Nice. You know, I usually like rhyming poems... but this is one non-rhyming poem that I definately liked. It was simple, not confusing or over dramatic, and it hit home. Nice job.
It's hard today
To walk in a straight line
When my mind is somewhere else
It's hard today
To keep my mind off you
When my heart is with you always
I wish that I
Could see you right now
Just to convince myself you're all right
I wish that I
Hadn't left last night
When you needed someone there
Somehow I
Always seem to be leaving
When I want to be staying with you
Somehow I
Can't seem to change that
And I'm tired of always saying good-bye
I want to be
There with you right now
To see your face and help you smile
I want to be
There with you always
I hope you know that I'm trying...
Nice. You know, I usually like rhyming poems... but this is one non-rhyming poem that I definately liked. It was simple, not confusing or over dramatic, and it hit home. Nice job.
*shrugs* well... I guess you can't please everyone. Thanks for your comments y'all.
This was quite good, however the repetition in the stanzas didn't do it for me. It felt like a template you were straining to adhere to and this sort of ruined the poem for me.
nice i liked reading it, and i guess i enjoyed it. liked the pausing throughout it...felt like a song. good job though
very well written I liked it though I didn't love it - but at the moment I haven't read much that made me love!
I want to be
There with you right now
To see your face and help you smile
I want to be
There with you always
I hope you know that I'm trying...
I don't like the last few lines I think it was a weak ending. The whole poem needed some more powerful words, just a few to really capture a bring across the point of how you feel.
but it has potential.
wu x
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