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Death and fame

by ForeverYoung299, BrokenHeartsAri


Life can bring a lot of discomforts

to the point, we all suffer

Can't seem to forget

the one thing

I always wanted

fame

Never got rid of the thirst

so much it hurts,

the one thing I wanted

I can do anything and

specifically everything

for achieving it.

Yes, you read it right

I can even die for it!

But I can never

Let my fame drain

And mix with the garbage.

No matter how it hurts,

I can manage it.

I want to see my name

Written in ‘gold’

And that is all I want!

I will fight with will and time

No, I'm not losing my mind

I'm fine.

Their threats come at me,

but my voice is loud.

Never got rid of it

the thirst for it

the only thing I ever wanted

No matter what


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Points: 23
Reviews: 12

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Thu Apr 15, 2021 6:19 pm
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esthersanti1600 wrote a review...



Hi there! I completely agree with BlueGlow - this is a really unique concept for a poem. It very well illustrates the emotion that goes into the hunger for fame that so many people, and the dark side of it as well. I think that it might be a bit dialogue-heavy for a poem - reads more like a spoken monologue, rather than an internal one. However, this is not a problem at all - just not particularly orthodox for a poem. Adding in more imagery or more hints at this being unspoken words from a character would give it quite a bit of depth, but it beautiful as it is!






Thanks for the review



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28 Reviews


Points: 25
Reviews: 28

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Thu Apr 15, 2021 1:24 pm
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BlueGlow wrote a review...



This is a very interesting concept for poem! You've excellently put words to the desire for fame however, as this is a piece of poetry I would recommend you use more descriptive language so as to emphasize the feelings you are trying to express. Over all a well executed piece of work that, with a bit of touch up, is something to be proud of! Keep up the work and keep on improving!




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55 Reviews


Points: 2523
Reviews: 55

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Thu Apr 15, 2021 7:46 am
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akanbright wrote a review...



Wow. Somebody in this thread can actually write something like this, its really amazing and I love. What attracted me and made me continue reading down is the simplity of words and diction used in the poem. Your poem's language was actually low and the tone moderate, all I composition to the title of the poem.
I love poems that aren't contradictory in nature. Not one you write, and then the next line seem to carry a different ideas, far from what was actually intended. Unlike other poems that I do read, they make their work and mistakes rather too obvious.
I like your concept about fame and the way you tried linking it to the poem and bringing it to light as a commendable work.
I don't know if it is buried deep in the poem or you just wrote it, but I want to say that I find nothing of death in the poem, just fame, or maybe I should read it again. If in that it is how you chose it, no problem, but apart from that, I would say I have no problem with your work. Liking the concept of fame, as it is what many actually long for, deep down, even if they pretend they don't. It could destroy a person and could also exalt a person.
Who this, I draw the line by saying its a really good one and i hope to review more if your work sometime.






Thank u so much!




Don't turn them loose, Jack.
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