Young Writers Society

Hi Forever,

Mailice again here with a short review!

This was actually a very beautiful poem. It had a definite sense of serenity and that it was just trying to express something without creating anything sinister or subconscious directly between the lines. I like that you wrote it with a simplicity. Because I'm always such a friend when it's so hard to interpret something real from the text, but here you've actually just written a nice uplifting thing.

I like how it radiates a kind of optimism and that it's important to look forward. I like that you manage very well to make it more vivid through your colours as well, making it more beautiful for the reader. What I also like is your attempt to make almost all the lines rhyme. It doesn't really feel forced here, but fits the format of the text. In parts I even think you can sing the poem very well to create an uplifting and positive mood.

What I also like is that the poem doesn't speak of anything supernatural, but is really all about the reader, meaning yourself, that happiness and joy comes from you and not from other influences, or simply put; you are responsible for your joy. I like this message that you are expressing and I think you do a good job of portraying it.

One thing I wonder though is if you have coloured the colours based on your view as you see them, speaks when you say the word "bee" to yourself, what colour does it emit? Because that's called synaesthesia, when two or more senses are connected.

In the third stanza, in the third line you have a little spelling mistake where it says "sifnifying" where it should be "signifiying".

In summary, it was a very great poem that through its simplicity sends out a really beautiful, positive message.

Have fun writing!

Mailice

I like the use of colors to emphasize certain words!

Good luck in participating in the challenge, I'm doing it too D !!

This is a fun and colourful (get it? colourful
It's a really great way to start off the national writing month and I definitely can't wait to read more poems from you ^^

The colours are really engaging to the reader, and it makes it a fun little read, it also helps bring the attention of the reader to certain words and insist on each of them.

There's just some moments where I didn't really get the meaning, for example in

"Your are bound to learn/ How to turn yourself/ into a colourful shape."
Why would you want to learn how to become a colourful shape ? Maybe turn into a color, but a shape ? Didn't really get that one.

Also, in
"happiness, even in a song of bee/ Your life will be full of glee"
since "song" is pretty positive, maybe changing it to "buzzing" or "buzz" would work better.

the last stanza was also off. Not exactly because of the meaning, but the structure and flow. there's a nice flow in the three first lines, but it abruptly cuts at the fourth. Say it aloud, you'll notice it better. Maybe add some words in that fourth verse and just elongate it. Since after that fourth line, the flow returns and ends beautifully. It's just that little bit that sounded off.

Have a good day <333

Hello! This is a fun way for you to kick off NaPoWriMo, for sure.

I love the way you incorperated colors! It's very engaging for the reader. The colors you associated with each word make sense, such as gold for "Sun" and grey for "boring" and "doleful." The frequency of colored words is rather inconsistent, with some lines having multiple and others having none at all. There isn't any pattern that I can see, but it may just be a sylistic choice.

Some of the rhymes are shaky. Pairs such as colorful/doleful and finding/ringing have the same suffix but the sound proceeding that aren't similar enough to be an effective rhyme, if that makes sense. Other pairs like nice/rise are close but not quite right in the same way.

The end feels a little weird. I like how it calls back to the begining, but there's something about that stanza that seems a little off. I don't quite have the words to explain, sorry.
Your use of adjectives throughout the whole piece was very colorful.

I hope this helps, and keep writing!
Blueca