Young Writers Society

Hi BrokenHeartsAri and MapleWay,

Mailice back with a short review!

I liked the poem very much. It has a certain heaviness in it that speaks of "would" respectively a what if state. You can clearly see that it's about a past love, perhaps a certain youthful love that you gave up after you got older.

but, my heart can't take this
this damage

I find this verse both good and not so good. In terms of word choice and meaning, I think the separation between the two "this" is great, because it seems like the narrator doesn't want to let the pain get to him. But I also find it stifles the reading that this is used twice, and I think it would help if in the first line after this ... (don´t know how one calls the three points ) was made to give a kind of pause there and let the text have a deeper effect. That's really the only thing that seems a little out of place in the whole poem.

We could have been better.
I hope its not to late for me
Time consumes the image
and I'm just not sure what to do.

I like this verse very much because you can see the ambivalence and uncertainty of the narrator. At first he is convinced that he can do better now (possibly doubting himself) and yet he seems very lethargic, watching the days go by and not daring to go on or mention anything.

Time has split us apart.
and I'm not sure if I can ever forgive it

I find this verse very interesting because I think the narrator is referring more to forgiving himself than to time. The narrator blames himself that the time they were together distanced them and the narrator thinks it is because he has changed.

There are many of these places where you can read out in the text that the narrator is having doubts and is allowing himself to fall deeper and deeper into his spiral of fear through his own thoughts.

I like the meaning of the poem and I think you've done a perfect job of portraying that with this very split, thoughtful text. I think it can be summed up as "Don't mourn the lost time, but use the time yet to come to do better."I think this theme can also be related to a lot more than just love, which I think is great that it gives the poem even more meaning and depth. You've done a great job of making it convincing and making it feel like it's really coming from a person who is in conflict with himself (or herself. I believe that the text is told more from a woman's perspective.)


Have fun with your writing!

Mailice.