Living in a dream

Hi There,
I really liked this Poem. Short Poetry always has this way of bringing out an issue or idea in a way which causes it to seem significant yet distant.

I really liked the idea of Stars, Dreams, reaching for them. It is very good image that you conveyed well. However what I really like in poetry is the poet using Imagery techniques to really convey their images. If I could offer you one piece of advice, make use of imagery and this will make your poems go further on this website and anywhere you wish to publish your work.

Anyhow, I really liked this Poem and I look forward to seeing the next one.

Good job i like the poem. I learnt something new from this poem. It good to think something new something different. You transformed a simple thoughts into something imaginative and great. I like the whole poem.

But the poem is too short and i am expecting some more imagination. Dont confine your thoughts. Be more creative. Improve your imagination and fill the void with more fantasies.Play more with words. Add more words in your poems,words that can make your poem beautiful. Put emphasize on your concept and bring out something more new. I love the poem.

Keep it up.

Hi there

I'm going to just jump right in. I love short poetry as long as it's effective and I think you did a pretty good job. It's a slight narrative with a moral at the end, which is always useful.

I think the biggest thing that I noticed when reading was the idea of stars as memories. I recently took an Astronomy class and learned that the stars we see are actually like baby pictures that stars have sent out, since they are so far away that a lot of time has passed since those photons were emitted. Some stars might even be dead already. So the idea of stars as memories is extremely effective.

A few things that I think might strengthen this work would be to add more concrete detail. You're telling the story of this man, but you need to show as well as tell in this case. Tell the story of his downfall by showing us how it happened, sharing with the reader how the man felt, etc. This could really make the length of the poem pack a bigger punch. Just remember, more description doesn't necessarily mean more words.

Good luck,

Lucky Duck

Hello there LosPresidentes, The Silent Bagpipe here to review some of your work =) Hopefully I am actually of some use to you, I have to admit my reviews aren't the greatest. I have no eye for nitpicks, but I can give you my opinion on it all.

First off I'll start with my thoughts... Your poem was unique in every way, something I love to see in poetry. Poetry is always about the same old same old. It was nice to see that you expressed yourself in a different way than all the others. I loved the idea of using stars, makes you wonder when you look up at them at night, doesn't it? Even though stars look alike from down here, I bet that each one of them are unique. Just like snowflakes and just like people.
One thing I wanted to say was that your poem lacked rhythm, the subject was very good and you made got the point across in a unique way, but you poem was not so good in the flowing. When I read this poem it made me think that you knew what you meant in your mind but had a hard time expressing it on paper. I suggest that you give it some flowery words, and try to rhyme the words. Mind you not all of them have to rhyme but enough of them to make it sound nice to the ear.

Other than that piece of advice, I have nothing else to say. Your ways of thinking were very unique and inspiring, I would love to read more of your work. Tag me, or PM me when you put some more up! =)
KEEP GOING. YOUR IDEA ROCKED WITH THE STARS <3

~Selina