Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.
Evie’s heart was in her throat as she stripped herself of her coat and threw into over Caius to cover his bare feet and legs which were torn and oozing blood. His skin was peeled back like old paint. Caius continued whimpering and crying, his head in his hands.
“Caius,” she said tentatively. She pushed up the sleeve of her jumper and lifted her wrist to his face. “You need to drink.”
He hissed and turned away from her, burying his head into his chest.
“Caius.” Her voice was now coming out shrill and desperate as tears collected in her eyes. “Please. You have to. You’re going to go into hibernation.” She looked skyward and cringed as the sun peeked through the clouds. “Or worse…” But he just moaned some more and regressed back into the trees. Fallen leaves and rubbish swirled around them in the winter breeze. The smell and taste of blood was thick in the air but that was in the back of her mind. Cold seeped through Evie’s thin jumper, chilling her to the bone.
She thrust her wrist into his face even more. “Caius…you can’t die. Not after you just saved me. I can’t let you die. Please drink. For me.”
There was rustling under her coat. A clawed hand pushed out from her khaki parka and grasped her wrist. Evie winced at the feeling of his melted, blistered skin against hers. He angled his head slightly. She was sure she saw a glimpse of a pale iris before it clouded black and he swooped, sinking his fangs into her forearm. She cried out in pain and surprise. He pulled back almost immediately, withdrew his fangs and coughed up her blood down his tattered shirt.
Tears blurred her vision as she saw distaste and nausea scrunch up his face. “Caius…I know it’s hard but you have to drink. Push past the sickness. You can’t die.”
His fangs sank into her again at a slightly different spot, piercing her skin again. His bony grip on her wrist tightened and guttural, animalistic growls rumbled deep in his throat as her blood flowed into him and he managed to keep it down. She could feel his tongue rasping against her skin, coaxing the blood down his throat.
Eve tried to distract herself from the odd mix of pain and drugged elation by focusing on the way the mangled skin on his face was healing and returning smooth and perfect once again. Dried blood still marred him but it was no longer oozing and swelling. Moments later, he was completely healed.
And yet he was still drinking.
His grip on her had not loosened. He was still gulping down her blood like there was no tomorrow. Evie was starting to shift from blissfully dazed to dangerously lightheaded.
“Caius.” She strained against his grip. “Caius, you can stop now.” She started to yank and push against him with her other hand. He growled at her in protest and pulled her forwards, curling himself over her like a dog with a bone. He continued to suck at her wrist, gripping it with two hands now, stronger than before- now revitalised. “No. Caius.” Tears were streaming down her face now, so much that her temples was pounding. “Please. Stop.”
She caught sight of something shining in the corner of her eye. A glass bottle. She grabbed it and smashed it against the tarmac before driving the jagged edge into Caius’ side. His head whipped back, dislodging his fangs from her, and he screamed in pain before spinning to face her. His eyes were as black as the night. His fangs were extended, blood smeared over his chin and cheeks. The circles under his eyes were coiled with thick purple veins as he hissed at her, ready to strike at her throat.
“Caius no!” she shrieked and shielded her face with her hands.
Seconds passed. Her heart hammered against her chest. She felt so sick she thought she might pass out.
“…Evie?”
She gasped and dropped her hands. He was curled up as deep into the trees as he could with her coat draped over him, shielding him from the spots of sunlight that lanced through the bare branches. His top half was fully cloaked in thin grey shadow and his pale blue eyes gazed at her with a mixture of guilt and exhaustion. He was back. He had come back to her.
“Caius!” Evie gushed with relief and fell forwards, wrapping her arms around him. He held her close, rather weakly, but then started coughing and retching. She pulled away as he spat blood down her jumper.
“I’m sorry…” he wheezed, wiping his mouth. The back of his palm momentarily caught the sunlight and he hissed, pulling it back as it burned.
This was clearly no time to get reacquainted. Evie started getting to her feet, now aware of how little time they had and how much danger they could possibly be in. “I’m going to get the car. Stay here. I’ll come and get you.”
