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Young Writers Society



Right By You

by Duskglimmer


I'm sorry, love, for all the pain.
I'm sorry, love, I know I'm to blame.
I'm sorry, love, but please, just know
I was trying to do right by you

I know, my love, you wouldn't want
For me to live a lie like this
A pretending heart would never do
I was trying to do right by you

So, please, my love, stop the tears
Please, my love, remember the years
Of love, and life, and laughter and know
I was trying to do right by you

I'm sorry, love, it's over now
I dearly wish it could be different
I'll try to always be there for you
I'm trying to do right by you

I'll always try to do right by you


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447 Reviews


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Mon Feb 28, 2005 8:13 pm
Duskglimmer says...



Any particular reason why? Or did it just not do anything for you?




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Mon Feb 28, 2005 2:26 pm
Chevy says...



I was rather frustrated from beginning to end.




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Mon Feb 28, 2005 12:40 am
Sam says...



haha. I've done that before too...kinda wierd...*start twilight zone theme*




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447 Reviews


Points: 2340
Reviews: 447

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Mon Feb 28, 2005 12:02 am
Duskglimmer says...



*blinks* it rhymes? *rereads poem* oh... wow... it does... okay, wasn't trying to do that... okay...

thanks for the comments...




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Sat Feb 26, 2005 3:33 pm
convintojm says...



it felt bumpy and inconsistent. the patterned stuructured first stanza followed by less structured other stanzas bothered me.




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Fri Feb 25, 2005 11:50 pm
hekategirl says...



This is a good poem but it seemed bumpy and the ryhming seemed a little pushed.
I like the last line and the first line the most, this is a good poem :-)




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137 Reviews


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Thu Feb 24, 2005 6:11 pm
Wulie says...



I love this, it's yet another great work of yours yet again I have little to say as I'm pretty poo at pointing stuff out...

Great ending it fades off perfectly well done!!




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1258 Reviews


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Thu Feb 24, 2005 3:27 am
Sam wrote a review...



I'm ba-ack...*smiles evilly*

I have way too much time on my hands...:roll:

Anyway, this poem was probably the best one of yours I've read so far. One of my pet peeves is rhyming poems, but, for some reason, this one worked. And you had a killer last line.

Well, no real useful critique here. Let's move onto the next, shall we?





Doubt thou the stars are fire, doubt that the sun doth move. Doubt truth to be a liar, but never doubt I love.
— "Hamlet," William Shakespeare