When I Was Young

Hi Shokora, this is James....

first of all i will like to say that i loved the tittle of your poem. it's inviting, when i saw it i felt like reading it. keep up with interesting tittles like this Ok.

but i notice some few mistakes which i think you should always watch out for. what i'm trying to say is that some words are not spelt correctly,

for example 'The presser of growing up pushes against me'. 'presser' there i think should be pressure.

and also 'How I wish I could wined back time.' 'wined' there i think should be wind. in this sentence "I would think everything is easy, know need to care" the "know" there i think it should be No.

"But as time grow on, so did I" i think grow should be replaced with its past tense "grew" or better still the sentence should be "But as time grows on, so did I.

"As I sit as my desk, typing away, I think to myself, when did things change?" i think this sentence should look like this "
"As I sat at my desk, typing away, I thought to myself, when did things change?" or what do you think?

i loved your poem its interesting, but you must watch out for typing errors, incorrect spelling, past tense and present tenses.

i hope this helps, keep writing Friend

Hi Shikora!

Liberty500 here for a review!

First off, I totally agree with your poem. Every night I wish the day would be a dream and I would wake up with my favorite teddy bear I had when I was younger. But no.

Second I noticed a few mistakes here and there, and I' like to correct you.

"I would think everything is easy, know need to care." I'm pretty sure that the "know" needs to be turned into a "no".

This sentence right here is perfect, "But as time grow on, so did I." but the "grow" needs to be turned into a "grew". Or you could re-write the sentence as, "As time grows on, so do I".

"As I sit as my desk..." I think you had a typo here, the second "as" is supposed to be "at", right?

"How I wish I could wined back time." The "wined" here is spelt incorrectly. It's spelled "wind".

"The presser of growing up pushes against me." I am pretty sure that "presser" is supposed to be "pressure".

Overall, it was a beautiful poem. I totally agree with this poem.

Keep on writing!

~Liberty500

Hey there, Shikora!!!

This is Eros here with another review for this beautiful poem of yours!!

The title of this poem is awesome!! The the theme of the poem is very clear through this poem. The title was unique making it look like a surprise present. The title is related to the poem but doesn't completely reveal what is inside the poem And hence is like a surprise gift. I loved this thing the most.

The way you have described the care free childhood when you used to run around and play without any stress or tension is amazing. You also tell your thought process as a child, for example the line:

"I would think everything is easy, know need to care."
This is beautiful!

And then you gradually move on to telling that your life is not as easy as before that's like a comparison of how your life was in childhood and how it is now. This changing of the previous years and coming into the previous the present life was not abrupt or sudden it was instead smooth and blended nicely with the poems flow.

And then you express your desire the Desire that everyone has to be young again. This poem brought back memories of my childhood when I used to play with my sister and have a lot of fun making castles of soil and running around carefree.

Really loved the poem! keep writing such amazing awesome and great stuff and poetries and we will love to keep reading them and reviewing them!!

Have a great Day/ night!!
With love,
From Eros.

Hey there, Shikora!!!

This is Eros here with another review for this beautiful poem of yours!!

The title of this poem is awesome!! The the theme of the poem is very clear through this poem. The title was unique making it look like a surprise present. The title is related to the poem but doesn't completely reveal what is inside the poem And hence is like a surprise gift. I loved this thing the most.

The way you have described the care free childhood when you used to run around and play without any stress or tension is amazing. You also tell your thought process as a child, for example the line:

"I would think everything is easy, know need to care."
This is beautiful!

And then you gradually move on to telling that your life is not as easy as before that's like a comparison of how your life was in childhood and how it is now. This changing of the previous years and coming into the previous the present life was not abrupt or sudden it was instead smooth and blended nicely with the poems flow.

And then you express your desire the Desire that everyone has to be young again. This poem brought back memories of my childhood when I used to play with my sister and have a lot of fun making castles of soil and running around carefree.

Really loved the poem! keep writing such amazing awesome and great stuff and poetries and we will love to keep reading them and reviewing them!!

Have a great Day/ night!!
With love,
From Eros.