Wisdom Told Me

I really enjoyed this! You conveyed your message very well.

Wisdom (and patience).

This part is rather awkward. I would take away the bit about patience altogether - you don't come back to it and it takes away from the flow.

You see, I may not make it to Harvard but-
(Wisdom told me my wrongs were right)

This is my favorite part. Take away the parentheses and it will be perfect. These two lines summarize my entire life right now.

Great job!

-Liz

KatTrain wrote:Wisdom.
The way your insight ignites,
school's just a launching site.
Straight path,
you choose to curve hard right.

Wisdom (and patience).
Annoying how it's acquired by
insipid books that don't lie.
God help us, who like those fiction highs,
uninterested in wisdom, though we try.

Wisdom.
But from the pictures I can recognize,
discontent in the eyes.
Knowledge didn't bring you freedom,
but to those books you hold tight.


You see, I may not make it to Harvard but-
(Wisdom told me my wrongs were right)

Sliented1 had cover everything so there's nothing for me to say. Why don't you use capital letter for every first word of a sentences. Anyway keep writing because practice makes prefect.

Good Luck,
Alicia.

KatTrain wrote:Wisdom.
The way your insight ignites,
school's just a launching site.
Straight path, I don't exactly like this, the straight path, then the curve to the right. I like the metaphor of it, but not the presentation of it's evolution or direction. You don't need to say it's a straight path if it's going to curve right, because then it's not very straight. Lol.
you choose to curve hard right.

Wisdom (and patience).
Annoying how it's acquired by
insipid books that don't lie.
God help us, who like those fiction highs,Who like those fiction highs. You should say likes, or change it around to speak more naturally and properly. Maybe if you said something like: God help us down from fiction highs. You don't need to fill in the human aspect of "Who", you already said we. That is all you need.
uninterested in wisdom, though we try. You should describe this in a simile or metaphor, something like: Wisdom is baroque music. Or something like that. The idea that it is more than just wisdom, it has a physical manifestation that we can relate it to and get a better understanding of what it is and how it works.

Wisdom. This line is unneeded.
But from the pictures I can recognize,
discontent in the eyes.
Knowledge didn't bring you freedom,
but to those books you hold tight. Nice, but if it is holding the books tightly, that means it's a good thing, or somethin that wisdom cares about, it's a bit out of place with the rest of the stanza. Maybe if you made it more able to fit in, adding some sort of action to how it's discontentful (is that a word? If not, it is now, enjoy, I hope you use it.)


You see, I may not make it to Harvard but-
(Wisdom told me my wrongs were right) There's that hard left curve and it has confused me. I am not sure what wrongs have occured in this poem because you didn't mention any. You mentioned how wisdom is trapped in a library and how it isn't in most people's interest. I don't know what you're talking about.=/

And I like how it says harvard instead of school, it makes it seem more adult like and time has passed, in a sense, showing that wisdom comes with time. Or something along those lines.

The rhyme was here and there, It was a bit iritating but not that bad. Remember that it doesn't govern your poem. Ideas first, rhyme and other mechanics second.

Good luck, keep writing.
Silented1.