Life

Very, very well done. I wouldnt worry about your seeming pretentious. Any work that is explicitly wrestling with life is unwaveringly tagged as pretentious by some, but this piece is well done--you avoided that altogether. Well done.
Comma at the end? Nit pick, sorry, it just bothered be a bit.
Love the word 'clandestine'!
I would rework the phrase, "decide in what way you perceive this questionable existence we live in," It seems a bit shaky.
Great poem overall! I really enjoyed it. It nudged the reader along your train of thought without forcing it. A Hemingway-style poetry, if thats possible .

Hey there, Legible! I'm here to repay you with the two reviews that your Secret Santa didn't give you! Sorry about that, but they're here now~ Better late than never, right? Merry Christmas, and I'll hope over to one more piece after this one!

So, pondering the meaning of life, eh? It's a REALLY REALLY BIG question, one that requires a heck of a lot of philosophy that can be confusing or mind-boggling for some readers. Because of that, I'd recommend one thing for your future experiments in pondering the meaning of life. xD Use images. You mentioned we glance at every object in sight. We take in all the things around us, mostly through sight, but also through sound and touch and smell and taste! When you evoke these senses, the readers access the parts of their brains used to imagine those sensations, which I think is probably pretty close to the parts where they feel them. In any case, it reminds them that they are in their physical bodies and gives them an anchor to hold on to while the other parts of their mind wander off to ponder with you in your philosophy.

I also really like the point you brought in about how the dead don't require consciousness, and I think it's worth pursuing the thought that you think dead are the final judges of us as we live. I'd also ask, based on my proposal before, whether someone would be aware of their existence if all senses (sound, sight, smell, taste, feel) were taken from them. Would they be alive?

Also, please be careful of your sentence construction. When in doubt, break your sentences down smaller. For example, your last sentence seems to just go on and on and on, even with a comma at the end of the piece instead of a period. You might instead write:

The point to life's mystery is incomprehensible. Why bother living when being dead won't even require consciousness at all? No one will have to worry. No one will know how. Think about our purpose. Make the right choices. Decide in what way you perceive this questionable existence we live in. Find the beauty in this clandestine world.

I love the stream of consciousness vibe I am picking up from this poem. The structure is very loose, and the topic is intriguing. I think the content, although complex and wild, could have been better controlled. Maybe controlled is not the right word, I might mean to say refined or something of the like. It just becomes a little convoluted and then it is hard to identify a specific point. I believe you establish your own conclusion/point at the end of the piece with the "It's beautiful" line. While that was a tidy button, it was abrupt and I was still disoriented by the previous material. I had to read it a few times in order to draw my own conclusions, is what I'm saying. I liked it a lot though. This format is reminiscent of a rant, which I appreciate. Continue to create! I enjoyed this.

I have to admit it is really good. It makes me remember how much I loved writing poetry.

Okay...so I am not the best person to ask to edit poetry, but I have decided that I can try.

I think that this is a good little rant. All writers need a rant at some point in their career. I would say however that you need to work on your grammar and spacing. I know that the grammar in poetry is different, however, the reader still has to be able to understand. There were so many commas, that it was hard to follow. If you like all of the commas, then you can go ahead and keep them, but I would suggest either changing the ones in the middle of a sentence to periods or semi-colons or creating a new stanza every time you have a comma to end a thought.

Also, take a look again at your line spacing. Was it intended for two of the stanzas to have two lines and the rest to have one? And you missed a space between " 'glories' " and "why come and go".

You are getting your thoughts on paper, which is what I often encourage people to do. With a few changes to your spacing and punctuation, it would make this poem a lot easier to read and understand. Keep writing!

this poem is very helpful because I am writing a poem and this can give me very good ideas for my next poem.

I like how you used asked question and then answered them in a way of poem.



I just like it so much.



Happy Writing!!!