For Incog and Dreamwalker's Claw against Fang: Vampires vs. Werewolves contest.
Were
Wolfsong sound sonorous over valley—
Huntingsong victory
All eat well fat warm deermeat
Tendersteaming flesh
Watch blood flow clot coagulate
Pups hungry
Nuzzle mouthcorner
Softmeat come out
Pups can eat
All good
Moonshine on valleyhome
Brightsilver high in sky run like wolfpack over darksnow
Run back to den now
Run through brightsnow turning graysnow
To little lightpoints not in darksnow
Brightsilver inside den now
Wolfone sleep now
...
Naked cold.
Panting steam.
Covered in blood.
"What have I done?"
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139,448 Literary Works • 672,565 Reviews
It's alright.
There wasn't much to it on any level though. It didn't make a ton of sense either.
It's nothing personal, but it reads like something an illiterate child would write. I'm just not a fan of the simplistic sentence fragment things like "Pups hungry/Nuzzle mouthcorner."
There's nothing that can't be fixed in writing though.
Well~ keep working on it. : D
G'luck!
It was good, but it got a little confusing. Was the point of veiw in the pups? You might want to clarify a bit.
Without punctuation the poem looks more like a list, you should add some. If you did that purposefully then you did a great job at it.
Sorry for the horrible review i am still learning.