A love poem for no one. It's pretty much my first love poem ever considering I really detest them. oh welll, enjoy (I hope).
In the space between my fingers
there's a feeling that seems to linger
like someone else's palm
was pressed neatly into mine.
If this stranger remembers me,
he should know my hand is lonely
tired of endless stretching
to fit a different mold.
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Hah, I'm with you on that whole "not liking love poems". I guess I'll read them, but I would never, on Heaven, Earth or Hell (not implying I believe in them, but nor do I not ;o) would I make a love poem. Haha. Just not within my drill *shakes head*.
The red lines rhyme. Those are the only ones that do, though, and it kind of made me think the rest would, but it was randomly dropped and nothing else rhymed. So, maybe this rhyme with "Fingers" and "linger" should go? Unless you're going to rhyme the other lines, but it all has to work together (rhyme won't do it all).
I liked that stanza, though, aside from the rhyme-vanishes thing. I liked what it was saying ^^
The blue line = is that the hand reaching out for people, but is tired of it? That's all I could guess. I'm not quite sure why the hand is stretching. Or were you using the word "Stretching" for something else? I think this line could be changed a bit, other than that, the last stanza is really good.
I don't view this as too much as a love poem. Not sure why. Maybe because it didn't mention the basic love stuff. XD But it was good; not that bad, also, considering it's your first. What do you usually write poems on, then, though?
First off, I love the title. Second, I love the poem, but it kind of confused me... are you trying to do a rhymey poem? It kind of sounded like it in the first stanza.... And also, it was really short, but its just as my mother says, "Short, sweet, and to the point. Thats how I like 'em." So, thats it! I really loved this poem, it tells alot without alot of words.... hmmm.... what??
Hey, I 'm new and I have little experience. I, honestly, am a little intimidated in here and do not mean to belittle anyone..
I will say I liked this poem; it was short and cute. I figured an image of your hand and theirs entwined...
-When you say "someone else's" in the third line, do you mean someone's other than your own or someone's other than this stranger?
-Did you attempt to rhyme at all? Some of it appears as so(fingers/linger, me/lonely). If so, it doesn't quite fit.
-The first two lines could flow better into the third and fourth.
-idk...another syllable could be added to the last line...?
I like this poem although slightly short but I think it works for this piece.
I like this stanza, I really like the bit about fitting into a different mould very cool.
Well done!
I like this. It's a tad short, but it's still good. I know this is hardly a review, but it's all that I have to say.
Cool poem.
-UCntCMee