Life is losing its heart,
Its delightful spark
Its way of light.
Life is a thing we’re meant to live.
Not just survive.
I'm learning how to live again.
I'm trying to quicken,
My too slow pace.
I've found an anchor to keep me ashore.
Saving me from drowning in my abyss.
The waves of struggle, they’re dangerous,
Trying to drag me back.
My anchor helps me fight, keeping them at bay,
Keeping me from stray.
It’s become a fight,
Raging war inside me.
I think I'm finally winning.
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140,191 Literary Works • 673,040 Reviews
This poem had a very all over the place feel to it. I like the idea that you are grasping at and how you can read this poem in two separate ways - forwards and backwards. Infant I prefer to read it backwards as it both makes sense and tells a tale of someone who was finding his way and coming from his journey with the knowledge that life is taken for granted when it shouldn't be. Most of the time the rhyming scheme worked but at some points the half rhymes did not fit within the rhythm. I really like how you have formatted this as you separate the important aspects from the main ones yet the reader is left puzzling which ones are which. I can't find any major nitpicks which is good. A very smart poem indeed. -Marshymallow
Heyy heyy heyyy.
Cool theme, but I somehow felt the title didn't match up to it. I understand what you were trying to do with it, but it couldn't shine out. I like shiny titles :p
Anyways, no problem in your language or grammar, you could work on your ending though.
Andddd, your flow was quite good, great job. I liked the way you rhymed the words. Yay to your lines.
Kudos,
Keep writing and stay blessed.
xoxo
Heya, EscapeToNeverland! You've got a lovely poem here. I'll quickly get through one little nitpick, then I'll tell you what I liked.
I'm learning how to live again.
I'm trying to quicken,
My too slow pace.
The last line here doesn't flow too well. The too is not necessary and destroys the nice flow of your poem. Try rewording the line in some way.
I love the formatting you used! Indenting lines, instead of just pressing enter, was really clever and makes the seperate thoughts clearer to the reader. I also liked your imagery, but like Lupin, I'd like to know what your anchor is. Even just a hint would be nice.
The way you started the poem, with struggle and despair, then finished it by saying you're finally winning was clever. It creates a story within the poem. It was a nice read, good job.
Thank you for your review, Dracula, I'm glad you enjoyed my poem.
When I was writing this poem I actually cringed a little when writing that line, but I just didn't know how to re-write it. I tried about ten times and still couldn't come up with anything better.
And as for what my anchor is, as I explained to Lupin, it's someone very important in my life. They're always there for me and I love them dearly.
And I'm quite morbid, I suppose, most of my poems are like this. Or at least start with despair and heartache.
Thanks for the explanations!
You're quite welcome
Hey EscapeToNeverland! First off, I want to say that I enjoyed this poem. It seems to come from sort of personal experience? The relation of the internal struggle to the ocean is great - anything about water in a poem is generally a good thing to include. It sounds like song lyrics! Have you ever considered songwriting? I really love the lines;
I just want to know, what is the anchor that you speak of?
Great work,
Lupin
Thank you for your review, Lupin, I'm so glad you liked this poem.
The anchor I'm referring to is someone very important in my life. And no, I can't say I've ever thought of songwriting.
Thank you again for your review.