A river of orange runs through a valley of green.
Its clear waters lapping against the rocks
That direct its path.
Beams of sunlight bounce off the surface of the water.
Giving it a warm orangey color
That makes you smile.
The sunsets in the west
Sending all sorts of colors rippling through the sky.
Like a magnificent painting.
The orange sky reflects off of the waters of the river.
As the sun slowly sets behind the dark green hills.
Letting more of its colors be reflected by the waters of the river.
All may sleep at sunset
They may get their rest and most wanted sleep
But the river is forever flowing.
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hey! MapleWay here with a quick review!
This was amazing! I'm not sure why I liked it so much, maybe it was because of the picture, maybe it was because of the imagery, or maybe even the fact that I'm writing this after my bedtime trying to get my second review star!
Anyways I liked it a lot! And thanks for getting me my second review star!
Lol glad I could help you out in some way!
XD Spelled star wrong at the end.
Lol, I didn't notes!
Hey there, @FlamingPhoenix! Here I am again, ready to review your poem.
After reading this poem and the one I just commented on, I'm starting to suspect that you love writing about sunsets.
As I mentioned in my last review, you rock at describing little events in great detail. For the most part, your poem flows really well - there's only a few spots where I had to reread the line and see if there was something that broke it.
I loved your focus on colors throughout the poem. It ties in especially well to the title; the reader already expects that kind of description thanks to what you named your work. I also loved how you included a picture of what kind of sunset you were envisioning.
If you ever revise this, I would suggest moving the picture to the bottom of the page instead of the top - I already had an idea of what I was supposed to be imagining before I started reading. It took away some of the fun of the reading experience. If the picture was at the bottom instead, it would feel like a nice conclusion to tie everything up.
There's a couple of grammatical errors I want to highlight, but I don't have any other critiques besides everything I've already mentioned.
This pair of lines is one of the places where the flow of the poem was momentarily broken. There's nothing to connect the two of them, but the last line needs more to it - it's a dependent clause, so it needs some kind of support. Putting an "are" after "west" in the line above should do the trick.
The last stanza was the weakest one in the poem. The last line was a great conclusion, but the two lines that come before it are confusing. The reader can understand what you're saying, but it doesn't come across clearly. I also think mentioning the need for all to sleep breaks away from the poem's theme - your focus is on the river and the surrounding areas, not the people/animals within them. I would switch out those two stanzas with something about the sunset ending, and then keeping that last line about the river forever flowing.
Overall, you did a great job on this poem! I really enjoyed reading through your imagery.
Thanks again Mage this is really helping me a lot! With your help I might start writing poems a little more often.
Wow great poem! And great descriptions! I really liked it!
Your writing has improved a ton since I first met you on here! Great work!
Keep up the great writing,
Love,
Dogs
Thanks Dogs!
Anytime!:D
Lovely work here @Shikora.
Thanks!
Hey there, Shikora!
Absolutely loved the poem! The flow is good. Keep writing such works and we enjoy reading them. This poem too, I really enjoyed reading.
But the sentences are a little longer. For instance,
The line specifically, "Beams of sunlight bounce off the surface of the water." This one, is so long that it ended up in the next line. It Doesn't have any major effect on the reading, but it does disturbs the framework of the poem... Perhaps you could cut off some of the words and make it like,
"Beams of sunlight bounce off the water surface"
Other than that, I can't see any spelling errors or Nitpicks... Everything was awesome.
Keep up the great writing! You have indeed, got a talent of writing poetries and novels. I love to your works. Keo tagging me, and keep writing!
Have a great day / night!
With love,
From Eros.
Thanks for the review!
This is a great poem!
I dont usually read poems, so it surprised me how much i liked it!
I could really see the river flowing before me, getting bigger and bigger and taking rocks with the stream.
I loved to imagine the sun go down behind all green hills, and people going to sleep while the river is still flowing.
Overall, great!
Fantasci
Thanks for the review! If you want next time i post i could tag you!
Actually, if you dont mind, can you review my story? Its my first one, and i haven`t gotten any reviews yet. Anyway, you dont have to.
Sure! I would love to. But is it above 12 and does it have L M and V sines? Other wise I can't read it?
Never mind I found it and I will review it very soon. It looks good.
Thanks!
Your welcome.