z

Young Writers Society


12+

No one will know and No one will care

by EsmerayaRose


No one knows what goes through my mind

No one knows how complicated I am

I was once called a problematic child

I was once told i was unfit to be in society


I'm a mence

I'm a addict that doesn't know the meaning of limits

Someone please understand me

Someone please wait for me


My body wants to give up

My body doesnt have a choice

I am slilent in the depths of madness

I am lonely in this unfit society




Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
54 Reviews


Points: 1842
Reviews: 54

Donate
Sun Jan 29, 2023 11:29 pm
View Likes
Quillfeather wrote a review...



Hello! Hope you're having a lovely day, night, or whatever time it is for you there right now! Quill here for a short review
Let's get started! *Dips quill into inkwell*
Wow, what a poem.

''No one knows what goes through my mind

No one knows how complicated I am

I was once called a problematic child

I was once told i was unfit to be in society''

No one really understands what goes through my mind, I don't know what goes through there's. So many moments, emotions, so many words, are hidden behind faces that don't show the thoughts behind them. Even if you think you can read their emotions, you never know what's there. Hidden. And I love they way you brought that to light.

...

''I'm a mence

I'm a addict that doesn't know the meaning of limits

Someone please understand me

Someone please wait for me''

That feeling when you think no-one wants you, no-one understands you. There's no worth fo you. Even though there's so much to your life, and you really DO matter. It's so hard. It's really cool how you get your point across without straight out saying ''this is what I think'' well done, it takes skill.

...

''My body wants to give up

My body doesnt have a choice

I am slilent in the depths of madness

I am lonely in this unfit society ''
that feeling of wanting to give up, even though there's hope. It's hard to deal with, it's hard to keep on going with all. These emotions. You did an amazing job of capturing this all in this poem
Thank you for making this poem because these are important feelings to represent and talk about it all. You did an amazing job writing this aswell. I really enjoyed reading this poem!
Keep writing!
~Quill




EsmerayaRose says...


thank youu for all the feedback<33



User avatar
198 Reviews


Points: 14218
Reviews: 198

Donate
Fri Jan 06, 2023 7:07 am
View Likes
AkuRashomon wrote a review...



Hello there! This is Ina speaking. I am here to give a comment/review. Anyways, let's get into it.

I love how you use simple words that were put together to make a deep and poetic phrases and sentences. The first stanza was my favorite and I think it suits the title of your poem very well. The lines:

"No one knows what goes through my mind
No one knows how complicated I am"

These lines just hit you like you have a feeling that the people around just doesn't understand you and that they don't know how complicated every person in society is who is going through something like this. The next lines:

"I was once called a problematic child
I was once told I was unfit to be in society"

These lines are relatable. You feel like what those people said was true and that you are an unfitting person to live in a society and all over the world society is everywhere so, in short, you think "I am an unfitting person to live in this world." Being a problematic child is also hard. You are always in the problem or you are always involved with the problem or you're the problem. Yikes!

"Someone please understand me
Someone please wait for me"

Whenever someone feels so sad or thinks of negative thoughts about their lives or about their existence, they would always crave or ask someone to understand them. Although, I do not understand the line, "someone please wait for me." It even doesn't give me an explanation in the last stanza.

"My body wants to give up
My body doesn't have a choice
I am slient in the depths of madness
I am lonely in this unfit society"

In my opinion, I think this doesn't seem like it should be the end. I have questions for the lines: "my body wants to give up" and "my body doesn't have a choice." Is it like you are unfit for the world because you think your body is not capable or it doesn't have the right body standards in the society you live in? Is it that you body is so numb from all the pain, sadness and/or anger? The line: "I am silent in the depthes of madness", I think it's better to use the word anger so it sounds more poetic. The line: "I am lonely in this unfit society", tells me that you are really angry and you don't know what to do. But it doesn't seem like a good ending. In every sad story or poem, there should be hope it.

I hope this helps! This poem has potential, you just need yo fix it a little. Thank you for sharing this good poem of yours. Have a good morning, day, afternoon, or night.




EsmerayaRose says...


Thank you for your feedback. The meaning is however you take it whatever your perspective is on the lines.



AkuRashomon says...


You're welcome!



User avatar


Points: 67
Reviews: 4

Donate
Thu Jan 05, 2023 11:48 pm
View Likes
leiilan wrote a review...



Hello! I would like to start by saying this is a piece that really resonates with me personally and thus, even the simplest of lines really stood out. I love the vague wording which leaves room for the reader to interpret it in their own ways while still understanding the experience of the speaker.

Firstly, I LOVE the line, "I'm a(n) addict that doesn't know the meaning of limits". It can be interpreted in so many different ways and allows me to picture many different scenarios in which it could fit the scene. A person in a depressive state that finds comfort in their own pain, a person stuck in an abusive cycle, and a substance abuser are just a few things that come to mind in context with the piece.

The next line that stood out to me was, "My body doesn't have a choice". Again, with the broadness of this line, there is so much to be uncovered here depending on how the reader relates.

My absolute favorite line was the last one, and how it subtly contrasts with the last line of the first stanza. As someone who has had experiences with similar thoughts, the feelings are very much similar to this. Sometimes, I believe that I am unfit for society while other times, I feel that society just isn't ready for me.

All in all: I loved this. Short, broad, and open for interpretation. There are a few minor spelling/ grammar mistakes but I'm not really one to talk about those considering I make those errors all the time. I've looked at some of your other works as well and they're just as interesting. Happy writing!




EsmerayaRose says...


Hello, Leilan thank you for all your feedback! And I'm glad you loved this piece!




When we are children we seldom think of the future. This innocence leaves us free to enjoy ourselves as few adults can. The day we fret about the future is the day we leave our childhood behind.
— Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind