Young Writers Society

Hey there.

I do like the concept of this because poems do often start with a question base. It's usually something like "Do you love me" but this is a very nice change of pace. I'm also appreciative of the proper punctuation attached to the questions, because I very rarely see that happen.

But then punctuation is needed in the rest of the poem for better flow. The flow is already doing pretty well and that fits right into the presentation aspect. There's a few lines that out here and there, but they do have complementing lines so it makes it a bit easier on the eyes. I realize that I talk a lot about presentation in my reviews but that's having to do with it being an under critiqued thing.
This rolls further int structure, which could be a bit more broken up but it's doing good as it is.

the main problem that the other reviewers and I come to is the execution. The idea behind this wasn't the strongest or most specific, but it does leave you with a lot of avenues to roll with. I wasn't particularly satisfied with how this stayed on one main track and didn't really diverge that much. I was expecting your follow up questions to go further than they did but it's still enough to work with.

I think a secondary issue of the questions is that they were cut together so quickly. There wasn't any padding around what was happening with them, when there probably should have been some slight answer to the question. I'm not sure if my explanation makes sense but with this style of poetry, there's usually going to be a secondary voice and the lack of that, weakens the message coming across.

The poem was doing great until we hit the last line. Getting rid of just that would strengthen the poem a lot.

So there's a few common mistakes with this.
Q&A poetry has to have certain things going on,
and there's certainly enough of it on the web.

Happy revmo.
- lizz

This was good though, I didn't perticually love it, it was a bit weak. As sam said I like the basic idea but it just wasn't powerful enough..

And what was that one thing you found that you like? *duh duh dunnn*

I like the basic IDEA of the poem, but you don't really seemed to have grasped it. Like, you have the outline for it, driven by a little bit of inspiration, but you don't know how to deliver the message, you know what I mean?

The second stanza is all questions, which can be OK if you really work with it. But mostly, we just go into Reader Overload, which is kind of a bad thing. [taking a lesson from my good friend Firestarter] Sometimes, being vague and making us think is a good thing, but like I said, it seems like you got the main point but you didn't know how to put it on paper. (how many times can I say that before you kick me? lol)

So, what I'm trying to get at is that this poem really has potential, you just need to really work and play with it a bit. If you know what I'm saying.