“What about the bodies?” asked Caius, coughing up another mouthful of blood. It sloshed down his cheek into the leaves.
Her gut twisted as she looked over at the severed bodies now in a pool of blood that could fill a bath. “We don’t have time. We have to leave them.” She looked back at him. “I’ll be back for you. I promise.”
He didn’t argue but instead pulled her coat over his head so he was completely submerged.
The cold wind was like being sliced by shards of ice as Evie raced home. Her red hair slapped against her cheeks as her eyes darted down every street she ran down. Were they still looking for her? She couldn’t be too careful.
The front door was open when she reached it. A trail of blood droplets ran from the drive to the stairs. It was clear where Caius had lost his balance and toppled over, leaving behind smudged bloody handprints and pieces of charred flesh on the floor and walls.
The car keys were in the bowl where they usually were. She shoved them into her jeans pocket and turned to leave. Then she stopped.
What was the plan? Were they going to leave the city? How long for? Ever? Nico’s men weren’t going to stop looking for her. And it was clear that they had a grudge against Caius, too. Which would only grow when they found out what he had done to more of their friends.
So they were both leaving then… After ten years of this place.
But if they were going for good, she needed to grab the essentials. The things they never left a place without. She ran upstairs and into the bedroom. Her backpack was empty and open on the floor, she grabbed it and shoved in a clean pair of jeans, a shirt and a pair of boots for Caius, and then also a jacket for herself before opening the bedside drawer. Her heart stammered and she swallowed a sob as she took out the framed photograph that was an aged, sepia colour. She wrapped it up in her jacket before placing it into the backpack so it didn’t break. She zipped up her bag, slung it onto her back and grabbed the duvet. After piling it by the front door, she crossed into the kitchen and checked the fridge. Ten blood bags remained. A small handbag hung on a hook on the wall. She took it and filled it with the blood bags. She couldn’t have Caius feeding on her any more.
His phone was on the kitchen counter so she threw that into the bag, too.
It was quite difficult shifting everything and shoving it into the back of the Cavalier but she managed. Wiping the cold sweat off her brows, she folded herself behind the wheel and set off to collect Caius, hoping he hadn’t shrivelled into a crisp in the meantime.
She drove like a maniac, tapping impatiently and nearly fidgeting out of her seat as she waited behind red lights. Then she was finally at the Chinese Takeaway. She drove down the driveway and parked as close to the trees as she could. She flew out, her adrenaline thumping in her veins so fiercely that she couldn’t even feel the cold anymore.
He was still shaking under the trees, spewing up blood and hissing with pain.
“Caius. Caius, I’ve got the car. I’m going to help you up now, okay?” She bent down beside him and wrapped her arm around his thin waist. He groaned and staggered to his feet. Once he was upright, Evie rearranged her coat so it hung over his shoulders and the fur-lined hood protected his face. But his legs and feet were still bare and as he stepped into the sun, he fell against her then almost collapsed from the pain. His legs were turning a horrid mixture of red and black as his skin smoked but even with Caius’ lack of strength and dead weight, Evie managed to throw him into the backseat of the car. She was running purely on adrenaline now. If she so much as stopped to think about what was happening, she would have collapsed herself.
She threw the duvet over his body that was draped over the backseat, still quaking and moaning, slammed the door and got into the driver’s seat. As she spun the car around she winced at a crunching sound. Bile rose up in her throat. She had just accidently ran over one of the dead man’s limbs. It was an arm. It sounded like an arm.
“I have no idea where I’m going,” Evie stated outright. She was talking to herself. Caius had fallen asleep as soon as she’d thrown the duvet on him and he was completely shielded from the sun. They were now on the motorway heading out of the city. It was almost three when Evie had stopped to get a McDonalds drive-thru and smiled overly cheerily as the man passed her burger from the window and looked back curiously at the lump on the backseat. He arched an eyebrow but said nothing so she had driven on.
