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16+ Language

I needed time and love

by EsmerayaRose


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

I told you I needed time 

time to think 

I told you that I needed to love myself 

before i can love you

I told you my mental state is shitty

the pills stop working 3 months ago


I'm sorry

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

I wish I could love you, like the way you claim you love me

I'm an unloveable creature 

I wish I could be able to look you in the eyes and tell you I feel the same

I don't even love myself how can i love someone else?

I wish I could accept the small comments you throw my way

This world is cold how can i trust your words if i cant trust myself


I'm sorry

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

I lied 

Feel my body die

I told you I was eventually going to be able to heal then we can be together

everything is broken

I lied to you 



I'm sorry

I'm sorry

I could never love properly,

like the other girls

I could never be there for you

and you know that

I could never save you if your falling

because I'm too busy trying to catch myself


because in the end, this knife is looking very lonely 

and life here isn't getting better

the only thing I can do is save you from myself.

I'm sorry.....


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34 Reviews

Points: 1668
Reviews: 34

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Stickied -- Sun Mar 26, 2023 2:46 am
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ChesTacos wrote a review...



Very interesting poem! I love the unique format you chose to use for this poem. The indents between what you're saying vs what you think is "the truth" are very interesting and I am loving it. Very interesting take on the theme where someone is expressing their love for someone where you also express your inner thoughts. If I had to suggest any steps to make it even better I would say the main thing is consistent formatting. I noticed that for the majority of the poem, the words were indented, however, in these lines the indents are gone:

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

Other than that I would just say grammar, many of the Is are lowercase (not sure if this is on purpose if it is keep it that way). Overall excellent poem! It was a great and exciting read! Keep up the good work!




EsmerayaRose says...


thank you for the feedback!



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Points: 65
Reviews: 2

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Sun Mar 26, 2023 10:00 am
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SinsOfTheSaints wrote a review...



This poem is great! I really love the foreshadowing of the knife here as well its personification of it feeling lonely. The right side of the reality is very well done and this character is very believable and realistic The triplication and cyclical cycle is also nice! You don’t see those a whole lot in literature. Overall, great use of language and structure!




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Points: 65
Reviews: 2

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Sun Mar 26, 2023 9:56 am
SinsOfTheSaints says...



:D




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114 Reviews

Points: 1924
Reviews: 114

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Sun Mar 26, 2023 3:47 am
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DreamyAlice wrote a review...



Hey there, Alice here to give a review!

MY THOUGHTS

A beautiful poem you have there. The idea of how can I love someone when I don't know or love myself yet was clearly showcased through your writing. The guilt when someone loves you much and you can do or give them nothing in return, we all must have felt it once in our life, it's a sad feeling, to say the least

I could never save you if your falling

because I'm too busy trying to catch myself

Ah, these lines hit you hard. Helping others when you have no trouble yourself is easy, but it gets hard when you have to help someone and you are falling yourself. The lines are beautiful!

STRUCTURE AND FLOW
The repetitiveness of I'm sorry held the piece together. The lines were structured in a way that reflects the inner conflict of the writer. The purposeful striking did its work to show the indecisiveness of the thoughts. Overall the flow was nice and the poems invoked dark emotions within the reader that they will reflect upon after reading it. Great work!

Keep Writing👍
-Alice




EsmerayaRose says...


thank you<333




I was weeping as much for him as her; we do sometimes pity creatures that have none of the feeling either for themselves or others.
— Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights