading characters talking if they're not doing much else. Thanks for telling me about this next chapter and I hope I helped on this Review Day!






Hello!

Thank you, thank you, thank you for all your kind words! :D Yeah, this chapter had a bit of a recap of what's been going on so that's helpful for you haha.

I'm glad you like Guardian and Milah. Is this the first time you've read about them? I like to think this is a mature vampire book, I don't want it to be shoved into the same group as young adult supernatural romances like Twilight. It's not like Twilight! Haha.

Yes, there are some sexy moments but vampires are sexual beings so.. I felt like it was right to be in it. But I did try to keep it tasteful!

Don't worry, you'll get to find out all about Alexander later on. He's a very important character.

There is more action in the second half on this chapter, but I am going to upload it as another chapter because I don't want to ruin the flow. This is definitely the calm before the storm! Mwuhaha.

Thanks for the review!



deleted868 says...


You're very welcome! Pretty much I think. I don't remember a lot of the first chapter which I did read, but there wasn't much about those two until now. I'm very happy you don't want to be like Twilight XD. Yay! Alexander is so interesting and I'm really intrigued by his whole "sexual" tendencies and all that haha. Alright I can't wait! You're welcome!




“A good book isn't written, it's rewritten.”
— Phyllis A. Whitney, Guide to Fiction Writing