I’m missing the strength I need,
the compassion,
the state of mind.
I’m lacking it all.
I’ve lost all the kindness,
the ability of happiness,
my known – my tainted – soul.
It’s all gone.
But I’ve now found love,
longing,
and with them both hate.
So what now?
Am I missing? Am I lost?
Or have I finally been found?
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Few nitpicks:
''I’m missing the strength I need,
the compassion, (semi colon)
the state of mind.'' (to do what or for what?)
Overall, it's a unique voice with a clear voice. I enjoyed the subject matter of the poem and its simplicity. The word choice in this piece was interesting and there is this atmosphere of ''feeling cheated''. So, this was a good piece.
Tend your flame...
Thanks for the review!!
I can't really clarify as to what it it's fone. It's sortta like a generalisation. As in I've lost the will and the mind to be able to live. It's sortta the things that I once had but have now gone, thats why I say 'missing'.
Thanks again for the review!!!
Oh okay... See your point.
:3
Hey Cesare Borgia, here for a review,
You are getting better at poetry. And you starting to write more of it.
I first have to say, that this was a really good poem. There are many things I have to say,
I love how this line creates a sort of, strange mood.
I also love the formatting, you have to tell me how you did it.
Best of luck in writing,
Cesare Borgia
Thanks Cesare!
Wonderfully terrific poem, right there!
As said below, all the other reviewers said it right. This poem just reminds me of Dr.Horrible's sing-a-long blog: The conflict is never solved. And it just leaves you hanging. I love the diction you used, and your style is simply outstanding.
Keep on writing! <3
Thanks, it means alot!
This is a wonderful piece of writing. The conflict the narrator is feeling is so obvious and in the end it doesn't give you a clear answer. You can feel both the pain and the hope written about.
I think the idea of this poem has been written about a few times before. But this is definitely the best written piece that I've seen. It's simple and doesn't use flowery prose or metaphors. But that's because that's how it should be told.
Aside from the error Hadj pointed out I can't see any structural mistakes so good job with that.
Like I said this is a brilliant piece of writing.
Thank you so much for the review!
I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Hey there
Great Poem!
Again, I really like the way your format follows the flow of the poem.
A small nitpick:
"the state if mind"
I think you meant "the state of mind"
Other than that, great work. I could really feel the confusion of the speaker as they struggle between emotions of love and hate
Again, well written, and keep writing!
~Hadj
Thanks.
The only reason it was 'if' is cause the 'o' is near the 'i' on the keyboard and I was typing fast without looking. So I changed it, thanks!!