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125,027 Literary Works • 672,768 Reviews
Hi Forever! Let's get into it
First off, I love this metaphor of spiders and power. I really enjoy this poem in its entirety but there are some beautiful lines in here that really stand out too. You've really captured an incredible feeling here like a genie in a bottle.
I think my biggest critque here is that you have a few extra words/phrases that could be cut down for the clarity of image. While I really like the spider metaphor, you spend a lot of time circling back to address it as the subject when it's not really necessary. Examples of this
do you see how the phrasing is just a little more active with some shuffling? You can experiment with other lines in the poem as well.
Additionally, while I really like the spider/web/power/war metaphor, I do think you could expand your imagery regarding this overarching theme. Try to think about it wholistically and from a sensory perspective. You've got this great conflicting dnymaic between the spider and the insects caught in the web— what metaphyiscal/physical experiences could you describe to enhance the reader's experience? Try to play around with some of the lines where you repeat web/spider/insect as a descriptor at first and see if you discover something.
Excellent work, happy editing!
Hi there!
Just wanted to leave a review here!
There are a few things about this poem. First off this poem is a very unique poem and it's a poem topic you don't here very often. Second, this poem has high imagery and when I read it I thought back to the time I saw a crane fly in a web. Third off, in my opinion, this poem is a little wordy than most poems but that's just my opinion of course and all poems are different. Last this poem makes me feel like there is more to this than a spider stuck in a web, like there is an emotion behind it
Anyways that's all and I hope you have a good day or night!