Worried Lies has promise to keep

Hello <3 <3

The title of the poem caught my eye since I love emotions/nouns or anything abstract concretised, especially as a human, doing human stuff. It honestly gives more opportunities to explore the subject and the boundaries of its definition, whilst still remaining relatable.

With that said, I guess that’s the main thing you have to work on. These “lies'' were never focused, explored, or given any context. The poem instead revolved around the “act” and how it impacted the doer. However, even that seems to lack quite a depth (im really sorry for saying this).

Starting off with the personification lies. They were a bit superficial. I felt quite removed from the poem because it was simply telling me what she was feeling but never showing how it came to such an extreme extent (even wanting to embrace death). If you’ve specified what kind of lie it was, then we (the readers) would be able to understand why it took a toll on her.

Moreover, sharing the external consequences of these lies would bring much more impact on the poem. Without a doubt, the lie wouldn’t be conceived without another person involved — the person she lied to (unless she’s lying to herself which wouldn’t make sense in this poem because we usually lie to ourselves to escape a problem/sadness/stress). You could narrate about what happened between them(did their relationship cease)? And the chain of reaction after that(Did she have to cut ties with the people who took that other party’s side? Was she rebuked/punished/left out)? And how much her life has changed after the incident would make a more solid and effective narrative.

When it comes to the doer(she), I didn’t quite feel her pain. It lacks description and came off a bit repetitive.

Its owner is quite sad though.
It really is a tale of woe,

And sobs until the tears make.

She lies in bed with ducts that weep.

With thoughts of sadness in her head

I know that repetition can be utilised in poetry but it must have a particular purpose and intention; Possibly to hammer home a particular lesson/opinion or because each repetition adds a new/different meaning to the poem. However, in this case, (yes it does seem to emphasise something) but the way it’s executed is quite lacking. It’s using quite weak descriptions/adjectives and it was again, more telling than showing.

Poetry is more about trying to phrase things in a more implicit and creative way. My tip is to give specific situations/actions. Instead of simply saying “sad” or “woe” describe her. Yup, you did say she was crying but just that. There’s so many ways you can showcase sadness. Actions would resonate to the reader because it evokes our imagination. It becomes closer to reality, hence relatable.

Essentially, the poem is still quite ambiguous, only relying on the reader/interpreter to fill in the lines. Although we have a role to assume certain things, the poem still has to put at least a good amount of info or clues so that we may confirm it. Readers shouldn’t be coming up with conjectures because there’d still be questions that may arise and remain unanswered. It’d leave them feeling quite lost and confused in the end, instead of satisfied and inspired. Specifying quite moderately gives us an active connection with the emotions and characters in the fictional work. I hope I made sense but here’s an in depth discussion about Specificity in Poetry that might help you.

Just a nitpick but the title should be “Worried Lies have promises to keep” since the word “lies” is plural. And capitalising the first letter from the word lies usually suggests that it became a “person.” However, if that’s the case, then it’s conflicting with the actual poem. In the poem, lies are treated as...lies and are treated plural so yea. Now that I’ve thought about it, I suggest changing the ones in the poem instead of the title (but do add the article “a” before promise). You’ve personified “lies” so it should at least have its first letter capitalised or treated as a noun.

So my last critique before I end this is not being able to see the role of “I” as vital to the poem. Ask this question: what would happen if I remove “I”? Will it negatively affect the overall message? Will the whole point or moral of the poem disappear? If not, I recommend shifting fully on the third person’s perspective.

Again, I’m so sorry for dropping the bomb so early in the review so I’d like to leave a good note.

She gives her lies a shake

I quite like this line. It somehow implied that she came to terms or admitted that she lied. A very good play of words right there ^ ^

The concept of the poem is genuinely interesting as well. If you prioritise Lies as a “person” more or a “character” that’d be great. I’m ecstatic to see what you’d come up with after exploring what “Lies” are and what it could do to people. Lastly, I’d like to commend you for getting the number of syllables relatively consistent. It has predominantly 8 syllables (although there was one that had 6>>”She gives her lie a shake,” but it wasn’t awkward to read so kudos to that).

That’s about it <3 Hopefully my review was helpful and constructive. If there’s anything that I’ve phrased quite confusingly, feel free to ask for clarifications. You have tons of potential as a poet. Don’t stop writing !!

SENDING LOVE, Kattee