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Hey there! Eli here for another lovely review!

The thing is that I start to have a crush on your poems and I really can not hide or deny it anymore right? It is a weird thing as I dislike reviewing or reading poems at all as most of them are rhymed whose rhymes are just so obvious and forced into the text to make it seem so flow-y and all that but it just kills the vibes of the whole work and ruins it. And I know how much work is put into those pieces, it is very hard to be a good man with the rhymes as well. Not everyone can actually think of a great rhyme right away for their work which is why poetry writers are the people I admire the most to be frank.

Everything is splending but sometimes I feel like the flow is killed in some stanzas thanks to a bad rhyme or just wrong word being used. Not like it is totally wrong but let's say it is unsuitable? It really is in the first, third and fifth part of this work as someone else has mentioned down below which I agree on.

Not for my on the third one still because I am sure some people will get the rhyme if they read it the way you would. But no excuses for the beginning which really made me consider reading this or not. It really makes the reader wonder. Is the work even worth reading it if it starts to off and you know, not the best it could be starting with? Of course no, most people would give up on it and move on. This is a thing a writer does not want to happen when it comes to their own work.

Rhymes for place for possible edits

pace · space · thrace · trace · vase

For the fifth stanza, where you have cities. I think it is a good idea to change it to city if it goes well with you. This way we can find better options for rhymes. Like pretty, you can come up with something interesting!

Keep on writing!

Hello, I am going to share my thoughts on the poem.

Well first off, I am terrible at writing poems that rhyme. I seem to lose meaning when I attempt to. You however, were able to do so quite well. I liked the poem very much actually. The stanzas, except for maybe two, flowed together really well. I was also able to vividly picture everything which is always a plus. The word choices are great and again, I enjoyed it a lot.

Hey there, EnchantedPanda!

First off, I loved this so much. I usually steer away from poems with rhymes, but it worked so perfectly here. Bravo! Absolutely wonderful job here.

Your imagery is amazing! I felt like I could see this place while I was reading, which is perfect. You used wonderful descriptive words and everything seemed to fit together perfectly.

I honestly think this is just simply amazing. It flowed perfectly for me while reading, and it was just wonderful and descriptive. Fantastic job! I'd love to read more from you, so maybe let me know when you post something new? Definitely keep writing, love!

~Cat

EnchantedPanda!

This is an absolutely wonderful poem! I am usually a mad hatter about rhyme in poetry, I just can’t stand it. Even not in poetry, it usually completely fails and is far too obvious. You, however, have nailed it. Not only did I find this poem clever, cute and interesting, I also loved reading it.

You do, however, have some awkward lines here. Have you read this poem out loud? If not, do so! Reading a poem aloud can show you where your line breaks are working (or not) and whether the rhythm is fitting in with your poem.

Whoop, your rhyme is off in your first, third and fifth stanzas! It took me the whole review to realise – that’s how terrible at rhyme I am. Thanks to Karzkin for helping me with that, I never would have seen! Now, “theftily” isn’t a word and I’ve been convinced to let the neologism stand, except that it throws off your rhyme – this is why I’ve mentioned the third stanza as being off rhyme. When I read “theftily” I pronounce the “I” distinctly, which throws off the rhythm of the line and then the rhyme itself goes wonky.

I know cities must be difficult to find a rhyme for – I’d suggest some but they’d all be terrible! But if you’re going to choose a rhyme scheme, you have to stick to it. Otherwise we notice and then the lovely nature of your poem gets thrown out the window. There should be a pretty easy “place” or “sky” rhyme, I suspect. I think that your last stanza is the weakest, particularly the final lines. They don’t have any of the punch or the directness the rest of your poem has set up, which is incredibly unfortunate. Would you consider ending on a rhyming couplet instead of this stanza? I think that it might serve your purposes a little better, though it would be changing up the structure of your poem – and I’d understand if you don’t want to do that at all.

I think you have a good sense of lines, and I enjoyed the mirror images in each stanza, you do need to check out the rhythm of the lines – just by reading this out loud – and fix up those pesky rhymes. I’m here for questions and queries.

Thank you for the read.

- Guin

Lovely, Panda. I mean, Hi. Where did my manners go?

Actually, I'm silly, I know, but I was thinking how this poem is like a panda. White and Black. It takes me to a beautiful world, then back to reality, and then again to that place I do not know of. xD Throughout the whole poem, I was thinking how that place could be what they call Heaven, but then at the end, when you mention the last stanza:

"In a place far from here,
It fades away,
Close and near
It will always stay."

I began to think the place only exist in your imagination. It fades and is close? That's like a paradox! I love that! It is actually open to different interpretations, and that, I consider it to be great. The wording is lovely, it flows neatly, and it's simple but cute. Great job.

~Solly<3

Heyy,

This is a really nice piece. I adore the imagery and you've potrayed it really well.

The concept is refreshing. But then, I think you should try reframing some of the sentence fragements so that there is more flow in the poem.

Looking forward on reading more from you,
Keep writing,
Dreamergirl.