I look around in pure devastation,
my heart racing, my mind filled with despair.
Questions begin to fill my mind,
but not one small answer.
I am planted dismally to this very spot,
struggling against it is useless.
A greater force seeks to challenge me,
against it I am insignificant.
Nowhere to escape to now,
not one comfortable, safe place.
Every exit is heavily guarded,
this is the definition of trapped.
Isolated far from anyone else,
just as you had planned from the start.
I have pushed everyone away,
now they will not come to my aid.
I have shown them the very worst of me,
I have disgusted them in every way possible.
They absolutely loathe me now,
they are filled with hatred when they hear my name.
I don't blame them at all,
it is my fault and not theirs.
I do not blame them for my own flaws,
nor do I expect forgiveness.
They are the better, stronger ones,
where as I am weak and bitter.
They are full of beauty and kindness,
I feel sour and twisted to the core.
They love and cherish everything,
how I envy them, so free and kind.
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139,610 Literary Works • 672,619 Reviews
Hi dreaming! <3
Short comment - I liked this poem. It was interesting, had a meaning and a lesson behind it which wasn't too hard to untangle but just hard enough that I had to think about it a bit. The title suited it and I could see no mistakes. Nice job!
Deanie x
Interesting emotional turmoil, if a little repetitive and blank. By blank I mean there was no image running through the work, and it was mainly focused on describing things over and over again - it was good, don't get me wrong, but it was far from perfect and it would need some development to feel really right.
I'm not sure if this was about you feeling evil, or just.. seeing evil itself around or in you. But still, I liked the poem because of the way you wrote it. It was in comparison and it was really good. You took the sweet things to the really bad, dirty, evil things. And that's what made the poem. I liked everything about this poem. It was dark, and you put good emotion and GREAT envy in it.
Overall I really liked this poem and the structure.
-Hayley
There are a few parts like this in your piece; and this is your main problem.
"but not even" and "one single" both stress the same point; they're kind of redundant.
Another moment of redundancy. Me going through and pointing out all of these phrases would just take a long time. But know that you see "not even" and "one" are the same, and "comfortable" and "safe" essentially mean the same thing, you should just go through your poem and tighten it. Take out the superfluous words and insert more imagery and action. You're well on your way; just tighten this a little bit.
Great job and keep working at it.