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138,206 Literary Works • 672,082 Reviews
I felt that this is quite a powerful piece. It demonstrates emoition and deals with something that a little of lovely ladies deal with when they are younger and even and espicially as they progress through life. It is hard to deal with, but each act of unkindness makes you stronger as a person and teaches you how to deal with it. I would love to see you incorporate that theory in there somehow. Maybe in the ending, it could mention something along the lines of explaining how that isnt going to hold you back and how you grew from it, etc.
Just a suggestion.
I liked the repetitiveness in this poem. It showed the emotion and anger behind it. It gave it more of an attitude, if you will. I think that the topic is something wonderful and inspiring to write about because it gives women such an advantage in the range of poetry. It could be something classical and depressing or it could be something that shows the strength you've gained from the expierence.
Whatever you choosse to do with the poem...I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. If you have any questions feel free to message me.
-Lexi
I'm not commenting on the poem itself I am more commenting on the actual words...
Hiding that you're a woman isn't something that people do these days, society accept woman for who they are. This sort of thing doesn't really occur in the era today.
Are you complaining that you have breasts? That's what I got from this paragraph anyway, saying that it seems like this poem is more you complaining about being a woman and wanting to be a boy...
Being called lazy and week isn't exactly because you're a woman... It may be because you are actually lazy and weak like men can be too. So I don't think this is a gender type thing.
Being hit is also not a gender thing, if you happened to be a man you might of been hit anyway, it's not exactly determined because you are a woman. Also even you admitting that the cooking remarks are jokes, you know that they are only making these jokes because of the past tense actions of which woman did for their man. And saying that you know it is a joke so how is it an attack on your heart...?
This seems like you are learning that your not just their for having babies etc. but this isn't because your a woman..? I just don't see why you are blaming everything because you are a woman..
The thing your father did was hit you, that's the only thing you told us he did to you, and how do you know he did this because you're a woman? Every girl should have their rights and in todays society people are trying to make it happen! But it sounds like you're still in the past. I also want you to know that I'm not attacking you with all the questions I just didn't understand why you wrote a poem on things that occur in your life and blaming them on being a woman.
But other that that, I do like this poem because it does show someones experience or opinions on the matter, it's well written also. Well done and good luck in the future.
,writingaway
Puhreach! (That was my attempt at being ghetto=]) Anyway, I think this is really good. It really gives people the inside of what its like being a woman growing up. I don't think I'd change anything with it. It had really nice rhythm, which is always great. =] I think your word choice was a bit eery at times, but thats just me I guess. This was really lovely though. I thoroughly enjoyed it =]
Appreciation is in due to this. Nice. Great job but I thought that there wasn't an ending. I mean I just feel like you should have made it feel like an ending. Sorry this is kind of confusing. But it feels like it wasn't long enough or that the ending should be more definite. Keep it up and always be proud.
I really liked this poem and I agree with the above comment: Girl Power!!!
because that's the stereotype I'd LOVE to crush and dig up in a grave. I like your choice of word there- 'accessory'. Nice!I simply love the message brought across and I think eventhough the world is changing, things like these 'female stereotypes' are never put aside. It's annoying.
My favorite line was :
Though it is a shame that we have some women reinforcing these stereotypes thus making them true in a way. But I guess, everyone is different.
OverallLovely piece; nice rhythm, rhyme and message.
Keep writing!
Kat! *snugs* This is me pillaging your poem.
Okay, I probably won’t actually pillage your poem but I do want to point out a few little nitpicks first and foremost.
“With every” use of “with every” it feels a little repetitive. No offense. But repetition, although powerful, is very difficult to pull off well. You don’t want it to be super obvious. A good example of well executed repetition is in Walt Whitman’s “A Noiseless Patient Spider” when he uses repetition of the words “surrounded” and “filament.”
Two things. The first is that this seems a word too long. If I were you (which I am not) I would remove “biased” or “sexist.” But that’s just what I were to do were I you. Also, just a suggestion, but exclamation points can seem a bit childish or they come off as being too much. Because this is a serious poem, stick with your words, don’t rely too heavily on punctuation.
Otherwise, this is actually really well written and I think a large part of that has to do with the fact that you have a very solid, specific idea in mind. No playing around or drifting off to other things. You know what you want to say and you say it. That right there earns you major brownie points.
Anyways, Kat, best of luck! If you have any questions, just ask.
~lilymoore
YOU GO GIRL!!!!!! GIRL POWER!!!!!! I loved this poem! I'm with you girl! It all made sense, and it sends a message to all that just because we're woman, doesn't mean you can treat us like that! Keep writing!!!