Now her fries sat on her lap and she dipped into the packet as she drove on aimlessly. “What the hell is going on?” she mumbled, shaking her head. “We’re on the run. On the run. From some crazy scientist who wants my blood and God knows what else. And then there’s Joe. What the hell has he got to do with everything? Was that his dirty little secret he desperately wanted to keep hidden? That he was working for Nico?” She gritted her teeth with frustration and slammed the heels of her palms against the wheel. “But that makes no sense. He likes vampires, I could tell. Unless he’s just a really good liar… was that all just an act? To draw me into a false sense of security?” She shook her head again.
“But just then… at the pub. He seemed so sincere… he seemed scared. Why would he be scared if he is working for them? Why did he try and give me a head start if he is working for them? God, this makes no sense! What the fuck is going on?!” She glanced up at the rear-view mirror, at Caius balled up in the black and white duvet, and sighed. “Not like I’m going to get anything from you. Just keep talking to yourself, Evie, it’s better than driving in silence.”
She was heading down a narrow country road with fields stretched across either side of her. Sheep huddled up together to deflect the harsh breeze and the rain that seemed to sweep through the air like a sheet. She’d been driving for an hour since her detour and luckily the sky was starting to darken, but not by much. Now she was very thankful for the short days and long nights. She was driving herself crazy. Every time she thought about the near future, about what the hell they were both going to do, she would end up panicking so much that she’d start to hyperventilate and then have to calm herself down again.
A human and a vampire could never work. She had no idea how a human and a vampire on the run was going to work.
“Evie?”
She jumped and jerked the wheel dangerously to the left, making the car swerve and almost veer into a fence. She glanced up at the rear-view mirror and saw that Caius had sat up with his face poking through the duvet wrapped around him. The blood had dried on his face and was crumbled and peeling in places.
“Holy crap, Caius, you scared me! How long have you been awake?” The sky had only grown dark enough for her to need her headlights moments earlier.
“Would you want me to become human?” he asked as if she hadn’t spoken.
The question caught her by surprise and she found herself lost for words. “Erhh…um.” She cleared her throat and looked back to the road ahead but she could feel his eyes on her still. “No. To be honest, no, I wouldn’t want you to become human.” She winced, unsure of how he’d react.
A pause followed. “…Why not?”
His soft, passive tone made her heart constrict. Her grip on the steering wheel tightened until her knuckles were almost piercing through her skin. “Because I don’t think you could handle it.”
She glanced up at the rear-view mirror. There was a spark of curiosity in his eyes as he cocked his head to the side ever-so-slightly. Evie knew he wanted her to continue so she sucked in a breath and readied herself.
“When I Turned…back, it was like everything had come back into focus. I hadn’t really noticed it before but being a vampire…it kind of puts you in a bubble. It protects you from all the shit in your life. And Caius…you’ve been through a hell of a lot of shit.” She glanced up at the mirror and saw the thin line of his mouth had dipped into a slight frown.
“I mean, you’ve been alive for over a thousand years. A thousand years. You haven’t just gone through your fair share of bad times. You’ve gone through a hell of a lot of people’s fair share of bad times. And if you became human, if you even were able to become human again…I think it’d crush you. All those bad memories you’ve been able to carry around with you will drag you down and mess you up.”
A heavy silence filled the car as Evie followed her headlights through the tunnel of trees.
“You think I’m messed up?” asked Caius in a small voice.
Her brows furrowed at the sting in her chest. “I love you. Warts and all.”
She looked to the mirror when she heard rustling. His shoulders had slouched and he pulled the duvet tighter around his head so it was completely framing his face. “I don’t have warts.”
Evie laughed. “Everyone has warts in one way or another.”
“What’s your wart?”
She paused and shifted her eyes back to the road. “Loving you.”
She couldn’t bear the silence that followed and had to see his reaction. The muscle in his jaw rippled and his right eyebrow lifted a fraction, creasing his forehead. A reaction so minor that no one except for Evie would have noticed. But being with him for ten centuries had given her a deep insight and expert knowledge of Caius’ facial expressions and what they all meant. This one was one that she so hoped to never see. This one was one she tried to avoid. And it hurt her tenfold to know that she was the one who had made his jaw flex like that.
