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18+ Language Violence Mature Content


by Legibletext

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.

Deborah cost two-hundred, that was what she was worth. As she gave oral pleasure to her regular Mr Groydon how dull from two streets away. To distract herself from the dreary boredom of it all, she dreamily fantasised about the freedom she could have, if just once someone smiled at her sincerely. Just once, someone admired her as a person rather than an object.

She waited outside the Doctor’s office, she was going to receive her fortnightly injection and check-up, to see if she had contracted anything. She had been lucky in the past, but this time she hoped she wasn’t. She prayed that something could come up that would give her a reason not to dirty herself more with the men she slept with.

His house overlooked a lush green mountain that blocked the comforting view of a small town that begged to be loved. Although the mountain was beautiful, thought Rob, the town could be equally as special, for he knew absolutely nothing about it. Rob, a pale skinned, charming introvert. A man who loves the simple pleasures in life; writing under the sun, indulging himself in the opportunities of the world and simply smiling each day appreciating what he has. He looked up into the dying glimmer of the sun, and winced gleefully this town has something to offer I’m sure.

The doctor, the only doctor in this small town of Nowhere, stuck a few needles in her arm, and sat at a computer waiting for the biweekly results to process. She hoped to God it was cancer. Good Lord please let it be cancer.

Now every evening before he retreated to his bungalow for some writing, Rob would stroll on down the hill. He would face the splendour evoking mountain, and trek towards the town to investigate its humble attractions and interesting traits. The last three nights had resulted in him becoming acquainted with some old folk who had lived in their tiny cottages for some forty years. They hadn't grown tired of its serenity. He also went in to an old Cafe, verging on empty a part from two quiet regulars who each had their own role to play. There was an old man in a wheelchair, who just sat at his table listening to his radio while drinking black, sugarless tea, and the housewife who cleansed her day with the small charms of a hot beverage and a quiet rest from home. Rob keenly observed the simplistic nature of these people, these locals who he perceived as gentle, ultimate life explorers. Such small prospects in life, but such rewarding results. That evening, over a dull black coffee, he engaged rather quirkily with the two regulars and asked them with fascination are you happy here?

She had lain in bed waiting to disintegrate into meaningless dust as she had been told she had contracted HIV. The test results came back last week, testing positive. The doctor encouraged her to treat it. Jeff had rang her repeatedly. Her mobile chimed constantly, deafening her to insanity. Her voicemail went off eventually; Hey Deb, I know there are lots of guys out their in need of some pussy, so get the hell out there and do what you do best, or I'll be an unhappy man. You know what I am like when I'm unhappy. She lay still in her bed, in complete apathy. She struggled to even cry with fear, because she felt little of it at this point. But she had sense, and sense told her to ‘give them what they wanted’ and increase her chance of sickness rather than be raped and mutilated at the hands of her boss. She wasn’t going to die that way. Not with him getting that satisfaction he desired. She struggled out of bed, and practically limped without a care in the world towards the door of her motel room, leading her into the empty prospects of Nowhere.

He had taken a liking to the Cafe in Nowhere, and each evening brought his writing material with him, where he could work on it while he drank his tasteless black coffee in harmony. As he drank his tar like beverage, an intriguing spectacle of a woman caught his attention . There was nothing physically, sexually appealing about her. For he had never expressed such a fondness for anyone in that regard. He was simply moved by her somber presence, the glimpse became an official viewing on his own behalf, as he watched her traipse up and down the sidewalk, leaking her fragility to every man in passing. She fondled them with her unpleasant touch, pleading for something; sex, or a job. Finally acknowledging his, what may appear as odd behaviour, he removed himself from his seat and exited the café to see to the woman in whatever way he could. Without going to bed with her of course.

