The Lingering of Lust

hey!

what a sexy poem you have written. great work. i love the emotions hidden inside this poetry. you used the correct words in correct places. you made justice with your title by adding lots of vocabulary.

"A pretty girl is in sight, voluptuous curves and all, a slippery velvet dress, concaved in between both breasts, the precision of the curve in the crescent at her breasts tempting the thirsty,"

this line tells everything. few more lines i liked most.

overall, very sexy, mellifluous and good work. keep writing.

I feel like, for a poem, your setances/lines are too long and you can easily have several linebreaks there and have stanzas instead. For example:
Instead of

The creeping death of lust, lingers behind the needy,

The trick of a shadow shelters the demons packed with desire, that circle the weak and vulnerable,

Walk away? No one cannot, to remain? No one cannot,

Hello!
The use of imagery in this piece is fantastic! The use of different sense works well too.
One major thing that caught my eye was the use of color and it really painted the poem into a beautiful piece of art.
One idea for refining your works is to tighten your sentence structure a bit. My eyes literally trailed back and forth from left to right which kind of disoriented the piece. Maybe this is just because of my wide screen lol, but I see parts of the longer lines that could be cut in half to expand and form stronger stanzas.
Keep up the great work!

Hey there!! This is one of the most beautiful works that I have read so far. I highly appreciate this poem. It was interesting, it kept me hooked! The title too was very apt! I loved the way you described how everything happens and how one cannot control himself. That part was very very well explained by you!

"demons packed with desire"

I see you used alliteration here and i loved it! You told almost everything in this short poem which made it so complete! Now some things that need attention. First you used two words that according to me don't exist: concaved and captivatingly. Using such words is fine due to poetic license but you could have capitalized or put them in commas or could have written them like this: concave-ed and captivating-ly. But it's fine! No one notices so much! And the spelling you used of center in the second last line should be not CENTRE but CENTER i think. I also think you could have divided your work in stanzas. I have done that below:


"The creeping death of lust,
lingers behind the needy,

The trick of a shadow shelters the demons
packed with desire,
that circle the weak and vulnerable,

The sight of a blood red rose triggers the worst,
it lures those into the depths of seduction,
the taste, the cherry smell, the warmth of human flesh;
it cannot be ignored,

A pretty girl is in sight,
voluptuous curves and all,
a slippery velvet dress, concaved in between both breasts,
the precision of the curve in the crescent at her breasts
tempting the thirsty,

Her captivatingly horrific gaze begs for a victim,
knowing she’ll ensnare the foolish in the twisted company of arousal,
Walk away? No one cannot, to remain? No one cannot,

Enter the labyrinth of physical yearning,
and the essence and scent of romantically,
warm blood will stick to you like the reek of garlic,
but the smell will deceive you,
as it will have the addictive aroma that violet cologne provides,

Lust will slowly drag one into the centre of the flame,
the furiously fiery substance of power, control and pleasure,

One can barely resist the temptation,
for the blasphemous craving for sickly concupiscence."

But overall your work is really really good! I totally loved it!! One could only notice those flaws if he/she reads it very carefully!

Great work!

Keep writing!

Best of luck!

Cheers,

Shiksha!