That look was of unequivocal pain. Like a wooden bullet to his un-beating heart.
Tears began to swell and Evie looked back to the road, unable to take the agony shimmering in the pale blue pools of his eyes.
“Wh-what do you mean by that?”
She squeezed her eyes shut and let the tears fall before gasping a sob and staring ahead at the blurring patch of light from the headlights. “I’m human. I have a chance to live. A want to live. To have a normal life. But I can’t because it’s not with you. I was without you for a day and it was killing me. I love you more than life itself and it scares the crap out of me, Caius. If I lost you-” She shook her head vigorously, biting back sobs. “-I’d lose everything. I wouldn’t be able to cope. And that…that is intense. So intense, it’s terrifying.
“And now we’re back together, on the run. I have no idea where we are or where we’re going but I know one thing for certain and that is that this-” She lifted her hand from the steering wheel and gestured between them. “This is not going to work. No matter how desperately I want it to.” Her heart then thumped with realisation and she looked back at Caius who was now just staring at her with that same tortured expression. “Is that why you asked me if I wanted you to be human? Because you know this can’t work too but you know I don’t want you to Turn me back?”
His eyes flitted to the fields outside but he said nothing. Evie wasn’t in the mood to force an answer out of him so she just continued driving. “I brought you some pants and shoes. They’re in the backpack.”
A silence rang between them as Caius shuffled about in the backseat, trying to wriggle himself in a pair of tight skinny jeans as Evie steered around bends and avoided potholes. Then Caius let out a throaty groan. Evie caught him in the rear-view mirror lying down arching his back like he was being electrified.
“Caius?”
He groaned again in response and then relaxed, dropping on the seats and rubbing his temples. “Milah’s summoning me.”
Evie’s eyes widened. “Milah your Maker?”
He groaned. “Yeah.”
“What could she want? You haven’t heard from her in years.”
He sighed. “I don’t know, but I have to go find out.”
She looked around them. They were still in the middle of nowhere. For all Evie knew, she was driving them further into the middle of nowhere. They had passed a few farmhouses along the way and campsites. That was it.
“You’re going to leave me here?”
He pushed himself up so he was lounged on his side, his dark hair hiding half of his face. He must have rubbed his face because there were only speckles of blood now under his eyes and in the creases of his nostrils. His light beard was still coated in it.
“I’m sorry, Evie. I can’t ignore her. The pain-” He clenched his eyes shut and rubbed his head. “-it’ll only get worse. You’re going to have to pull over.”
“But where the hell am I supposed to go? How will you find me?”
“Evie, please.” He fell forwards and touched her shoulder, wheezing. “Pull over.”
Setting her jaw, she veered off and pulled up. “At least take your phone and I’ll give you my number.”
But Caius was already shoving the door open and stumbling out. “No time. I’m sorry. I have to go.” He grunted and almost fell to his knees. “She’s getting really pissed off.”
“Well, that makes two of us!”
He looked back at her, his blue eyes shining through his hair in the moonlight. “I’ll come back for you, Evie. I promise.”
“But how?”
He showed her a slanted smile. “The same way I did before.”
She opened her mouth to speak but he set off with vampire speed, becoming a black blur in the dull grey mist.
She had been left stranded in the middle of a country road. It felt like she hadn’t seen a sign in miles. What was she supposed to do? Wait? Keep driving? But where to?
Something in the corner of her eye caught her attention and she turned to the passenger seat. A dark puddle was starting to form in the crease of the fabric, turning it an ugly brownish colour. She shifted her handbag to the side and noticed the corner of it was leaking. Leaking blood.
“Fuck!”
Hastily, she started rummaging through the blood bags and found the one that was leaking. It had been pierced by the comb she hadn’t realised she’d left in her bag. When Caius was grabbing his stuff, he must have moved the backpack that lay beside it and shifted the contents of the handbag.
