Some emotions more terrible than hate.
Brother Dear
Oh, brother dear (not dear to me),
Could I care less what you do?
It should be no concern of mine
Is what I have been told.
Your actions, no concern of mine –
Although I have been told,
I cannot help but interfere
When in your blindness
And your fear
Of losing battles never fought
You harm our sister dear.
Oh, brother dear (not dear to me),
You say your love for her is true,
And yet, whenever it pleases you,
You force her to your will.
You hound her vicious to your will
Whenever it should please you.
You trap her with questions brutal
And drag her sore heart
In the middle.
How are your ears numb to her pleas?
Why are her tears futile?
Oh, brother dear (not dear to me),
You mean so much to her, it hurts
To watch you destroy her, piece by piece,
By betraying that love.
I’ve never fallen for your tricks;
Your machinations, I’ve always seen through;
For when it comes to using folk,
I’m far better at it than you.
But there’s a difference between us, you and I,
That I’m not sure you’re aware of,
For while I try to avoid manipulation,
You conduct it for a twisted love.
It would be so easy to hate you
For the way you use our sister,
But the more I think, the more I see,
You’re to pathetic to be worth the effort.
And so the truth I’ve wondered about
So many times at last comes out:
Oh, brother dear (not dear to me),
I feel naught for you but apathy.
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139,593 Literary Works • 672,612 Reviews
It was a real good poem,
but as someone said, rhymes or no rhymes.. it got a bit confusing
But still, i liked the story and it was all through good
Kepp on writing // Sagaa
This poem was great,
but what really threw me off was the repetance of (not dear to me)
if you would've put something else in there besides what you put the first time.
but other than that, it was great.
Decide whether or not you want this to rhyme. It rhymes in places and doesn't in others.
I like the (not dear to me) repetition, it hints at something that you elaborate on later down the road.
"You’re to pathetic to be worth the effort." should be "You’re too pathetic to be worth the effort."
Altogether, I actually really like this poem. Quite a bit.
~Aet
Thank you, everyone, for the feedback. :D
@silented1 - Considering that how the brother treats their sister is the main source of conflict, I felt that focusing on it was necessary. And no, I am not a minion; minions must submit to someone else, after all. :P
Hey there!
Well, I don't think I've seen any of your poetry before but this was lovely. Really well done. I sometimes see parentheses used in poetry and it really isn't good, but here you've used it quite sophistically and well; it adds to the poem rather than detracting from it which is really nice to see.
You have a nice flow without, it doesn't stumble or sound too off. So, well done for that. You also manage to keep the reader intrigued throughout.
Ok, wow, I'm just praising you here! But it was a really good job! Well done.
~Amy
You repeated the last 2 lines of the first stanza again in the first 2 lines of second stanza.. We already knew it's not your concern. No need to retell us. You did the same with the 3rd and fourth stanza. This becomes a bit annoying, you can always use this to make new desription. Your ending made me smile. The talk up to the bullies is something I've always loved. Although, I do not believe your poem moved well enough, it was on the poor sister part for a good 3 or 4 stanzas.
Thats my only real problem with this. Nice job.
Keep writng. Oh and a little side-note. Are you a minion?
Another wonderful poem by you, Kryollac.
This was my favorite stanza. You did a magnificent job of showing, not telling. When most people talk about someone being hurt or abandoned, you don't really feel the emotions or visualize anything. But the way you wrote this, from the brother's perspective, you could really feel the characters come to life.
I really, really, really liked this piece. Awesome job.
*****The Universe*******
Very good and i like the way you used ()'s with each oh brother dear.