z
  • Home

Young Writers Society


12+

Fallen Angel

by EsmerayaRose, fatherfig



let the angels cry for me
the gate is open but I stay
in the corner of my earthen cage

i'm locked away and all these
twisted screws inside my head
keep taunting me

"why me?"

i fold my wings
and cross my heart
hoping to fall

i shake the muddy bars wishfully
maybe i'll get buried alive
the gate has always been open

but i've stayed
in the corner of this cage
I keep myself gasping

my body begging for air
i'm hardly breathing
my lungs are on fire
asphyxiation of my soul

life taking its toll
i hope my peers will sing for me
as my cage sinks even deeper

below their feet
and as my siblings droop their wings
i scream to let the angels cry for me

i have twisted screws inside my head
i found they got there by my own hands
it is hard to breathe now
it pains to cry

life taking inventory
will they sing for me?
is it too late to save

what's already fallen?
can I ever fly again?
asphyxiation of my soul

my wings are blackened with dirt
no one told me life on earth
was filled with so much love
and so much damn hurt

is it too late to undo, what fate has caused upon us?
"is it too late to be saved?
i know i have already fallen!"

"please absolve me"
"i'm terrified!" i rattle the bars
and i scream "let the angels cry for me"

the gate is open but i stay
in the corner of my earthen cage
i shake the muddy bars
begging for what's left

as my cage sinks deeper
into the depths of despair
asphyxiation of my soul

my wings are covered
blackened by dirt
it hurts to exist
it hurts to grieve
my soul is now indisposed
could you forgive me, please?
I'm on my knees

will the angels cry for me?
will they forgive me?
will they ever love me?

the gate is open but I stay in the corner
of my earthen cage







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
1152 Reviews

Points: 570
Reviews: 1152

Donate
Mon Jun 06, 2022 2:46 pm
View Likes
vampricone6783 wrote a review...



Ah the fear of exploring and finding yourself.The fear of really letting who you are come into place.Drowning in your sorrow and pain.It consumes and destroys you.It takes over you.It’s unescapable.It’s everywhere until you control it and put it away.But it will take time before you can let go.But there’s always a way.I hope that you have an awesome and lovely day and night.




EsmerayaRose says...


thanks for the feedback<3333



User avatar
58 Reviews

Points: 226
Reviews: 58

Donate
Sat Sep 18, 2021 9:45 pm
View Likes
YourFriendQuirks08 wrote a review...



Hey Rubes here with a review, I split my reviews into 3/4 different sections: first impressions, what went well (www), improvements (ebi) and conclusion summing up what i thought :)

First impressions:
Oh my god...that hit very hard. I love the way you presented the suicidal life as a life being an angel, ready but not taken up to the sky. The realism of this was crazy...

WWW:
This is where I will label things and give my views, usually positive but with a few picky parts

let the angels cry for me
the gate is open but I stay
in the corner of my earthen cage


It's hard, isn't it. The feeling of having enough with the world but the world not having enough at you. Being so unwanted not even the angels want you. But secretly a message telling you to stay in your "earthly cage" for a bit longer. Suffer a bit longer to see if we can make it better.

my body begging for air
i'm hardly breathing
my lungs are on fire
asphyxiation of my soul


If this isn't emotive language, then I have no clue what is. It feels like you aren't surviving when you are going through things like this. Even breathing, living, laughing...loving are hard things to do when you can't be 'okay'.

EBI:
Just some small things overall that could be improved

I think we could try and expand on the angels viewpoints, or what we think they think of us. Do we think they like to see us suffering like everyone else or do they want us down here like we do up there? It would really help.

Conclusion:
I have so many compliments on this for real! It is amazing; I am giving a 9/10 rating, just as there are some other things you could expand on but not much else.

Stay safe and I am here to talk any day,
Rubes :)




fatherfig says...


thank you <3



EsmerayaRose says...


<333



User avatar
27 Reviews

Points: 114
Reviews: 27

Donate
Fri Sep 17, 2021 8:51 am
View Likes
lukekazey wrote a review...



Wow.

I'm going to be honest, I'm not quite sure the meaning of this poem. I keep reading and re-reading and picking up on different things each time, but thats the beauty of poetry- it can be interpreted in so many different ways.

What I do know is this- your poem is beautifully written and incredibly thought-provoking.

I'm seeing themes of spirituality, freedom and metaphorical imprisonment- to me, I'm reading the poem as a sort of commentary on how we as humans often choose to limit our own freedoms and tie ourselves down.
However, I can also see it as an exploration of anxiety, depression and other mental health issues. I'd love to know what you both had in mind as you were writing, but also, I think the openness of this poem is what makes it so intriguing.

In terms of improvements, there's very little I have to say. Perhaps my only suggestion would be to give the reader a little more to grasp on to, but again, mystery is good.

Overall, an excellent collaborative poem, massive well done. I can't wait to read more.

Yours,
Luke




EsmerayaRose says...


Thank you for the kind review.



User avatar
118 Reviews

Points: 7737
Reviews: 118

Donate
Thu Sep 16, 2021 7:09 pm
View Likes
Coffeeboyjay wrote a review...



hey @BrokenHeartsAri its SadboyJay here to write a review!!

First.. this is what i have to say about this poem Ari i think you and Queen did a great job with this poem together and i give all that this was a good lyrical poem i ever heard all were great in this poem i got my parts i like in this poem Let the angels cry for me
the gate is open but I stay
in the corner of my earthen cage thats my favorite part of all poem

Second.. @BrokenHeartsAri you should of did a verse you and queen should of had all name on each verse all did like example ari this is my verse and queen this my verse like that

Third.. the reason why i said that cause all didn't even had a verse on each name and i felt it was a little confusing cause i didn't know who verse was this or that verse

4th keep up with the good work Ari you and queen both did what you did




fatherfig says...


thank you jay <3



User avatar
105 Reviews

Points: 1338
Reviews: 105

Donate
Thu Sep 16, 2021 5:27 pm
View Likes
fatherfig says...



If you review this please boop this comment so i can also be notified haha




Coffeeboyjay says...


@queenshadowgem lol queen



EsmerayaRose says...


Boop, there is a review.



EsmerayaRose says...


Boop there is a review




Too often we crave the extraordinary in life, without even learning how to cherish the ordinary first. Friend, I promise you this: if you can learn to take joy in the simple mundane things in life, the extraordinary will take care of itself, it'll be on its way, hurrying towards you. But if you skip the first part, it'll ever evade you.
— Arcticus