“This is fucking fantastic,” she mumbled to herself. There was no point moving the other blood bags and cleaning out her handbag. But then it was going to stain the seat. She groaned inwardly and found some tissues stuffed under the driver’s seat.
Then her head pricked up and her blood ran cold at a sound.
The back door of the car was still open and she felt the wind change as if disturbed. She sucked in a breath when she heard the sound again. A soft swoosh. A soft swoosh she was very familiar with.
The sound of vampires.
Clicking then started ringing around the car. The clicking of fangs unsheathing. She flipped her head from side to side, scanning her surroundings but the night had grown dark fast and all she could see was straight in front of her in the pool of light coming from her headlights. She leaned over her seat to try and pull the back door shut but when she grabbed the handle, another hand grabbed the edge of the door. Sharpened fingernails scraped against the metal, leaving long gashes behind. Whimpers started to leave her before she even got a good look at her new company.
Just as her eyes were about to follow the arm attached to the hand, the whole car bounced as something thrashed against the rear. Evie screamed and covered her mouth with her hands as a pale face pressed up against the back window. Eyes as black as pitch. The vampire was a woman with long black hair that had a hint of blue against moonlight. It blew back from her face in the breeze, revealing her strong, angular face. Evie gasped and turned to the other vampire as it ripped the back door clean off and sent it hurtling into the field behind them. This one was male with dark hair that curled just past his ears. He hissed and lunged at her but the door behind her flew open and she was grabbed from behind. Kicking and screaming, she was torn from the car. Her seatbelt dug into her chest painfully until it completely snapped off.
Claws dug into her middle, slicing through her jumper and raking across her stomach. Pain exploded through her body as she felt her hot, thick blood pouring from the tears. Snapping fangs rang down her ears as she thrashed against the body she was pinned to.
“Please, please don’t. Don’t hurt me, please!” she begged, tears streaming down her face. “I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die. Please!”
But all she got was a chuckle from the female vampire who strolled up to her, licking her lips. Now, Evie could see that she was Asian and impossibly beautiful. Unnaturally beautiful. The male vampire that lunged at her grabbed her handbag in the passenger seat and tore it open. He picked up a blood bag, sneered, and threw it back.
Fangs sank into her neck and she shrieked, trying to kick back against the vampire that had hold of her. But its arms were locked around her middle and now drenched in her blood. She was going nowhere. The female vampire swooped up in front of her and tore at her jumper before sinking her fangs into the other side of her throat. Evie garbled, coughing blood. She tried to plead. Tried to scream. But she was getting fainter and fainter with every passing second and her airways were quickly being clogged up.
She could feel her life draining out of her.
Caius. Help me. Come back to me, Caius. Save me…
The vampires released her and threw her onto the road. She cried inwardly at the impact and squinted up at the three vampires over her, backlit by the moonlight and hazy in the soft rainfall.
She was coughing, choking on her own blood as it felt like fists of ice were squeezing her lungs. The vampires all cocked their heads, inspecting her, and clicked their nails together as if deliberating. The third vampire that had had her pinned back was another male with a bald head. With a start, Evie thought it was Guardian, the head of the Vampire Court that had forced Caius to Turn her. But this vampire was far too young looking.
This whole night seemed like a horrid remake of what had happened in that graveyard a hundred years ago. But one thing was different. This time she knew she was going to die for real.
She cringed and tried to cover her face but her limbs were no longer co-operation due to severe blood loss. The three vampires grinned down at her, blood dripping down their throats.
And then they lunged.
End of chapter
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Nope, sometimes you can't read one more green room poem. Sometimes you just need to review something that's beyond the rawest of first drafts. Hello, MissGangamash, I am here to pay my debts.
Nit-picks:
"regressed" seems like an oddly technical word, and it doesn't really tell me anything about either how Caius is feeling about hiding, or how Evie is feeling about him doing so.
Bit repetitive. Maybe replace the "ran down" with "took".
Sepia is a bit cliché, which isn't an issue in itself, but it means that you don't sound like you're aware of this if you describe the frame as if this is totally new, which makes the writing sound a little inexperienced.
