Young Writers Society

Okay…. I am officially in love with all of your writing!

Reading this really touched me deeply and I greatly appreciate that I had the opportunity to do so. The format is outstanding, completely outstanding. I’ve never read something like this before but I hope to read a lot more in the future. I was really able to connect to this as I am sure many others unfortunately are. This made me feel like I am not alone. This was beautifully beautifully beautifully beautifully written. I’ll give you 110% <3

Ellie-Mae

Hello there! I'm sorry I couldn't review this any sooner. I've been busy ever since I volunteered to be a judge in April Madness, the poem contest.

The closer I got

the more I saw.

I saw,

was that smile

of yours made me

want to risk it all

Closer,

I looked down

calm waves

patiently waiting

for me

the new

That's all! Oh, I haven't reviewed for a long time, haven't I?

i saw this in the spotlight and... wow...

as someone who's struggles with suicidal thoughts in the past, this hit almost too hard in the best way. well done, and keep writing.

Hey Ari! I'm here with a review for this amazing poem!

Wow. That's all I can say. Wow. This was so well written! I especially loved the gif at the end. It really summed up the whole poem in 3 seconds. There were a few grammatical errors I wanted to point out, so here you go!

was that smile

of yours made me

want to risk it all

that didn't take her own advice

Come on, don't tell me your

we both can

drifted-apart

if I jump now/who will catch me?

I'm coming, home mum

wow. just wow. this was so good. keep up the good work, Ari <3

Hello Ari, was curious after I saw u advertising your poem in a wfp so I said I gotta read it. I'm one of those people that have trouble showing emotion on their faces but I really felt this poem. Here I am giving my own thoughts on it.

I love a poem filled with feelings and this one can't be said to lack them. I hope you are ok btw. Anyway the sad emotions, the anxiety, the pain is flowing and won't stop flowing. From the moment you said "Victim" the poem got another side to it. The internal conflict is the true star of this poem. I just read something similar, a webtoon with the main character blaming himself for all the pain he caused and this blame kept destroying him further. Some really strong parts of this conflict, that really show emotion are the lines where the internal thoughts mock the persona, the one that says "no one" and the "okay".

But you have some things that are pretty hard and unnatural in the flow of the poem. You chose to repeat "I saw". Maybe it has a symbolistic meaning I wasn't able to find. Also in the line "if I jump now who will catch me?" it would look and be read so much easier if you cut it in half like "if I jump now/who will catch me?". It would match the line above and give it a uniform overall feeling.

Great job! Loved the poem

Here for the review.

WOW! Literally Wow!! I suggest you to write what you wrote below my comment. That makes it a bit clearer.
Now coming to your poem, my favourite line was the the last one – I'm coming, home mum. I guess by ‘home’ you meant no where or perhaps the life after death where her mother is. If I am wrong at any instance, pls correct me. As I told earlier, I am not that good in interpreting these types of poems.

I really liked the concept of that rooftop and also putting that pic at last. I also liked how you seperated the voices. You reflected the the thoughts that might come to the mind of a person wanting to attempt suicide. Keep it up!!
Hope you are well.

~Forever

Hello!!

This will not be a review because I am not that good at interpreting these types of poems. Can you pls explain me the concept a bit? Then I can try reviewing it.