I long for the distinctive smell of home,
for the autumn breeze to rustle my hair.
To sit for a day and just watch,
as the wind sends shivers through the grass.
The feeling of freedom, love and peace,
with nobody to breathe down your neck.
The whole land free for you to run through,
no fences to stop you, no one to block your way.
I live for the peculiar half painted signs,
that hang lopsided from the historic, aged shops.
The labyrinth of cobblestone streets,
that snake through the land like a river.
I long for the villas and kingdoms,
that embrace the past and celebrate history.
I long for the sensation of old and fresh,
weaved together into one.
I wait for the people with hearts as open,
as a hallway with no locks on the doors.
I long for their kind, warm way of looking at life,
their non critical way of processing what you say.
I long for the hint of bluebells,
that represent the first signs of spring.
I wait impatiently just to see the fountain,
sparkle playfully against the sky.
I wonder if I will ever see again,
the swans swim to the side of the lake.
As a bolt of lightning pierces the silver,
sending ripples across the water.
I love the glorious, glimmering sun,
the feathery snowflakes that weave through the sky.
The wisps of fluffy white clouds,
the rain shattering like a diamond against the window.
Home is the thing I pray for most,
hope, that one day I will return.
To the streets and hills of the valley,
and watch the setting sun slowly burn.
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137,476 Literary Works • 672,034 Reviews
Hello Suddenly, Phillie1990, ScarlettFire and Noelle,
First of all thank you so much for the reviews! They were all amazing and in some ways better than the actual poem. You have included some excellent advice and I was happily surprised at how many things I could improve on after reading your reviews! thank you so much they were really helpful and the constructive criticism was really great, thank you for the time and effort you put into the reviews.
Anyway, I edited this. A lot. Looking over it now I must have been a bit tired when I wrote this I can now easily identify the flaws and you guys have inspired me to change many parts of this! I have also been inspired to post more poetry knowing that here people will write considerate and interesting reviews!
From DreamingForever
Hey there, Dreaming. I'm Scarlett and I will be reviewing you poem tonight.
Wow. This is a brilliant little poem. I love how you describe everything in it. I love the flow, which is just fine how it is and I love the feel of this poem. It makes me feel nostalgic and carefree. It's almost like a half-remembered/half-forgotten memory. And that is a brilliant feeling. It really gives the reader something to relate to. It's almost like a faded photograph or something. *sighs* I really, really like how you've done this.
Overall, when looking at this poem... I can't really find anything wrong with it. At least, nothing that hasn't already been pointed out. It seems just fine how it is. In fact, I adore it. *clicks 'like'* Thank you very much for the beautiful poetry and for making me smile (poetry always makes me smile). Keep writing, and don’t ever give up!
~Scar.
Hi there!
You did a good job with this poem. It's got a lot of great imagery and I can see everything you described. Your spelling and grammer are good, so no worries there. It flows really well too.
I do want to comment on how you formed your stanzas. Usually in a poem, all the stanzas are the same length or there's a pattern that goes along with the number of lines in each. Here it seemed like you picked a random amount of lines and used that. The first stanze is 7 lines, the second 3 lines, the third 6 lines, the fourth 5 lines, and the last one is 4 lines. Usually if the stanzas are sporatic in length like that, it messes with the flow of the piece. But in this case, it doesn't. Somehow you made it work so that everything flows even though it's not all the same length.
Overall this was a good poem. Keep writing!
Very nice poem, it created a very vivid image in my head and did not fail to give me a feeling not unlike happiness.
I have no critism, bravo!
Beautiful! x