C and T shouldn't be capitalised unless this is the name of the place. If that's the name of the place, this town has rather unoriginal entrepeneurs
This is a bit too much for one sentence. Try splitting it up a bit.
This is a bit tell-y. Something like "She couldn't stop to think about what was happening - she'd collapse" would flow better and also sound more panicked.
"accidentally". Also I say "ran" but I think technically it's meant to be "run".
either "no longer co-operating" or "no longer in co-operation" though I think the latter is a bit odd.
Overall:
Character: This has always been one of your strong suits. I like Evie. She's tired and scared but she loves Caius so she's going to do what she can to save him. I also think it's cool that most of the most potent moments where I realise she loves him that much are moments they have together. I've missed Caius too, though for obvious reasons there wasn't that much for him in this particular chapter.
Setting: I think there's just about enough done here, but a little more wouldn't hurt, maybe to raise tension in the final scene.
Plot: HOOOOOLY CRAP! Soooo many things happening here. I remember you said last time that it was good I wanted to know what happened next cos it was a pivotal moment. Well you were not wrong. Not much more to say on this front...
ermagerdFlow: Your pacing is good, which is important in such a hectic chapter. I do think maybe too much happens in one chapter though, and it would be good to split them. I know that takes more points, but I just mean like you did with 17+18.
Hope this helps,
Biscuits
p.s. I'll do 21 when you do 4.3 and we can just go back and forth like that from now on.
Welcome back, I hope you remember what you've read previously haha.

Thank you for pointing out the nitpicks, I've sorted them out.
You did leave this novel at a very pivotal point! The next chapter is the start of Part 2, where the story takes a different turn.
My chapters are quite long and get longer towards the end because at that point I only had one loyal reader and she liked the long chapters, but when people just pop in to review the odd chapter, they have complained about the length. I've just got the epilogue to upload now anyway so what's done is done haha. If you get that far hopefully you'll appreciate the chapter lengths.
Thank you for coming back and reviewing, I hope you like the story
Woah, seriously congrats on getting to the end of a novel!
Thank you! This is actually the 7th novel I've completed and finished an 8th while still editing this. But this is definitely my favourite... and the longest! It's the one I really hope will get noticed by an agent. Fingers crossed!
Hooooly crap!
What???
This is an insane ride all of a sudden! I'm really pleased with the pacing of this chapter. I think we've bounced back from the slow parts! The last few chapters have just been the slow hill up on the roller coaster this novel is.
Again, I think that this chapter could be combined with the last.
I too don't like the talking to herself bit. It comes off really wooden. I think you'd be better with thoughts or even silence because those two paragraphs don't actually tell us anything we don't know.
I also think Evie's being a little silly about the "You're leaving me here?" part. It's not like he's taking the car. She's not actually stranded because she has the ability to leave the spot she's at. Not to mention, she just told the guy loving him was her wart. Which comes off as really prideful. It's not like she doesn't have faults. It takes two to tango. She created this weird relationship as much as he did.
I hope Evie doesn't get turned into a vampire again. I feel like, when she's been fighting for her life anyways, death would be better than eternity again. To be honest, I've completely forgotten about the prologue, so all of this is so crazy.
Caius is never going to forgive himself when he finds out about this!
This is a completely useless review, but this is my favorite chapter so far, so it's good that I don't have much to say.
Onward!
Megs~
There's enough action to get you through haha.

She's talking to herself to cover the silence. She's driving - basically alone - down a dark country road with absolutely no idea where she's going. She's trying to comfort herself and with so much going on in her head, sometimes it is just best to say it out loud to help make sense of things.
He's leaving her in the situation. She's not stranded, no, but she's got no destination and has no idea what she's doing... and he's just left her.
Glad you liked this chapter
So she died at the end? I have to say I only read this chapter, but feel I understood it for the most part. At least you used real vampires, not fake ass wampires that sparkle and bitch about they're feelings all emo like. Twilight is crap yeah, any real vampire story fan would agree. Real vampires burn in the sun, drink blood, and don't give a shit about humans for the most part.

