A moment longer

Hello CapitalMonday here, a review from the nest. I would like to begin that the tone of this poem is well-spoken and could make someone think also how you rhymed some words together (most of the words). The tone of this poem is that you are telling the reader you want a moment to last forever but life being life, makes it seem a memory that is lost on the beaches of time. You try to make it last, but your dreams are being sucked out of you and you have no where to turn but here. The reader thinks about how the moments in life should have went on a little slower since you might wanted to enjoy being with your mother before they died or seeing your father before he left for the Army.

I also enjoyed how you rhymed some of the words in this poem to create a mood of this poem. You wanted the reader to understand how the person in this poem might have felt since they were upset that life had to go to quickly and only got a few snapshots of the memories they had, and as they grow older they look back at this snapshots in their hands and remember what they might did.

Farewell,
CapitalMonday

Hello CapitalMonday here, a review from the nest. I would like to begin that the tone of this poem is well-spoken and could make someone think also how you rhymed some words together (most of the words). The tone of this poem is that you are telling the reader you want a moment to last forever but life being life, makes it seem a memory that is lost on the beaches of time. You try to make it last, but your dreams are being sucked out of you and you have no where to turn but here. The reader thinks about how the moments in life should have went on a little slower since you might wanted to enjoy being with your mother before they died or seeing your father before he left for the Army.

I also enjoyed how you rhymed some of the words in this poem to create a mood of this poem. You wanted the reader to understand how the person in this poem might have felt since they were upset that life had to go to quickly and only got a few snapshots of the memories they had, and as they grow older they look back at this snapshots in their hands and remember what they might did.

Farewell,
CapitalMonday

Wow. I am in pure amazement! Perfect job with this poem. It captures the sadness and depression in the rough spots of life. It shows us that we don't have forever to do what we want and we need to take action. I think you did an amazing job, I am just shocked on how great of a job you did to capture the rough parts in our lives that we all go through.

Hey there, I don't usually review poems but I'll give it my best shot!

I like how you pair two things up and give them that sense of relationship and conveyed the conflict between the two. However I don't quite get the part where you said "And for every heart, there is another". perhaps reword it along the lines of "And for every heart, another's broken"?

Also for the last lines "That's only ours, truly forever", what's "That's" refer to? Is it the moment which doesn't last forever. There's a slight confusion for me there and it sort of makes the ending a little weird. Try perhaps changing "That's" to "Time", to make the last line flow better as you want to describe it as being in that "forever" state.

Overall this poem is really good! Just reword it a little and consider how the different words interact with each other to form meaning and really give the poem that life and depth it needs.

Hope my review helped!

Yeah nice,Like how you used a concept of ying and yang.Now here are some suggestions
so you can make your poem GREAT.You could describe more "For every lonely child there is a bonding mother",That could help. You could also decide on an emotional tone sad or uplifting,"And for every life one other dead".Followed by "And for every heart there is another".Confuses emotions.Like your lines they flow good.