So hey EnchantedPanda. I was just looking at the back of the Green Room when I found this so I'll be moving this out of the Green Room.
What I liked best was the fast pace of the progression and I enjoyed the rhythmical feels that it contained. Perhaps the slight roughness contributed, I don't know. I also agree with klennon14 below that the raw voice here was good. The last stanza was the strongest, at least in my opinion and I liked the rather harsh breaks in the last few lines.
My negative impression is that this is choppy. Well, maybe the poem is *meant* to be choppy, but some of the line breaks and the commas between phrases like "it's over, stop" made me halt a little while reading it.
Another cause of this choppy feeling I get is the imagery and thoughts here were doing hopscotch. It started with "test" to "paradox" to finally a "shell". I feel as if the poem didn't stay particularly long with the ideas and images presented here, contributing to the jumpiness. So what I suggest is to go a little deeper and more specific with the imagery so that you can form transitions from image to image.
Just a little side-note, I'm not sure what you mean by using "acrostic". At least in my knowledge, it is some kind of poetic structure and I guess that's what you mean. When I encountered the word, I searched this poem for an acrostic structure and there was none : (. If there is, please let me know!
PM me if you want to talk about this because I'm happy to do so!
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