Anyway yeah I loved it, I wish I read it sooner.
She may have...she may have not... ;D
And I'm hoping maybe you'll stick around and keep reading..??
Yes! My vampires are real vampires! None of that Twilight bull.
I'm glad you liked this chapter
Hey Ganga! Night here for another review!
Grammar and nitpicks first, okay?
This sentence is a run-on and has a grammar error- I think "into" was meant to be "it". This sentence just seemed like a very choppy way to start the chapter. It was too long with too much description packed into one sentence. I would split it into two to make it flow better, or cut out some of the description.
I think this is supposed to be "his tongue rasping"? Because otherwise there's this awkward, somewhat sexual thing going on with Evie pushing her own blood down his throat... XD
This was odd wording. I understand what she's saying, but it made me pause because it was a weird way to put it. I think saying "How long? Forever?" would be better, and give the same message.
Okay. This whole talking-to-herself thing really put me off. I didn't really like it. Even though it showed her train of thought and anger and whatnot, I felt that it was a little forced and pretty awkward for her to just be yelling in the car and pondering things to herself. I feel that it would be better to put most of it in italics, and perhaps just have her burst out once with, "God, this makes no sense! What's going on?!" and then have her pause and look back at Caius, and the rest of it be her thoughts. I don't know, I just felt that the two paragraphs of her ranting alone seemed kind of off. Maybe if you rewrote it it would feel better to me, but right now I feel that all of it would go smoother as thoughts in her head.
And alright. The whole paragraph directly after that seemed pretty off to me too, if I'm going to be honest. I'll go with the main few sentences that seemed roughest.
The sheep aren't deflecting themselves, they are deflecting the breeze, correct? So I think this would be better phrased as "Sheep huddled together to deflect the harsh breeze, and..."
The second half of the sentence was also a little off. I normally don't think of mist as sweeping or moving particularly quickly, so the simile used here seemed unrelated to me. You could say, "The rain swept through the air in curtains" or "The rain swept through the air as fast as bullets" or something like that. I just felt the figurative language was a little off-putting.
I felt that this collection of sentences was confusing and could have been rearranged to make more sense. Some of the words were not needed and only gave the reader letters to trip over. I think it would be clearer if you tried something like...
"Evie was thankful for the security of long nights as the sky began to darken. But despite the comfort that thought gave, she was still struggling not to panic. Every time she thought about the near future, about what the hell they were going to do, she would start to hyperventilate. She was driving herself crazy. How could they possibly get through this?"
Of course, this isn't perfect, but I think it cuts down on the longer sentences and makes it clearer. It's totally up to you though, as always.
I think this should be, "saw Caius had sat up..."
W should be capitalized.
I don't particularly think silence rings, do you? I personally think a better verb would be "stretched between them" or "The silence was thick between them" or something like that.
I'd put a comma, like, "I don't know, but..."
Comma after "well".
Hmm. To me, this sentence sounds like the vampire was literally running his fangs up and down her ears as he snaps them, but that's kind of weird. Did you mean the sound of snapping fangs? Or is the vamp literally nibbling her ears?
I don't know, I felt that Evie sounds very weak here, compared to previous chapters. I mean, when she was confronted by Nico's men, she talked to them, found out why they were doing what they were. Here, she automatically goes to begging and crying that she doesn't want to die? It just feels a little off to me, but maybe she's just so far on the edge that she doesn't have strength left to fight.
This seemed to clinical to me, to detailed. I felt that it cut into the action with a scientific observation. I'd change it to something simpler, like, "but her limbs were no longer responding."
I also have two general nitpicks.
1) There is a lot of repetition of words/ small phrases in this chapter for emphasis. Some examples being:
You get the idea. I just saw a lot of repetition and italics being used for emphasis, and it happened enough that I started noticing it when it did. A few times is fine, and it has a good effect. However, when used too often, it starts becoming a little...cheap, for lack of better word, and it becomes too commonplace to have the emphasis you're looking for. Does that make sense?
