I call to the lost:
you
who are here in either
frailest flesh or
soundless spirit, you
who are here in neither,
you who are here in both.
I call to you lost,
call to your loss,
call to you.
I call, but do you hear me
over the roar of the rending earth and
the savage snarls of the stirring sea?
I call, but do you know me
in the wake of the wave that sweeps all clean
and scours the shores of home?
I call to you,
call for you,
call for me,
for all I can do is call.
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139,447 Literary Works • 672,564 Reviews
Whoa! Now usually people read a poem and then rave about how deep and meaningful it is (Seriously people; "the Fog"? It's a stinking six lined poem about FOG!), but this poem really IS deep. The beginning, where you simply said "You" as the first line was an instant hook for me. Very dramatic. Good - no, GREAT job!
This is good, I would take out the word "For" in the last line, but overall well done
Well you need not my opinion as you have many but for what it is worth this is very simple clear yet powerful, something many can not do, so talent you do possess. Overall, goodjob.
Ooh. This poem is interesting.
Anyway, I've got only one nitpick for you:
- I think you should capitalize this...and also, to give more power to the word because it's like the starter of the poem after the first line. It's what initiated the movement of the poem.
Besides that, I really like how simple and focused and coherent this poem is. The focus is the 'call' and I like how the poem didn't leave that. Do you get what I'm saying? ('cause I'm getting confused with what I said myself lol) I mean, I like how the focus stayed on the 'call' throughout the poem. I also like how honest and direct it is.
Never stop writing!
this isn't really a review, but it's my opinion.
LOVE IT(:
and I wanted to go...
"I pick up the phone:
I say,
'Can you hear me now?' "
XD
Hi Kyll.
I’ll get straight to the point here; I don’t like this poem at all. I can see what you’re doing and how you’re doing it, but it’s not working for me at all. The repetition is frustrating to read, it takes up space and time and to little effect – I understand; the dislocation of person, space and sound and the loss connected with these terrible ideas, dislocation is always terrifying. Where is the feeling in your poem? Where is the connection between the subject, narrator and reader? I don’t feel any of either of these. I see that you’re talking about Japan (who couldn’t at the current moment in time) but what of it? It’s clearly a personal poem, one which shows a lot of insecurity and sadness on the part of the narrator and as such, I feel nothing for it. You’ve alienated your reader from your poem and your subject and I’m left completely unaffected by your words.
Cut out the middle “I call” triplet, it is doing nothing spectacular for you. I would also cut the following “I call, but” and capitalise your “Do” and consider rephrasing the “clean” at the end of the second line there, it’s suggestive of purging but also misleading. The tsunami wasn’t clean, and neither is the land it left. I like your third line, though. In your next “I call” Triplet, I’d lose the second and third “I call” and the final “for”. The poem is short, but not short enough for what I think you’re trying to do (which is minimalism).
Good luck with any revisions you make.
- Penguin.
Hi there
I like this. I like the message and theme of this particular poem.
The thing I think you could improve on is the repeat use of the phrase "I call" it get a bit boring. I think repetition can work in some poems but not in this one.
Besides that, good job.
A lot of emotion condensed into such a small number of words. Very poignant, powerful, it takes a lot to do that, and you've hit the spot. Good work.
This was great. Really liked it. At first I was like oh well, and not that interested, but the language you used was great.
I especially liked the line "in the wake of the wave that sweeps all clean" there's just something about it. The rhythm, the alliteration, the personification of the wave, a pretty masterful line.
Keep writing on, there's huge potential that you showed in this poem here.
Nice work.
Hey Ky.
Before I get into quoted comments, I'd just like to say how my favourite thing about this overall is how relatable this is. It's not just a plight for one event, but many. It's not using a single feeling but takes several and weaves them together, intensifying them in the process, until this poem reads as both hopeful (the beginning) and tragic (the end). The poem made me feel, albeit subtly, which is what I enjoyed the most.
I like the way you set up the opening line as just unique enough to catch our attention, then turn it personal (and raises a question about why "you" is lost, which acts as a hook) by switching to second person. It also ads a nice level of vagueness to the poem, which is one of the things that makes it specific yet general at the same time.
It took me a minute to understand the last two lines here, possibly because the words are repeated with slightly different linebreaks. But once I read the stanza twice I guessed that neither/both was referencing the previous images about flesh and spirit.
I liked the plainness of this stanza. It remained blunt yet poetic, and allowed for us to fill in our own images for what you were referencing. I think your allusions to well-known conventions (such as ghosts) are what did the trick for me, anyways. I also liked how the images didn't come off as cliche, most likely because of the context. With such a stark poem, there's a bit more freedom in images used.
These stanzas didn't hurt, persay, on first read. But they made me pause a bit, thinking once again about "you" and who it was. Again, the "you" allows for this poem to be so broad that the reader is left to fill in their own images while still knowing enough to stay grounded in the poem and imagery.
It also read as rather strong, which I found helped anchor this poem. The strength gives another level of dimension to the narrator, which just layered another emotion in.
Even here, where you directly reference the event, you don't peg us into one image or event. I like your phrasing here as well, with the alliteration on the final lines of both stanzas. You've used repetition in a few locations throughout both stanzas, which helps convey the pain and shock and desperation of it all.
To me, this stanza reads as both metaphorical and literal; probably why I enjoyed this poem so much. But I'm also glad you grounded the poem in solid images that are just purple enough to be beautiful and flowery, yet sparse enough this poem doesn't feel dense. It gives this a reference, which is important when previous stanzas were rather airy.
This is where the final note of sadness and desperation come in, as you repeat what had sounded strong at the beginning (it read as something I could picture a guide or rescuer saying, calling out in the dark to find people) but twist it just a bit so the darkness the narrator is calling out to is endless, and isn't relinquishing secrets that the narrator wants (or even needs) to hear.
Overall, lovely work. The poem takes a heavy topic and takes the sharpest emotions, putting them in a form I can stand to read but still feel and empathize with. The language is also just complex enough to be a puzzle while still flowing rather smoothly.
Good work.
~ Rosey
This is how it's done. We've already discussed enough on this.
...............*is completely speechless* This makes me want to hug you even more. I hope your call is answered.