And if two guys show up in jeans, and plaid, and one has a leather jacket and a deep voice, driving a black 70 Impala, you should probably move states
A/N: So I got a lot of likes and good comments on "25 Things to Remember When You Become a Book Character" and I decided to write another list similar to that. I have taken some of those numbers and incorporated them here, but I figured I would address some of the bigger cliches of horror stories in general. I got a lot of requests and kind responses to do other lists such as the one I made before so I hope this gets as many kind words as my list did previously. Thank you.
1. If the book is written from your point of view, you're going to live...
2. Unless the point of view switches every chapter. In which case, you are probably going to die.
3. But in that case, you might already be dead and just don't know it.
3. What is it with you people running around in the woods when there's a murderer out there? Seriously, quit it!
4. Don't go on camping trips in areas where creepy urban legends are the talk of the town. It's really not a good idea.
5. The killer is almost always someone you know.
6. Make sure you remember the phrase: "Silent, but deadly."
7. Once more, your cellphone will never work when you need it most.
8. The ditzy cheerleader always dies first.
9. If there are supernatural things happening in your house, you can't just run away. Those happenings will follow you.
10. Chances are, someone is possessed.
11. It's not a good idea to play with ouija boards. It ends badly every time.
12. Screaming is the most useless thing you can do. No one is going to hear you except for the killer, who will then know immediately where you are.
13. Stop crashing through the underbrush, why don't ya'? And again with the being in the woods at night when there's a killer out there.
14. If a door or window randomly flies open, don't just shut it and do nothing. Run away. Or call the cops. Do something smart.
15. The hot guy is always the one who did it. You can't be hot and sane.
16. Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear. That includes demons.
17. The car won't start no matter how hard you try.
18. One adult is not enough to help you.
19. Sex will inevitably get you killed.
20. If you're a woman, you will not be able to run without falling down.
21. When you bring the police to see the body, it will have already vanished.
22. If you are a minority, you will die.
23. One person will end up surviving. Definitely no more than two.
24. Always have someone stand in the doorway when you enter a room. Chances are, if you go in alone, the door will slam shut and lock automatically.
25. That sound is never "just the cat".
And if two guys show up in jeans, and plaid, and one has a leather jacket and a deep voice, driving a black 70 Impala, you should probably move states
Hi!
I've been reading and watching horrors a lot this year and I've noticed the pattern.
This is both hilarious and accurate. Maybe writers and film producers should take a look at this and finally break the pattern because reading and watching the same thing gets kind of boring. Anyways, this is really good.
Keep on writing!
Actually, I'm going to do a review... yay. So, I think that women only fall (When they're running) only when they have boots or sandals on. Also, the murder can be a character that's just briefly mentioned, with hints through out. Other than that, I liked this! You should make more stuff like this. This is coming from an inexperienced and new guy (Lol). Anyways, I really DO thing the fat guy always dies first... but that's just me.
This is SO accurate. It's kinda scary; how many have you read? 
Anyway, I think you did an awesome job on this. Really. I love number 15: hilarious. And number 25 is SOOOO true. I happen to be a fan of scary books, even though most of this is completely right on. I haven't read the other work you wrote and mentioned, but will. It's sad how stupid some characters are. But anyway, I really like your list, very well done, keep up the fantabulous work!
-ChloeJoelle
Hi,
This is funny but sadly true. I love watching scary movies and you just described everything just like i would. I mean like come on don't look in the kitchen and ask who is there you act like the murderer is trying to make you a sandwich, " who's here?"- main character "oh me just chilling what about you?"- Murderer. Like really come on be realistic. I have something to add about the first popular chick dies first also got to remember that if there is a black person they will likely die first as well like why kill the black guy because guess what he know what the deal is run first ask questions later. I like all 25 things you said they are all true and I advise people who want to write a horror story follow this guys advice. Keep writing.
I love it.
Just as a little reminder you have two 'number three's. That's only a typo.
And I am still laughing here as I type...
Hello this is Remington38,
I love horror stories/movies and found myself laughing. It is so true and really connects to all the people who like to yell at their screens/books on how stupid the characters are *which I will assume is most everyone* Another one I could think of is
26. Never put down the weapon even if you think the killer is dead cause chances are they're not.
27. If you hear something creepy don't just walk towards it to see what it is grab something for self defence.
This was really amusing to read and genius. I never would have thought of something like this. Great job and I hope to read more like this.
Hey there!
So I haven't actually read a lot of horror novels, but I've seen plenty of movies and I found a lot of the points that you made to be true! I was definitely laughing to myself throughout. Now, I didn't read your other article so I'm not too sure how you went about structuring that one (I imagine it's similar) but I had a few thoughts!
These are all good things to point out, and I can't think of any other major horror tropes you may have left out off the top of my head. And while what you did include is all well and good, I think you could polish a little bit of your language and make it an even more focused- and funny- piece.
There were parts during this where it felt like a letter to to the character in the horror story (which it should) but there were other parts where that flow got a little choppier and you speak more generally rather than directly addressing the character. For instance:
"Horror filmmakers and novelists are sexist and think that women cannot run without falling down"
seems a little choppy to me. Something more along the lines of "if you are a woman, you won't be able to run without falling down" would be more consistent with the rest of the tone of this piece.
Also, I had questions about:
25. That sound is never "just the cat".
23. One boy and one girl usually end up surviving in the end, and then it's implied that they become a couple.
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