She stood still, leaning all her weight on her left foot, struggling to stand in her broken high heels. Behind her a man reached out to gently grasp her shoulder. She turned reflexively “ I charge by the hour” The man taken aback by her aggression nodded nervously in declination of her offer. “ I don’t seek to sleep with you, I just want to talk.” She was immediately stunned by the unique approach that a man had taken to engaging with her, it had been so long since someone had shown at least an ounce of respect for her existence. “ Why would you want to just, talk? “ she queried, confused and breathless with shock and thankful emotion, the man smiled and leaned slowly towards her. He signaled her with his eyes that he only wanted to help, and he placed his hand against her upper back and led her into the café, where they could sit together and converse about anything. “ I looked at you, and saw something beyond what is external".

And those words began to liberate her from her grief.

He lay next to her on the couch in his bungalow opposite the mountain, his arm around her, cuddling her with all the love he could give. She retaliated with tender pecks to his upper arm, nuzzling him like a puppy, embracing the protection he offered. This is what it was. They cuddled. No more, no less. They had talked, and felt each other’s warmth for months now, and she was ready to be with him forever. If only I could kiss him passionately she thought, a thought that hadn’t crossed her mind about another person before. But she knew him, she knew his discomfort with physical expressions of love. He cradled warmth and soft touch with endearment, but no further could he go with such expression, for it betrayed the truth to his nature. “ I don’t know why you and I met, but I am glad we did.” He smiled, and gave way to the tingly emotional feelings inside his chest. “ You are very special."

He liked to hold her gently, he liked to protect her from the savagery of her life. He had spoken to her once, and could never stop. She shed tears before him, declared her deepest regrets, as did he. He had never felt so whole in his life. He knew his feelings for her were complete, in his idea of love. But he could sense that she felt a piece was missing to their relationship.

Each time she held him, she wanted to go further. She wanted to caress his body with her fingertips, and deliver him the pleasure, that for once, she too could feel. She wanted to give him her love, the only way she knew how. They held each other; he liked it, stroking her shoulder sweetly with his thumb. She pushed herself against him, inhaling and exhaling profusely with passion. She gazed deep into his eyes, intoxicated by his very presence. She longer she looked at him, the stronger the temptation to take him became. She let out a struggling heavy breath and buried her face into his neck, gripping his body tightly. He stopped stroking her, “Stop. Please stop.” He was distressed by this, and retreated to the window where he could look out at the sky and escape. She was defeated, on the couch. Weeping to herself in silence, slowly collapsing into the grief she had previously been smothered in. “ You love me, you told me. I love you too, and I want to show it.” Although he didn’t intend to, he began to cry. Cry with guilt for her unfortunate position. He leaned against the window and sobbed. “ I can’t tell you how much you mean to me. I don’t want to hurt you.” She moved slowly towards him, and rested her head on his right shoulder.

“ I just don’t understand”

“I don’t expect you to understand.”

“ I just wish I could love you. Show you.”

“ I can’t. I don’t feel it.”

“ Can you try?”


They remained side by side, together in silence, for the next hour.

“ I know you love me, but I just wish I could really feel it.”

Her face was wet with salty water, and stained with redness.

Rob was left to think, unsure of where to go with his usually collected thoughts.

" I wish I could show you, just for you. Just once."

" I wish you could to. I love you."

Her confession confirmed his guilt of being unable to give her pure intimacy.

Rob. Naked in his bed, stiff, not a muscle moving. He had never been mentally paralysed before, unable to rationalise with the intense feelings that can accompany humanity. It was guilt. Pure guilt that overrode him with failure. He led her on, what a monster he had been to have led her on. He had tried to make love with her. He went so far as to strip his clothes and….do what a man does when making love. It felt so wrong. She felt right, but it felt wrong. He had dived into her eyes with his, searching for a distraction to the foreign experience he was having, that was all for her. Deborah. He urged her to stop, and she, so crushed with hurt, fled instantaneously, leaving him to lay there shamefully, to enthralled with anger to console her.

The lukewarm water of the bathtub was the only relaxant now to her miseries, she bathed in the last of the warmth that existed in her life. She tried to wish she'd never loved him, but she couldn't without bawling in horror. Overcome by her deep feelings for him, she had momentarily lost the memory of the illness that was eating her away. She burst into tears I have shared my loathsome nature to the purest man i know. She had come to her decision, she could not stop loving him, but nor could she go on loving him, at least not in the place she was; she did not want him to feel guilt for her, because she believed he didn't deserve it. She withdrew the razor, and identified the veins on both her wrists, pulsing with the shattered passion she felt for that one man who had seemed to care. “ I love you".

