As long as I’ve lived I've never seen anything more beautiful, than an African sunset.
The large orange sun sinking behind the mountains
The warmth fading along with it.
Bright oranges and reds repelling along the sky
Transforming it into a world of wonder
A world you will never want to leave.
The sounds of the insects coming out, and singing their songs
The small chirps wringing in your ears
And the sounds of wings beating.
The evening air is fresh and is cold against your skin
As you lie in a meadow of long, green, grass
Just making you want to stay there forever.
But deep in your heart you know you can’t stay
Even if it’s your greatest wish
You must leave soon knowing it’s for the best.
I will be leaving in the morning
To some were new
I know my new home will be safe but I will still miss you.
Africa is my home and forever will be.
So I cherish this moment
For it will be my last...African sunset.
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140,099 Literary Works • 672,999 Reviews
Hi, @FlamingPhoenix!
Liberty500 is here to drop off a review for you. Let's get right to it!!
I really like the poem a lot. The way you made it italics and made it right in the middle, it just seems... perfect! Anyways, I didn't really see any grammatical mistakes so good job on that, Flames. Now, I did see one spelling mistake in the third paragraph second line. You wrote 'wringing' and that means, like, squeezing something. I'm pretty sure you meant to write, 'ringing' instead of 'wringing'. That's all I saw and my absolute favorite part in the entire poe is the last line,
"For it will be my last...African sunset"
Now you've made me wanna go to Africa just to see that heavenly sunset! <3
Keep on writing!
~Liberty500
Thanks you so much for the review. I'm glad you liked it.
No problem! I really liked it a lot!
I like the imagery you've got! And I think the "centered" worked for the poem too, as it somewhat mimicked the look of the sun going down. Not a fan of the ellipses though (the dot, dot, dot) -- it's not as dramatic as it might... seem...
One issue was that it seemed to switch speaker/tense a bit, sometimes you used "you" and sometimes you used "I" and there didn't seem to be a rhyme or reason. Try to stick to one or the other just to cut-back on the confusion factor.
My favorite part of the poem is how you draw on all the senses - love that buggy description and then the grass and the light and I just get a warm feeling reading this. It's a nice image that you paint with the words.
Keep on poeting!
-metrophobia
fear the poem, not the poet
Thanks for the review. I'll to to work on the tenses I use.
If you like next time I post I can tag you?
sure!
Great!
I love this!!! I can tell you really enjoyed this moment. If you don’t mind me asking, how come it’s your last African sunset?
Thanks for the comment! It will be my last because I wont be able to see it again and I'm leaving the country. I hope that answers your question.
That%u2019s sad
Don't worry it was for the best!
I%u2019m glad
Ignore the %u2018s... YWS doesn%u2019t like apostrophes
Oh okay!
Lovely photo I like it.
Thanks!
your are very welcome.
Hey! I really liked this poem! It was very sentimental and I could tell easily that you cherished this moment. Your writing has really improved since I first read one of your works, and this poem is one of the best poems I think you've done!
Anyways
Keep up the great writing,
Love,
Dogs
Thank you for the lovely comment! I glad my writing had gotten better.
Anytime!
I thought that this way very sentimental, how you said you'd cherish this moment is what I loved the most. It tells you everything you want to know about your writing skills, you really cherished your stay in Africa. You tell us in detail how it was your greatest wish, and you wish you didn't have to leave but you do. You had fun while it lasted but now it is time to go home.
I thought that this way very sentimental, how you said you'd cherish this moment is what I loved the most. It tells you everything you want to know about your writing skills, you really cherished your stay in Africa. You tell us in detail how it was your greatest wish, and you wish you didn't have to leave but you do. You had fun while it lasted but now it is time to go home.
Thanks for the review! I really was trying to put what you said across in my poem. So it's good to no you felt that way!
Hi Shikora, this is Brendah and iam here to review your poem.
I appreciate your effort to come up with a such a wonderful piece. First the tittle gets my attention.
'African sunset' is something that holds my attention and keeps my eyes glued on this piece. The description of the sunset, and the sound from those insects is really true and from your imagery I can really feel those insects.
This is very true because I come from Africa and this type of poem can be based in villages of Africa not towns. So when I live my village to Kampala I long for such a beautiful setting that Shikora has employed in her poem 'African sunset.'
This is a good read and please keep going. The sky is the limit...
Thank you for the review. It's nice meat someone from Africa! I'm for there too!