The cuts in
my paper thin, paper skin
hold messages-
hollowly sliding towards my feet.
(the floor is farther down then you think)
Seems as if even I
bleed like you, bona fide.
The blind watch intently as
I give it all away.
slowly, as if time might make it stay.
Underneath it all could
show the world what it should
be if only it would
see.
Points:
Time spent:
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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140,262 Literary Works • 673,077 Reviews
This poem is cool. I especially like how you put bona fide in bold. Anyway, great poem. Keep writing these types.
I have no idea what your poem is even about. And I am sorry, it's hard to review something that I don't really understand.
Good luck, keep writing.
Silented1.
This is a great way to begin! You've got a great sense of pacing here.
I also like how you address "bona fide" almost as if it's a separate character rather than a qualifying statement.
Hey there Kat! Oh, and *jaw hits the floor*
Vasticity is right here. I mean, I hate repetition. But this just sounds cool. Almost like some lyric you would here in a Fall Out Boy song. (By the way, I love Fall Out Boy, so this is a good thing.)
I really can’t do anything except repeat what Vast said, so congrats.
~lilymoore
This is a really awesome poem. It's got great structuring, perfect rhyming, an interesting storyline, and a good beat.
Normally, I'm not a big fan of repeating words right in a row, but you made it work right here. I love this line. So keep up the good work, and keep writing!