He found her dead in the bathtub of her motel room. In the doorway, motionless, jaw agape. He was standing dead, in reflection of his love. That was all he could do, until he broke. He did break, a good hour after being still. He fell to the floor, dragged himself like a wounded soldier across the floor to the bloodied bath that she sank in. He felt her skin, stone cold, sticky with blood. He slipped into the bath, careful not to hurt her, and he rocked her in his arms.

“ I wish you understood, I wish you understood.” He mourned.

He didn’t want to write anymore, drink coffee anymore or walk anymore. Who needs sunset, it’s just science. Light. Light that will one day die because of us. How sad, and cruel the world is. Pathetic are the people who roam it. He was sick, growing skinny. For the past few mornings since Deborah took her life, he had stayed in bed until noon, forgetting to eat until just before bed again. He was weakening each day, growing thin. He had caught the flu, and it hadn't healed.

 Another three weeks had passed, and he wasn't cured. He hadn’t left the bungalow. His neighbour had been minding him, though he still felt lost and secluded. I could’ve just pretended to enjoy it. "I did love you,” his throat tightened. His body was deteriorating slowly, but he didn’t care.

He just didn’t care.

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User avatar
19 Reviews

Points: 777
Reviews: 19

Sun Apr 27, 2014 1:42 am
GDrama97 wrote a review...

This is very heartwarming story showing us how people can love one another in different ways. It is very sad that the guy loved her but didn't want to admit it. As a result, she had to resort to killing herself. I mean come on at least they should talked it over or something. This is welll written with little to no errors. The plot is amazing and well constructed. Just be careful with some of your sentences like the last one He still had the flu, another three weeks had passed. Maybe just add something before the three weeks had past to make it flow better. Just be careful with punctuation and grammar. Over a very nice piece. I really liked it. Keep up the good work.

User avatar

Points: 395
Reviews: 2

Sat Apr 19, 2014 2:15 pm
dreamgurll says...

That was the saddest thing I have ever read. They loved each other. But the guy didn't want to admit it. And then she killed herself?! I cried. I literally cried. This is so good. Don't change a thing. If you ever did, it wouldn't be as good. But still. I loved this story and continue to write!!! :)

User avatar
39 Reviews

Points: 685
Reviews: 39

Sat Apr 19, 2014 5:16 am
liveandbreathewords wrote a review...

"As she gave head to her regular Mr Groydon how dull from two streets away."

I know the italics are her thoughts, but you might want to put dashes or something to separate her thoughts from the rest of the sentence.

Also, you might want to put something to signal that the POV is changing; it is clear in the beginning, but towards the middle/end it got a bit confusing as to whose POV it was. Other than that, it was very well written!

I can't find much else to nitpick at. I just-this was just so great. I loved it, and it actually made me cry it was so good.

Your story was beautiful and sad all at the same time, and I really hope that you write more.

Keep writing!

Legibletext says...

Oh my god, I can't believe I made you cry! I will try and fix up the unclear bits, but thank you for appreciating it. Means a lot :)

You are welcome! And I'm not someone to tell someone they have a talent when they don't--you are a great writer! Keep at it!

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212 Reviews

Points: 13620
Reviews: 212

Fri Apr 18, 2014 5:01 pm
birk wrote a review...

Hey Legible!

This was a pretty interesting read, and it was very well written. There were a few things I could comment on though, so I'm here to hand out some criticism...and some praise.

As I said, it is fairly well written and has very little grammatical errors. However, I had some issues following how the story played out as well as the pacing.

Now, you obviously had to tag this work 18+, but the thing is; it was completely unnecessary. All the more adult oriented aspects of your story can easily be written much more pg and it would still keep all of it's themes. In fact, I think it's inclusion detracts from the overall piece.

Your first paragraph is a terrible introduction to a pretty good short. There is a whole bunch of ways you could let the reader know about her profession and her feelings of it. You could write it in a more poetic way as often used, or just be more straigthforward. What you did however, reads more forced.

