I want to set your blood on fire. And watch
the flames lick your body as I kiss
[with a little too much tongue, if we're honest]
I want to bite tally marks into your spine, slip
my hands into the holes my embers leave
[making sure to dig the words I regret out of your ribs]
I want to watch you burn, slowly
while smoke curls off your eyelashes
[I could die from all the second hand smoke I inhale]
I want to leave my mark on you. On your
toes, lips and ears. My words burnt into every part of you
[I won't leave a stone unturned]
I want you to be a pile of ashes, that I can
blow into the wind, and watch disappear for good
[And hope your whispers follow]
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,733 Reviews
Dear SparkToFlame,
Wow!!! This is so good! After a rather long leave of absence from YWS it was nice to come back and find something truly exceptional in the featured.
I love how you were so serious and then added on an after thought in the way you did. It didn't really fit with the other words, however that was clearly the point. It made the character more human like and gave more depth.
The relation to fire was scalding-ly perfect. (okay, that was pathetic, no more fire puns for cam) But honestly, it was all perfect I could not find one section that seemed to fit awkwardly or did not flow flawlessly in the piece.
The words themselves were also extremely relatable and I know a few people I could say this to.
Overall, AMAZING job. Keep up the great work
--Cam
powerful. and amazing.
"I want to set your blood on fire. And watch
the flames lick your body as I kiss" I love this sentence. It is such a strong start that REALLY made me want to read more.
I am a little confused and drawn back from the poem however because of the sentence is the square brackets []. To me the poem is so affluent until these little side note style sentences, to me it really put a strain on the poem because everything else seem so intellectually written, and this seems to be like a raunchy voice speaking on the side.
Overall I really loved the poems message and tone, and I can't wait to read more from you!
From,
WelcomingException
OOoooooookay! I adore your poem! It's so descriptive and it's easy to imagine, even though you don't give way too much detail, which is amazing! It's descriptive, but the reader still has room for there little imagination to explode!
I'm not grammar nit picker because well I'm not an expert with that myself (well in my punctuation skills at least 
) Any way I really enjoyed reading what hides between your brackets (that was a weird sentence, but hey let's go with it!) It kind of reminds me of my type of music, when you hear the main vocalist and in the background it's echoing, or whispering (yeah right more like screaming XD) in the background but with a different phrase... which is kind of what I got from reading your B E A UUUUUUTIFUL poem!
It could also be a some type of "I'm claiming you as my own" kind of thing too X) (that was very strange)
Stay awesome and Rock on Spark!! XD
I want to set your blood on fire. And watch
the flames lick your body as I kiss
[with a little too much tongue, if we're honest]
This stanza (is that what its called?) *shrugs* was amazing! First off I liked how you described the flames licking the persons body, which I'm guessing you mean the emotional heat, and rapture between the two, it could also be angry also hmmmm ....
My words burnt into every part of you
I imagined a gravestone, like how the words are engraved upon the stones back, I don't know why, I just have a very dark imagination, but I got what you were saying don't worry!
I want you to be a pile of ashes, that I can
blow into the wind, and watch disappear for good
[And hope your whispers follow]
This was a great way to end the poem, leaving the reader on edge is a very good technique because well this makes the reader actually start thinking about what they just read and experienced... they will try to figure out the emotions, because it could be a hate or love maybe even both... [And hope your whispers follow] just astonishing it blew me away. I didn't help much I know, but I thought it would be nice to let out some positive feedback, there was nothing really wrong with it it was different and that's why I enjoyed it! Thanks for sharing this I can't wait to see some more of your writing!