My Ghost

The word-choice of the poem is nice, and the first stanza is my favorite of the two. The rhyming in the second stanza, as I see people have said, is too vastly different from the first. The second and fourth line of the second stanza pair well together because of the common number of syllables. Good work, it was a nice read.

The poem is short but as far as my concern it really does not matters on how long or short the poem is.
If your rhyming the poem you need to rhyme in entire poem
in this way

A
B
A
B

OR
A
A
B
B

OR
A
B

Anways,
In the first stanza you havent used any rhymes
but in second stanza the last two lines you have rhymed toast and ghost.

And then you added a line down
where were you/
This Does Not Make any sense
Im not saying its bad but i really appreciate your work
Though short it conveys a sweet message but a poem must be more in poetic language
So Keep Going¬
Keep Practicing.
Thats All I Can Say

The bluntness of the poem is wonderful. Though, the rhyming adds a type of cuteness to it that may not b what you want. I suggest, to have a consistent tone, try to use words that dont ryhme and perhaps pay more attention to the meter of it. Like, make it iambic or one of the other stress schemes.

Hey there, Aaron,

To be completely honest, I don't think rhyme is doing you favors in this poem. I feel from this that you probably have a significant message to convey to your audience, but you are holding yourself back by limiting yourself to words that only rhyme. That's not to say that one cannot achieve an excellent poem with rhyme; I just feel that here you have so little bit of space for elaboration.

The ending to this poem is disappointingly abrupt, dear. I'll be the first to admit that I am one of the most picky people you will ever encounter about the ends of poems (I can't stand the way Khalil Gibran and Edgar Alan Poe ended some of my favorite works by them respectively), but here I just feel like it's in a hurry to wrap this poem up and move on. Sometimes the best way to explore your ideas is to slice them open and examine the guts of your story before you on paper and rearrange it until you like the picture it makes.

Hope that was a tiny bit helpful?

June

Short and sweet and to the point. I don't believe a poem has to have a certain length as long as it has meaning. This poem has meaning. I enjoyed it. It was easy to understand and it all flowed so nicely. I also liked the little rhyming that went on throughout the poem.

This is very short. Maybe tooo short. I dont think you expressed yourself as much as you couldve. Its good, but you should expand it, make it longer so you have a bigger space to explain more feelings. It is actually good. Keep writing and never give up.

hey there i loved your poem ..i could tell you really what you where writting..

I love how short is, simple and sweet I also like the ryhm sheme, how the pattern is there but less discernable, like its somewhere inbetween free verse and a structured poem. I'm also glad that you divided them into quatrains, so we can read it more easily. I know the formatting for this website can sometimes get whacky :/ I also love the last line, how it is bitter and accusing hut also rather plaintive.

This is so great. It sort of gave me chills because it reminded me of when my father passed away. Anyways I loved it. I wish I was so poetic and creative as you. It could have been longer and explained a little more but other than that... Amazing!(:

Hi there, my friend.

I thought, uh, I'd review this for you, so I'm here.

Alright, so I've read another poem by you, and while reading both of them, I had the same thought~ Your poetry is organized, the punctuation is well placed, and the flow is neat. Those are very important things, because they make your piece uniform and more professional (and the more professional you are, the more seriously they will take you and your writing).

However, I feel like your poem lacks something... It has meat, no doubt, because the content is there and it's clear... Although, I think what it missing here is some seasoning! You need to pour some condiments in your verses. And by that I mean that it would be excellent if you could take your thoughts and convert them into rhetorical figures, add more imagery, and things like that. Make this something that is head-tilting and entertaining... In other words, show us how you can see the world! I believe you can do it. And I'm pretty sure your readers would appreciate it.

I think that's pretty much all I had to say. xD Hopefully, I expressed myself clearly. However, feel free to poke me if you have any questions.

~Sol Valeria

It was kinda weird reading you poem. I felt like i'd stopped in time to see darkness around me. Its not the best but a very good poem.