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West meets East; (finito~)

by LosPresidentes

On this absolute day of days, fate would coil and interject justly and injust.

Among thy Autumn air that night, villanous villany; Or clashing thane?

A mad truth, scattered in forggy disdane.

Here we see young Marcus, soldier of West-Side. Clad in cotton smocks, and

fancy rouge kerchief blanketing his head. Mouse of a man, Yet not in form. In thy lords

service; To whit a debt he owes. a thin face, gaunt and clean, with two beads for eyes,

cold as twilight.

" What be you? West, Or East?"

Marcus bluntly asked the man standing cross inder walk.

This man best described "Green behind the ear"

Short and stout, but a boy among cad.

He dress in similar smock, though his kerchief white.

"Free as the sun I start this day as ever;

East to West"

Gauntly standing, shoulders draped.

Jawls snapping like gar,

"What prevy thee, quaint and qualm! Have thee quarrel?!"

He bantered, demanding.

This boy no stranger to the conflicts of morn and eve.

"Mad be thee! Duke of Dim! This is the East! No sun setting here!"

He gestured to a pistol

Bewildered and begot, Marcus was at these accusations.

"Knave! I seek not quarrel, but question."

The boy drew on him snapping once more.

"Black tongue! Mercy you beg, I bit my thumb at thee!"

Blasting iron and shrieks, leave our misfit hero

slew in the street. So shouldever a moral bedrawn, from this senseless act....

"Never be in the right place at the wrong time"

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User avatar
33 Reviews

Points: 490
Reviews: 33

Tue Aug 05, 2014 5:29 pm
Romania wrote a review...

Not enough people enjoy a good Shakespeare. And the corners of my lips turned upright when you added "I bit my thumb at thee!" Villianous villany is a beautfil use of language. Was the difference between East and West also a difference in socail staues? It seems like the West were more poorily due to Marcus's attitude verues the unnamed one.
Theres also a bit of confusion with the use of "misfit hero" and "senseless act". I would omit hero to emphasis the actual senselessnesss of the act.

LosCadaver says...

Omg you understood the undertones?!

Romania says...

Yes. Yes I do.

LosCadaver says...

high five

User avatar
37 Reviews

Points: 256
Reviews: 37

Fri Jul 18, 2014 10:18 pm
wickedlygoodwriter wrote a review...

Good morrow! very good and different story! i never thought i would find a story like this on YWS but im glad i did. it was nice, short and to the point. you wrote it very exact and precise. i feel like it could have been apart of one of shakespeares actual plays! keep on writing stories like this, can wait to see more!

User avatar
241 Reviews

Points: 286
Reviews: 241

Tue May 07, 2013 1:13 am
Jonathan wrote a review...

Hello there I love writing but I think I could give you some pointers. I will do my best I think this will be and okay sized one so don't worry I hope it helps.

You did a huge huge mistake here by hitting enter way way to many times I made it a lot different and is also made is very wrong here maybe this would help seeing as this looks like it was done intentionally so I will say that even if it was you need to have less entrees.

Sorry there I really really do not understand this at all because it is very jumpy it is like you are saying random words or sentences to me.

Very wired but it was very bold nice work I would have liked it if there was some more context it would be great good job good spelling.

Sorry that it is so small I would have loved to make it a lot bigger sorry if I was to harsh I would have loved to make some helpful comments sorry if i was.

Good job.

I am sorry if I rambled sorry if I did.

Keep writing and good luck.

~Jon~ :pirate3:

LosCadaver says...

Thanks, and not harsh enough, the premise of this is (the wrong place at the wrong time) =3

Random avatar

Points: 660
Reviews: 30

Mon May 06, 2013 6:01 pm
tragicHearts wrote a review...

Hello I like the others that have committed already enjoyed this very much. For the most part I understood the story. To be honest I was never really good at fully good at Shakespearean type of writing. So when I say I got confused at some points it is only because Shakespearean is general confusing to me. Other wise this had good flow and very well written.

Keep writing and above all have fun doing it.

User avatar
184 Reviews

Points: 5411
Reviews: 184

Mon May 06, 2013 1:43 am
veeren says...

Shakespeare didn't write short stories, he wrote poetry and plays. Just a small tip.
If you'd like a full review of this, feel free to message me ;)

LosCadaver says...

I'm not Shakespeare. But thanks, review would be nice. xD

User avatar
67 Reviews

Points: 358
Reviews: 67

Sat May 04, 2013 12:40 am
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cm57105 says...

Wow, nice. I loved the imaginary in this, very lyrical and enthralling. Not sure what the pint of the poem, or the meaning but hopefully you'll reply to the comment.

LosCadaver says...

Its no poem.

cm57105 says...

I apologize, I'm an imbecile sometimes.

LosCadaver says...

No worries XD Its a short story done in Shakespeareanish.

Poetry comes alive to me through recitation.
— Natalie Merchant