The rest of the story is very good. The subject and the plot of these two people trying to connect is very interesting. The way it is written makes it a bit hard to follow though. It jumps around a bit uncohesively.

For instance; As Deborah is waiting for her results, you suddenly trail the story over to the doctor and how he often explores the countryside. Then when we return to Deborah, it is at a later time and she is in her motel room. Especially weird as it seems like they were both waiting for the results.

I was also waiting for love to clash between these two people. But I was waiting for the guy to show up. To my surprise, the guy is actually the doctor. When Rob exits the cafe to talk to her on the street, it's as if they've never met. Yet, they have obviously met before. He's her doctor. There is no mention of this fact.

The romance between the two I have trouble buying as well. You even wrote yourself that he wasn't interested in her in a romantic way, but then right after this and their meeting, they are cuddling in bed together? I know a lot of time has gone by and they can develop feelings for each other, but I'd rather he just tried to help her.

Aside from these small issues, the overall story is very good.

I'll write as I go along:


This really stands out in the piece. Maybe update it a bit? How about 'biweekly'?

soil herself with the filth of the men the men she slept with.
Wrote something twice there. And you have some issues with past/present tense here and there.

had lived in their tiny cottage for some

They could obviously have several cottages, but I'm guessing you only meant one here.

nearly verging on empty apart from two

are you happy here in Nowhere?

You capitalize this everywhere else, so I suppose this is actually the name of the town. I like it. Forgot to capitalize this one though.

Her voicemail went off eventually; it was her Pimp.

Alright, I said you could just do a few edits and you wouldn't need your high rating, right? Well, this is the second place you could easily edit. First off, this small mountain town doesn't seem like a place that would inhabit that much prostitution, much less a pimp. Most prostitutes work solo and few have pimps. In fact, in these modern times I'd say Craigslist is the biggest pimp out there.

And secondly, his dialogue here is really funny. He talks as if he's come straigth out of a ghetto film. Doesn't feel real at all.

and practically limped without a care in the world towards the door

Why is she limping?

and now each evening he brought his writing material with him,
This line still reads a bit off. The entire sentence could use a rewrite.

As I'm reading through this, I'm really loving all the imagery you write into your paragraphs. A lot of it is really poetic, and I like it. I wish you wrote your opening paragraph in a similar way instead of being so frank.

the needs of this woman.


thankful emotion, as the man smiled and leaned slowly

Despite not being too fond of how you suddenly jump to their troubled relationship right after they get together. The way you write their issues are fantastic! I love their interactions and how their emotions doesn't connect. Great!

The lukewarm water of the bathtub exasperated the tainted heat that scarred Deborah’s body with love.
What? Not sure I quite understand this line.

She had had to love.

No, I'd rewrite this. It reads terrible.

The scenes after he finds her dead is again fantastic. You bring so much emotion to these passages. Though it's hard to understand exactly why Rob was acting this way, you give a good POV for him afterwards. His view of the world has changed.

Alright, that's pretty much all I have to say about this short. It has some issues, but overall it's a great short story. Your strongest points are definately the relationship you set out to write.

This is the first I've read by you Legible, and by the looks of it you probably have a lot of previous works that are definately worthy to check out. And hopefully new ones as well. ;)

Keep it up!


Legibletext says...

Thanks Birkhoff! I appreciate the criticism, it really helped. However, just on that Doctor pick up...this might seem awkward, but Rob actually isn't the Doctor? Hehe, I suppose that could work though. And they cuddle in bed because Rob likes the romantic and emotional element to their love, but he is uncomfortable with going further. He is asexual, that's my approach to the character.

birk says...

Oooh, now it makes more sense! I'm sorry.

His house overlooked a lush green mountain

Right before this paragraph where you bring Rob into the story, she is waiting outside the Doctor's office. I naturally assumed he was the doctor, I liked that it was a town where you went to the doctor's home.

But yeah, misinterpreted that part. ;)

The only person I know for certain I am better than is the person I used to be.
— CandyWizard