Young Writers Society

Here as requested, darling! I haven't read the other reviews, so I risk repeating what has already been said.

First of all, I think the premise of the images is very interesting. It definitely pulls the reader in from the very first line, wondering who is this speaker, and why are they saying the things they are. I think you're very good at grabbing the reader at the beginning, but it kind of begins to dwindle as you read the rest of the piece.

For starters, your (already somewhat vague, but mysteriously so) images get vaguer. I have no idea what the second line of your second stanza is supposed to mean, so it kind of shocks me out of the flow of the poem a little - I think to myself, what is "hence with the wind" supposed to mean? I think a bit of clarity in your second stanza might help with that reaction.

Grammar- and punctuation-wise, it feels a little lacking to me. This may be an artistic choice, so I won't go too deeply into it, but you do have a few commas (after "eyes", "reflect", "endure") that could definitely function better as semicolons or full stops. I think that the "or" before "bad" (stanza 2 line 3) should be "nor", but other than that, it appears to all be more of your artistic style, so I'll leave that to you if you want to edit it or such.

Overall, I think it's fairly good and it actually didn't leave very much for me to critique. I did enjoy reading the piece, so there's that. Keep writing!

Hey I'm going to review this! I'm going stanza to stanza!

First Stanza

This is the first poem I've reviewed with this type of writing and I must say I am quite pleased to see it! I think that you did a great job in starting and I liked it. That said though I wasn't exactly sure what you meant when you said "Our means are what make us" I think that was quite a bit strange for me, because from the way I look at the word, it was like you were saying how much we make, as in in money, is what makes us. Which I don't think is what you actually meant to say. With that said, I am a little bit confused as to what you were trying to say. Also I think after "and our mere defects reflect" there should be something separating it from "Who is it that can tell me who I am?" I see that you put some periods in this poem already and not putting a poem there is a bit of a throw off and doesn't match. Also as I was reading it, I found it confusing. That said though I did really like the ending to it, I did find that a bit humorous.

Second Stanza

Wow, I really liked this end. I thought it was very nice and it had just a great flow to it altogether. I think that it also has a lot of meaning there.

All said and done, we must endure,

We're all lost in the end, yet we yearn for a home.

Brilliant! I liked the wording you used and the flow of the poem was great. I could picture the sadness of this character, and the rather old fashioned of this poem embellished that greatly. Especially in the line "Pray I tell, I must meet this man!" Although I think it's pray tell not “Pray tell" not “Pray I tell." Excellent job, keep writing!

I kind of feel bad quoting the whole poem but.... whatever. I'm going to anyways. Also pardon my attempt at understanding poetry.

"For naught of way, I want no eyes," This gives the reader a very interesting visual and sets a mysterious mood for the rest of the poem. We are left wondering why exactly he wants no eyes, although we know he is aimless. But is he aimless in general, or in life, or does he literally have no direction? I like how this fits with the title.

"I stumble at a glance of truth." this sounds very poetic. I wonder at the meaning of it. Perhaps this person is so used to lies that even the tiniest bit of truth trips them up.

"Our means are what make us," do you use the word "means" as "ability to do?" so you're saying that if we can't do anything we amount to nothing? and if we can do everything we are the most precious person in the world? hm. very interesting. I like where this is going.

"and our mere defects reflect" I'm wondering if there is supposed to be a period or some form of punctuation at the end of this line. It doesn't seem to flow into the next line as a full sentence. I'm just going to assume you meant something like "and our mere defects reflect who we are." or something. Because if you meant that, I really like the concept of being defined as your "defects." because everyone has differences and that makes everyone exactly what they are. And like a hand made glass jar, if it was perfect 100% you would doubt the fact that it was hand made, but if it had dimples and defects, you would believe it was unique and special. So, I like the message here. Even with the negative connotation of the word "defect." A really religious person would say, "God made no mistakes! There are no defects!" But, whatever.

"Who is it that can tell me who I am?" This is a very interesting question. I would like to know that about myself as well. I think everyone would. This is a universal question and you hit the nail on the head with placing it in your poem. Is this the question that drives you? The only person who can tell you is yourself. Maybe. I dunno.

"Pray I tell, I must meet this man!" Yeah you mush. LosCadaver, May I introduce you to LosCadaver. ...But really religious people would tell you it was God who could tell you this. what if it's a woman that could tell you this? I'm sorry I'm just rambling.

Stanza Roundup!!! This was a really great first stanza! Even though I went through it and tried to decipher what each line means, I still feel as though I will never understand it. Probably because this poem came from YOUR heart and YOUR experiences and no one other than you will ever fully understand it. Either that or some of the lines you just wrote to sound good. I would have no way of knowing, and I'll admit, I've done that at times. I feel as though there is a deeper meaning and that's a good thing. This isn't a really really fantabulosly awesome stanza, but It was not the worst I've ever read. or even bad at all. okay, moving on.

"All said and done, we must endure," That is good advice, enduring. No matter if you have no direction and don't know who you are, you might just find out later or at the end wherever the end it.

"Hence with the wind, jest their is truth'" I don't understand the little apostrophe at the end of that line. was it intentional?
This line doesn't make much sense to me. Let me explain how I interpret it. the word "hence." usually that means, "so because of what I just said, This." like, "This book has a lot of sadness in it, hence the title." (the title would be sadness or rain or something similar) But I don't understand the usage of "hence" in this line.
where is "the wind" coming from? is it a symbol for change? or literally wind? either way, I don't understand why it's here either. But this is a poem, and like I said before, It's probably from the heart and only you can understand this line.
The second part of this stanza is what I really don't get. I think it's just ungrammatical, and you meant to say "jest is their truth," which would make perfect sense and I would commend you for writing that. I've always liked paradoxes and this is a great allusion to what you said previously about stumbling on truth. Although I wonder who "they" are.

"No good, or bad, unless you think it!" this sounds positive! reminds me of that quote, "whether you think you can your you think you can't-- you're right." (-Henry Ford) Thank you for putting a positive spin on this otherwise pretty much hopeless poem.

"So hang your hat, and break from your road," This ties in with the title really well. I get a great visual of a worn traveler finally stopping to rest after traveling for days on end. which is kind of like life. good job, very poetic.

"We're all lost in the end, we yearn for a home." Wow! stunning way to end the poem. Extending your sympathies with everyone else in the world. The final half of this line is wonderful. I can't really express how great that last half was for me. You've reached a universal thought again.

Stanza roundup!!! I like this stanza slightly better than the last, but It's hard to decide. they were both great. I feel like this stanza has broadened into a statement about the entire world and gives advice to everyone, where the previous stanza was a little more personal.

Poem roundup! All in all, this was a great poem with a great message behind it, even if the message is clouded and obscured from view. Maybe I even got the wrong message from what you were trying to say. This seems like too personal of a poem for me to make suggestions on how to fix it, but hopefully, you'll discover something you didn't realize before after looking at it again through the eyes of a stranger. I genuinely liked this poem, even if it wasn't the best I've ever read.
Best wishes on your writing! Keep it up!

~Fortis Fortitude

That was a great poem. The metaphors and associations really make the feeling of being lost apparent. You don't want to see or know anything... you just want to get through it, and get home. That's what you strive for; that's all you want. Nothing else. Only home and familiarity will help get you out of this unfamiliar, unknown world...

Great job!
Sylvia.