2) There is a lot more cursing in this chapter. Cursing can be used effectively and for emphasis, and I think that in the past you've done wonderful at that. However, this chapter seemed like Evie was cursing a lot. To me, it made her seem younger, more juvenile. I understand that she is panicking, but both characters seemed less mature in this chapter to me. There were some unnecessary moments of cursing, such as when she uses the f-bomb when she sees the blood leaking from her purse. It could just as easily be changed to "Crap!" or more minor cursing, such as "Dammit!", and both have the same effect, in my opinion.
This isn't anything against cursing itself. I just think that this chapter used more of it than the others, and that stood out.
Sorry if I seemed harsher than normal. This chapter just felt less developed grammatically to me. As always, these are all mere suggestions, and do with them as you please.
Praise! Praise! Praise!
Wowie. This was an intense chapter. From Caius's weak state, to driving over the bodies (ew but also kind of badass), to him running away to his Maker (woah dude woah), to the ending (WOAH THERE HOLD ME). There was so much tension and sadness and fear and gah it's incredible.
I don't know why I was so surprised that Caius's Maker was still around, because obviously age doesn't affect the vamps. Just the fact that she hadn't been mentioned much before, kind of sprung it on me. It was great though. The twist, and the fact that he ran away so quickly, despite his love of Evie, made me on the edge of my seat. Wow.
And then those bad vampires randomly attacking her out of nowhere. WHAT. WHAT. I'm very curious as to why they descended on her, one girl in a car, when I'm sure there more people in the farmhouses nearby. Could the attack have something to do with Caius leaving? Are these attacks commonplace? Because if so, I'd be terrified to be driving around at night as a human in this world. O.O
I also found it interesting that the vamps didn't care that Evie had bloodbags in her purse. Wouldn't they know that she had a vampire friend somewhere and that she sympathized with them? Or were they so hungry that they didn't care if they killed an ally? All very interesting questions that made me want to read on.
Overall, I felt that this chapter could have been executed better, but I really did love the ideas behind all of it.
Keep writing and being amazing!
~Night
Don't apologise, this is why I'm uploading this on here. I want to make it as best as I can before self-publishing

The bit about Evie's running monologue...When I need to figure things out, I talk to myself out loud. I thought that was normal...is it not? XD Well, anyway, I think it fits her predicament. And plus, Caius is comatose in the back so her talking to herself is also her trying to block out the eerie silence in the car.
And the bit about the ringing silence, sometimes when it's so quite...there's noise. If that makes sense? Like it's sound of your blood and it sounds like a ringing. Again...is that weird? I get that all the time XD It was just a little tid-bit to her having a bloodstream now I guess. I didn't really think about that when I wrote it but now I think about it...it's quite fitting haha. Happy accident.
The part with Evie begging was supposed to make her sound weak. She's human now and can be killed very easily. She's just watched Caius savagely slaughter a bunch of humans right in front of her and now she's got three vampires on her. She's just had front row seat to what's in store for her. She's going to be feeling pretty darn terrified. She was slightly stronger before Nico's men because I guess they were humans with guns...nothing compared to a bunch of crazy vamps.
And the extra cursing in this chapter was to show just how done she was. She's been through a hell of a lot of crap in the last few hours and she's just sick of being scared. When you're scared, you shout and curse because you just don't know what else to do. Evie is pretty desperate in this chapter. And the 'Fuck!' was intentionally strong and sudden because the blood leaking happens right after Caius just abandons her in the middle of nowhere. She's really on the end of her tether.
I wanted Milah to just jump into the equation because I think it put emphasis on how much control she has over Caius. No one mentioned her and then suddenly, she's communicating and Caius goes scarpering off after her like a trained puppy just as simple as that.
There's a reason why the vampires that attacked Evie are different to the ones that have been mentioned in the city, you'll learn more about why in the next few chapters
I'll have a look at all the other things you've pointed out and see what I can do and alter those errors
Thanks for the review!
That all makes sense. No problem! I'm loving this whole thing.