when i was little i threw pennies in every wishing well I passed
and i watched as the coins sunk to the bottom,
pulled down by gravity.
the older i got, the faster i got yanked away
my mother didn't like that i was fascinated by the way the water sucked my little
wishes down to the bottom of the pool that was coated with copper dreams.
one day i threw a dollar bill in, and it didn't sink right away.
it floated around, a little boat on a frothy sea
and my father made me reach in and take it back out,
"no wasting money, lily".
i never threw anything into a wishing well again
but every time i pass one i think about all those little wishes that i threw away
and wonder whatever happened to hope and pennies turned to
desperation and dollar bills, wrinkled into a soggy ball.
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This is a nice poem. Yet, your lines are a bit off. I feel like they should be spilt off at different parts. Other than that, you wrote a really good poem. It made me rethink my own childhood and my dreams. I thought of my dead dreams and wishes and my new ones. It probably helped me out in my own life. Just reading this makes my day a bit better. It makes me want to pursue my dreams. Thanks for inspiring me, I guess.
I also like that you kept the lower case letters beginning your lines constant throughout your whole poem. It really made it work. I usually go for capitalization at the beginning of each of my sentences, but you made this work.
I think that the lower case letters work because in the poem you're mentioning yourself as a child. I think that works well with what your writing, if you know what I mean. Anyway, good work and keep at it!!
Hi babe! ^^ You and your poems. I'm envious of you. x)
I feel like the "i" isn't necessary here. This might flow a lot easier without it.
Instead of the second "i got", consider spicing it up? Try out "the faster i was yanked away" on for size.
This sentence is awkward to me. Instead, try "Don't waste money, Lily." and yes, I did capitalize Lily because my inner Nazi is crying from the lack of capitals. ._.
Okay, so I adore you and your love for Pennys and poems with Pennys(ies) in them. *points to NaPo thread* x)
While I find this to be a very very good poem, I do think you could have highlighted the narrator's emotions and wishes more. What did she wish for? Why? How did it make her feel when it didn't come true? Where is the transition from child to adult, and the loss of innocence? How does losing hope make her feel? I feel like this painted a nice story from a side observer's point of view. It feels detached for the narrator's point of view. I want to know more about her, I want to connect with her, and I want to feel sympathy and empathy and all in between for her.
But other than that, beautiful poem. Something that we can all relate to, for we all believed, as children, that a simple penny could make any wish come true. This poem highlights the realization that, as we grow up, a copper penny and a closed-eyed wish won't make a difference in the world. And thus hope is lost.
Overall, a lovely poem, as always. <3 you Sparkles.
~Iggy
Thank you darling! I think I mainly didn't put what the wanted in there because I wanted her to feel... very cold and far away? An empty shell almost? Anyway, ilu
Hi, Em101cats is here to review!
! Wishing wells, hopes, dreams and despairs in one poem is a great way to get deep inside and fetch those feelings. Letting them flow into a poem is what poems are for, and you really put meaning into this one 
What an inspirational little poem this is
Nitpicks:
The period in between "pennies" and "and" should probably be a comma, the way you have the words put.
A lot of "I"'s were not capitalized.
Lily and no should be capitalized, and the period should be in the quotation marks, not out. I know that this poem is probably meant to have no capital letters, but when saying names and the word "I," you have to have them in there anyway.
Other than those nitpicks, I loved EVERYTHING else about the poem! Sorry if I sounded mean about the errors. Trust me, I want to see you improving, and showing you the errors you've made is only meant to help you
Keep up the great work!!!!! Can't wait to see more from you.
~Em101cats~
This poem has good content, but you could work on your capitalization. I can't tell if it's meant to be all lowercase or not. I like the introspective tone of it throughout. Good work!
Edit: Ugh, sorry, I double posted. I'm still new here. Sorry about that!
the poem is supposed to be all lower case.
Okay, thanks for clarifying, there was one capital "I" that kind of threw me off.