Warm, comforting light slowly drifts away.
Soft yellows, oranges and reds fading into nothing.
Their last light rippling along the darkening sky.
The reflection of the light laminates off of the water’s surface,
The calm current distorting the welcoming colors.
Once tall pine trees now a silhouette against the fading light.
The sun now at the end of its journey disappears behind the large hills,
Only to be seen the next day.
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140,099 Literary Works • 672,999 Reviews
Hey there! I'm back again to review your poetry.
One thing that I really love about this poem is that it's not a narrator trying to convey their feelings to the reader - it's a poetic description of a very beautiful natural phenomenon. You take a sunset, which happens fairly quickly, and break it down so the reader can digest the sight. It's a great way to tackle a poem with a topic like this, so nice job on that!
I have a couple of grammatical nitpicks to point out, but I don't have any other critiques of your poem besides that! It's overall a really strong poem.
I'm not sure laminating is the right word for this line - something like reflecting might work a little better. Laminating is when you take a sheet of paper and cover in plastic. (That definition is courtesy of google.)
This line feels off. It might be because you didn't have any verb between "trees" and "now". "Are" might work good, if you want to add one! It would help the sentence flow better.
Like the line before it, you do a great job with describing the sunset. But you use "now" in both that line and this one, and the line reads as a run on. I would suggest changing it to something like this so the line flows better:
I hope my review helps, and let me know if you have any questions!
Gosh thanks again Mage this is helping a lot. This is one of my earlier poems and when I read through it I could see what you were talking about. So I'll try and fix it up when I have the time!
Congratulations on the spotlight
Thanks.
No prob
Hello, FlamingPheonix...
since you reviewed my poem, I just thought that i should return the favor!!!
Firstly, I want to say that I loved this poem.
your choice of words, it created an image in my mind, and it was so beautiful, and calming.
Secondly, Your over use of the word "THE"
I know that this word IS a big word that needs to be used, but i don't think that you needed it at the beginning of almost every single sentence.
Third, the length of the whole entire poem:
It was a every small poem, but i think that the length could have been a little bit longer, but that is entirely up to the author, you.
What I loved:
I loved these lines, because it was calming, and very visual.
I loved your use of imagery,
Keep writing,
~B E L L
Thanks for the review it was very nice of you. Now about my poem, I do agree with everything you have said, and I do have to say this is not one of my best. I think my best poem so far is Life or Death.
I will go and read it later!
You are so talented.
Aww thanks, if there are any other poems you would like me to look at, you just need to let me know.
Hello there FlamingPhoenix
I will give you a brief review for this poem of yours today.
I will start by saying your imagery was great. This piece had very discriptive words that really allow the reader to emphasise on the images emerging from it rather than the feelings. I really liked how you played with textures and colors. Very delicate choice of words.
So regarding the imagery, Well done!
Now I really liked where this is going and it is a fantastic description of a sunset, but I believe you need to expand a little in order to make it a poem.
A poem must have bothe imagery and emotional aspects in it. Your poem, even though good, lacks the aspect of emotion. At least for my standarts.
Other than that I believe you did pretty well. I liked your ending line but I would have made it into a verse alone:
"The sun now at the end of its journey
disappears behind the large hills,
only to be seen the next day."
Something like that.
Generally the formating of the poem needs some work. Try keeping your verses small.
Nonetheless I enjoyed reading it and I loved the images that emerged from it.
Good work!
Keep writing,
Best regards
Kostia
Thank you for your review. I'll keep all of this advise in mind for the next poem.
I enjoyed this poem. You described it so well that I could practically see its beauty. I don't know if you mean for this to be a metaphor or not, but either way it was very well written.
The last line:
The sun now at the end of its journey disappears behind the large hills, only to be seen the next day.
Was a breathtaking end to it. I do think you might have overused the word the just a tad too much when you could have used other words, but that's just my own little pet peeve and I don't mean that in a mean way.
I think this poem was bold and calming at the same time. The only thing I would really change about it is the line:
The once tall green trees now a silhouette against the fading light.
Maybe instead of the word green use a word to describe what kind of tree it is? To add depth and description to the poem. So we can picture it clearer. Like Pine, Oak, Birch. Etc.
Overall I really enjoyed your poem and I would rate it an 8-10. I look forward to seeing more poetry and stories from you because this was amazing.
Good luck.
Jade
Thank you very much for the review Jade. If you want it will tag you from now on?
Yes please!
Okay.
Hi @FlamingPhoenix Wow this is a lovely poem so beautiful, you are a grate poem writer I love reading your work, and all your poems. your description is grate some lines are just way better then others. Like this line
Grate imagery here I am getting such a grate feeling about this line, but all in all every line is grate. I must say I cannot find any thing wrong with this poem, and I cannot find any thing that is not good about this poem, one thing that I was expecting though was the riming, but any ways. I just like riming lines when it comes to poetry I guess. all in all I loved this.by the way this is a really nice opening to the story so good job. there is so much that's, and so nothing that is wrong. okay I am rabeling on about the same thing sorry. I will say I thought that the poem was going to be a bit longer then it was but that's okay. I am just youst to reading poems that are like ten to twelve down to eight lines long but that's just one thing.
So this is all that I can say about this poem, So keep up the good poem writing.
@EagleFly out to Seek and Kill
Thanks Eagle. It's not everyone that i find a review funny. XD So thank you for your kind words. I will make the next poem longer. I also like long poems. But this one didn't need to be long.
Why was this funny?
When you rambled on.
Woops.
This was a very beautiful poem, in my opinion
I liked the soft, yellowish imagery in the beginning, though I do think more emphasis on those colours could have been made later on in the poem.
The structure was alright, though I think the last line was perhaps too long in contrast to the rest of the poem.
I think you could have used some more enjambment, rather than just having complete sentences as one line, and perhaps some more punctuation to really set the scene, as a sunset is a slow process and more punctuation would emphasis this fact.
Other than that, I did enjoy this poem!
Thank you for your review.